11:11

Fifty-Eight

I take Miguel up on his offer to leave the show early, getting an uber to our hotel. I go right up to my room, with a heavy feeling in my chest. God, I wish none of this had ever happened. I shake my head, trying to clear my head. I had yet to cry over him, and I knew it was coming soon. I could only keep my feelings bottled up for so long.

I'm dozing off, watching a movie on TV when I get a call from Sabrina. "Hello?"

"Hey, Camila," she sounds kind of out of breath, probably just got off stage. "where are you? I expected to see you waiting in the dressing room when we got off stage."

I shake my head. "No, Miguel let me off early. Said I could come to the hotel if i wanted to."

"No wonder I couldn't find you. Juan's looking around for you like crazy." she lowers her voice at the part about Juan.

"Please don't tell him anything about where I am. I just want to be alone right now." I sigh.

"I'm a horrible liar!" she exclaims. "What do I do if he asks about you?"

I groan. "Just tell him you haven't seen me!" he would probably just come looking for me in my room, but it was still worth a shot.

"Okay, okay fine." we say goodbye and hang up.

***

He doesn't come looking for me the next day or any day after that. Weeks go by without us talking at all, and I don't know how I feel about it. Yeah, it's what I wanted, but it still sucks. I just wanted him back the way it used to be. Before I knew he lied to me.

"Earth to Camila!" Sabrina says loudly, waving her hands in front of my face.

I snap out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"

"You're here but not here. It's like your head is in the clouds." she frowns. "Juan?"

I sigh, nodding slowly. "I know I told him I didn't want to talk to him at all, but I didn't expect this all to go on for so long." I pick up my glass of wine and down it in one gulp. We're at dinner on our night off, and I've barely listened to a word Sabrina has said. Juan has consumed almost all of my thoughts and I hate it.

"Wanna know something?" she asks nervously. "Referring to why he probably hasn't reached out to you at all." she further explains.

"What?" I ask, already anxious as to what she has to say.

"I think my lie to him when he asked if I'd seen you was so obvious that it just kinda...hit him." she shrugs.

"What hit him?!"

She sighs. "That you weren't changing your mind on not speaking to him anytime soon. He's just giving you space, Camila. I know for a fact he's not over you."

"I mean, maybe he is over me." I say. "I wouldn't blame him. We haven't spoken in so long!"

She shakes her head. "You guys loved each other, right?" I nod when she asks me this. "There's no way he could fall out of love with you in a month and a half."

"And why is that?"

"Because Juan loves hard, Camila. You should know that just from having been loved by him. He's not getting over you in such short time. Yeah, you guys haven't spoken in a while, but he's definitely not over you." she shake her head again, looking down at her perfectly polished nails.

I look down at my plate full of food, suddenly not feeling hungry at all. "Maybe I should move on. I mean, maybe its for the best."

She rolls her eyes, looking up at me again. "Camila, shut up. You aren't moving on from him. You both still look at each other like you're crazy for one another." she sighs.

I feel my cheeks redden slightly. "We do not. We avoid eye contact at all cost. Well, except when we're on stage." I roll my eyes. Ah, yes. Having to dance extremely sexually with him they last few weeks has been a blast. As uncomfortable as I felt dancing with Juan now that we're in a weird place, I had to hide it. The performances would suck if I were stiff as a board every time his hand grazed my ass or hip. I had to act like I was into it. Which, sometimes I was, unfortunately. I missed his touch more than anything in this world.

"When you look away, he looks at you, when he looks away, you look at him. It's pretty entertaining to watch, actually." she laughs, taking a fry from my plate and eating it.

I kick her lightly under the table. "It is not!" I groan, sinking lower into my seat.

Her laughing dies down a bit and her face becomes more serious. "Seriously, Camila. He's not over you." she shakes her head. "Don't even worry about that." she reassures me with a sweet smile.

"Yeah?" I ask.

She nods. "Definitely."

"But I don't even know if I want to forgive him." I groan. "Fuck me. I hate this so much. I miss him yet I'm still mad at him."

She gives me a sad smile. "It's all gonna work itself out, Camila. Try not to overthink this all. If it's meant to be, you guys are gonna find a way to move past it." she shrugs.

I nod slowly. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Thanks for this talk. I needed to hear it."

"No problem." she says dissmisvly. "I'll be in the corner rooting for my favorite couple." she chants playfully, getting a small laugh out of me.

The first real laugh I've let out in a while.