11:11

Forty-Three

My eyes widen. My heartbeat loud and clear in my ears. My mouth runs dry. I quickly roll off of Juan, sitting up completely straight. "Shut up. No." I shake my head quickly. "You aren't."

He sits up right next to me. "Is that a... bad thing?" he asks with a confused look in his eyes.

I cup his face in my hands. "No. It's not. I just—ugh, fuck, Juan." I let go of his face, letting my head fall on his shoulder.

"Hey," he lifts my chin up gently. "talk to me, Cami. What's on your mind?"

"You saying that..." instead of looking into his eyes like I know he wants me to, I look down at his chest. "it makes everything so real."

"And you're scared."

Letting out an uneasy breath, I look up into his eyes. "Feeling it is a completely different thing then saying it out loud. Me saying it makes me vulnerable, weak." tears begin to pool up in my eyes.

He shakes his head. "It doesn't."

"Yes. It does, Juan. You don't get it." I take his hand off of my face and let out a groan of frustration.

"What is there to get?" he takes my hand in his. "I know you're getting frustrated, just help understand why."

"I've been in this position before, Juan. Everything's going great, you're just letting your guard down, letting yourself fall for the other person then bam! It all goes to shit. And you're left a heartbreak that you don't know how to fix." without even realizing it, tears are falling already. I quickly wipe them away.

"Your ex did this to you."

"Maybe." I shrug nonchalantly. "And I like you even more then I ever liked him, so I know this heartbreak would be a bitch to get over." I sniffle before throwing my head in my hands. "Great. Now I have you giving me that sympathy face."

"Because I hate the fact that some guy made you this scared to fall in love again."

"You used to be afraid of falling in love." my voice comes out muffled and shaky.

"Yeah, and then you told me that it was okay to let yourself fall in love." he nudges me gently.

I look up, sniffling. "Yeah, well I've never been good at taking my own advice." I wipe away a few stray tears before shrugging. "What got you over the fear?" I ask quietly.

"I found the right person who made me feel comfortable enough to fall." shrugging, he gives me a lazy grin.

I sigh, shaking my head. "Please don't think that I don't trust you or feel comfortable enough to—"

"Stop." he gently wraps his arms around me. "I don't think that." he pulls away to look me in the eyes. "Take your time. I'm not taking it back. It's what I feel. I'm falling in love with you." he pecks my temple gently. "Don't feel rushed to say anything you aren't ready to say just because of me." he pulls me back into his warm side. "I know you feel something for me. That's good enough for me right now."

I nod. "I do. I really do." letting out a shaking breath, I sigh. "I'll get to where you are, it just might take a little while longer." maybe I'm already there but I'm just too scared to admit it.

"And I'm so cool with waiting."

Not having the right words to explain to Juan how much him being so understanding means to me, I sit on him so that I'm straddling him, wrap my arms around his neck, and press my lips against his. His hands naturally travel down to cup my ass. I suck on his bottom lip which causes a groan to erupt from his throat. "Cami, don't do this to me." he mumbles as my lips travel down his jaw to his neck.

I pull away breathlessly. "Do what?"

"Get me all worked up just to stop because we're focusing on just being friends for now." his voice is strained, he's clearly aroused.

I shake my head, running my hand over his dick. "I'm not planning on stopping." I kiss his neck softly. "Let me show you how grateful I am that you're being so understanding right now."

He pulls away quickly yet I can tell he's very hesitant about his decision. "Camila, I-I think what you said is a good idea. We just need to be friends for now. So no matter how much I want this—because, my god do I want it—we shouldn't." he runs a frustrated hand over his face. His features look so frustrated and bothered. I hate that it turns me on even more. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Our relationship has just been a whole lot of sex. I want to know what we have when the sex goes away. What other ways we can connect. That probably sounds so cheesy coming out of my mouth, but I want something serious with you, and I think this will help build a stronger relationship."

I laugh lightly. "I'm not gonna lie, it sounds odd coming from you, but I can see where you're coming from. I'm down to try this if it's what you want." no matter how hard it's gonna be.