The son of Harry Styles {EN}

Chapter 9

CLAIRE

Mom is busy building her second store in Brooklyn these days. She's also looking for an apartment. The first days and probably weeks or even months we will stay in uncle Sam's apartment. I'm pretty glad we're going to stay there. His apartment is one of the most beautiful ever. It's beautiful. I hope that my apartment or house or whatever I will live in  later will look like this.

Sam and I have always had the same taste. Mom says we have that from Grandpa. I never really knew him, I was barely a year when he died. I don't remember anything about him. He was an interior designer. He was pretty good at that, too. In his day, he was very sought after. People from all over Europe wanted to work with him. That caused problems with Grandma because he was hardly ever home. Sometimes he chose his work over Grandma without realising it. When he was 40, he chose not to go international anymore. He wanted to be home to his family and his wife more often. When he was 55, he died in a car accident.

Today I'm going shopping with Robin. My clothes are getting smaller and smaller. My belly keeps growing and the rest too, result of being pregnant. We're also going to buy clothes for Merlin. I really want to be ready when he gets there. I don't want to be surprised especially since it's my first child. Luckily, I mean, imagine a second child when I was 19.

It's almost evening when we're done shopping. My legs and feet are broken. I'd like to say I can't feel them anymore, but I do, too good, even. I can feel the pain shooting in my feet. We're going to a little cozy eatery and there we're going to see if we can eat something. It's really cozy there.

"Did you hear anything from Silas?" I called him, but he didn't pick up, after the fifth call, I talked something in his voicemail. I said I wanted to give him all the space and time he needs and i don't want to go out arguing and maybe we can stay friends. I didn't hear from him a week later.

"No, still not."

"Say, he shouldn't exaggerate now. You haven't known each other that long, and Brooklyn has always been your biggest dream. I remember when you were 8 years old and you went to your uncle for the first time, and you only mentioned Brooklyn for the next few days and you always said, "Someday I'm going to live there." You certainly shouldn't feel guilty. He's a two-week-old, and Brooklyn's been something like 11."

I know she's right, I just hope he'll see that, too.

In the meantime, we eat on and Robin is scrolling on her cell phone.

"Holy shit, hahaha," robin says with a laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Twitter has completely exploded." Ergh, I never liked Twitter. I've never understood the point of that, and I'm never going to understand it either. I once had twitter, but after a few days I just knew what to write down. And the things people wrote were so ridiculous, like who cares?

"What happened now?"

"Zayn leaves One Direction aaahh," she says with a fake scream that makes everyone look at us.

One Direction. Harry.

Shit.

3.5 months I managed not to think about him for one second. When I first knew I was pregnant, I thought about him almost every day. Not that I was in love with him, but just because I didn't know if I should tell him or not. After that, I was so convinced not to tell him that I had kind of forgotten him. Come to think of him, Can't I resist imagining what it would be like if I had told him, right? Would he sit here instead of Robin, shop clothes for our son or would I wait for a call from him instead of Silas? I'm starting to look at my phone, I really want to make up with him.

"Claire? Hallooo" She waves her hands in front of me. "Everything ok? You're not going to tell me you're sad someone leaving One Direction?"

"Hahaha, no of course not." I'll give them a little smile to make sure she drops it. Luckily, she does it, too.

The next day Silas calls me awake.

"Hey."

"Hey." I don't really know what to say.

"Can we see each other. I think we need to talk right."

"Hmm, I have nothing to do today."

"Okay, I'm coming to you at 10:00?"

"That's good. Until then."

"Until then."

I don't know what to expect from it at all. Will he say he hates me? No, or he'd say that on the phone. Would he... Aargh, I don't know. When I look at the clock, I see it's 8:45. I'm going to go to the bathroom quickly to grab a shower.

Just when I put my hair in a tail, the bell rings. He's here.

"Hey, c- come in," I say quivering. I hope he doesn't hear I'm nervous.

"Hey." After a minute, I'm just standing there in entrance hall, "We'll go to the living room. That's going to be better talking than standing here."

I feel the tension between us. He's nervous, too, just like me. I don't know if I should be happy with that? Is he nervous to see me or the things he'll say? The air feels so thick, it's almost impossible to keep. Finally, he opens his mouths. Mmmh, his mouth. His soft lips. Claire, focus!

"Listen, I've been able to think for a long time and I've come to realise that I've exaggerated -," he begins, but I interrupt him.

"No, that's not -," and now he interrupts me, "Let me pronounce Claire. I did overdo it. We've only known each other for two weeks, and Brooklyn has been your dream for years, probably almost all your life. It might be love at first sight with us, at least with me, but I can't expect you to drop Brooklyn for me. I know, two weeks ago, I wish you stayed here for me, but then I was so confused. You kissed me and you're going to leave. It was so fucked up in my head. I hope Brooklyn will take good care of you and that it will be just like your dream. I especially want everything to be fine between us.

He doesn't realise what it does to me to hear him say all those things, knowing he supports me. Somewhere he's right. I can't and won't drop Brooklyn for anyone.

"I understand your reaction from then and you don't have to feel sorry for nothing. I probably would have reacted like that, maybe even worse. I'm glad you accept my choice now. That means we're friends again, right?"

"It's going to be hard for me, but yes, just friends."

"It will also be difficult for me."

Silas

God, it's going to be really hard to control me, but I don't want to lose her. Not even as a friend and if all that is that I will ever be for her, Then I will be a friend. But I want so much more. I want to be able to grab her, kiss her, touch her, hear her call my name, her... Fuck, I have to stop thinking like this, because it won't happen. Never. She's so beautiful, beautiful, perfect. But not only her appearance, her inner too, it's even better. She's just so perfect.

I'm going back home after an hour. The tension was too big. I also felt she was having a hard time with it. Somehow I'm glad it's the same with her, about anyway. Otherwise, I just felt like a freak to care so much about a girl I've only known for two weeks. I've only seen her three times.

I'll just try to make the most of the last few months. She deserves it. She's struggling enough with Merlin.

CLAIRE

I'm so happy. I know, we'll just be friends and stay. That'll never change, but I'd rather never be with him again than never see him again. Somewhere I want him as more, but this is better, right?

We're going to continue our movie marathon tomorrow. Well, with Robin and Sara, because we didn't know if it was a good idea to be alone for hours. We have been very open with our feelings, which is good, otherwise the one will hurt the next without realising it. I also know now that he's struggling not to grab and kiss me right now.

Hopefully that will change one day and one day we can do normally against each other. Somewhere deep inside me, I think it's never going to change. I will always long for him, be attracted to him. I like him. I love him.