Izuku x Ochako fanfic "All I Need Is You..."

Chapter 102: Grief

Ochako I'm sorry I scared you. And Eri too. As well as the rest of our class. I have make it up to you all and apologise when I get back but right now... I have to go and visit him...

Deku was long gone from Heights Alliance and heading to a spot that he'd become all too well acquainted with as he'd been going there on a very regular basis since the second year of school had started.

It feels like it was only yesterday that we buried him. Everybody was there that day. They had a big parade in his honour that was broadcast all over the world but they then held a funeral behind closed doors for those people that actually knew him. My entire class was there, my mom, our teachers, Eri, Gran Torino, that detective from the police department and that was it really. The thing that saddened me even more is that All Might didn't have any of his family at his own funeral which got me thinking if I was to become the Symbol of Peace and I died would the same happen to me? Would none of my family be at my own funeral? Would they be killed because of their relation to me? Or would I cut all ties with them to protect them? I couldn't bare the thought of it. I can still remember what mom said when I brought it up to her.

"That may be true that none of his family are here but Izuku I'm sure Toshinori would tell you that this is his family. Everyone here today. Family isn't just about the blood you share sweetie it's about the people closest to you that you care for deeply and would do anything for. In fact if anything I think seeing this many people here today and seeing how devastated they all are just goes to show what a caring and loving family he had. So I can be at peace knowing he's in a better place now and he lived a life where he was loved by those closest to him and they'll always remember him and think of him fondly. In the end that's all any of us can ask for"

She'd put my mind at ease then despite the fact that neither of us could stop crying. Although I still haven't been able to come to terms with it. My therapy didn't seem to be helping at all and I've been doing that since I got kidnapped and while it's been hugely beneficial and helpful for me this is something I just can't seem to move past or accept. For some reason I just can't accept that All Might is dead. Even though I watched him die. I was there. I heard his final words.

At that moment the memory of his mentor's final moments bloodied and dying covered in blood flashed through his mind.

"Good...that's good.... I'm proud of ya kid... you're gonna make a great... hero...some...day..."

Damnit not now. Why is it no matter how hard I try I can't get that image out of my head? Why won't it go away no matter what I do?

The memory continued to play in his mind thinking about how desperate he was for All Might to still be alive.

"No no no no no no no no no no no no. All Might? All Might wake up. Please. You can't die now. All Might? All Might stop this you can't be dead yet I won't allow it. All Might please I'm begging you"

Goddamnit stop. Get out of my head! I just want to forget! I don't want to remember this!

Deku was fighting with his own mind not knowing how to cope with or deal with his own internal struggle. However despite his protests the memory continued to play as his heartbeat got faster and louder as his breathing became heavier and more difficult.

"All Might! Come on All Might get up! You always win! After everything you've done this isn't how you die! I won't allow it! This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't... All Might please get up. Don't do this to me. The world still needs you... I still need you..."

Stop! I can't take it just stop thinking about it damnit! I don't want to remember this! It's too painful! I can't do this anymore! I just want it to stop! I want it to be over with already!

He didn't know what to do. He was struggling for air and the sound of his rapid heartbeat had become deafening his head pounding with every beat of his heart. His chest felt heavy as the panic attack reached it's boiling point and the memory continued to play the image becoming clearer and clearer the longer it went on as he watched the scene from a third person perspective watching himself desperately begging for his mentor to still be alive as his cries of desperation turned into self doubt and guilt feeling that his mentor had died because of his own failures.

"Why!? Why am I not strong enough!? I should've saved him! I should've known something was up! I should've seen this coming! All that hard work for nothing!"

Finally Deku couldn't take it anymore. He'd been slowly walking along to reach his destination almost in auto pilot mode not even thinking about where he was going however the memory of his mentor's death was too much for him to bear as his panic attack finally caused him to drop to his knees clutching at his chest as the tears fell from his face as he looked down at the ground.

"Ok ok ok Izuku you're ok. Everything is going to be alright. Just remember your breathing exercises. Inhale. Count to 4. Exhale. Count to 4. Repeat" Deku said talking to himself trying to calm himself down like he had done so many times before as he took a deep breath in.

1...2...3...4.

He released the breath breathing out this time.

1...2...3...4.

He repeated this several times until eventually the pounding of his heart slowed down and his breathing steadied and the heaviness he felt in his chest finally disappeared.

Well that sucked. I'm surprised nobody asked me if I was ok or has come to check on me. It's kind of weird considering I'm in public but-...wait...how did I...when did...I'm here...

Deku looked up to realise that he'd actually fallen to his knees right in front of the place he'd come to visit. He was in a graveyard and nobody else was around or anywhere to be seen. He was completely alone. And he was on his knees in front of the gravestone he'd come to visit on a regular basis. It read:

"A constant light in the darkness. A beacon of hope. A teacher. A mentor. A Symbol of Peace. Here lies-"

"Toshinori Yagi....hey All Might. I'm back...again..."