High School Sweetheart <3

Part 45 (Things We Left Unsaid)

Blake's P.O.V.

"Gaia?" I call her name but she looks like she's fainting. She asks me to grab the baby and so I do, after I grab her I hear a flatline.

"What's going on?" I ask desperate.

"Her heart stopped"

"WHAT?!"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step outside"m

"Wait! What do you mean? She was fine!" a nurse takes the baby from me and practically drags me out. "Wait, please, no. I gotta be with her"

"Clear!" was all I hear before they shut the door on my face. I panic, I pace around the hall, I don't know what the hell is going on. I walk to the waiting room, crying and with both my hands on the back of my head.

"... por los siglos de los siglos, amén" I hear Mrs. K. praying.

"What happened?" she shots up as soon as she sees me and all I do is shake my head. "No! No, no, no!! My baby!" she cried on my chest. "Oh God no! Please!" I lean to the wall and glide down to sit on the floor and cry with her.

"Blake?" I hear a familiar voice.

"Mom?" I didn't know she was coming. "Mom!" I practically almost run to her.

"Jesus! What happened?!" she hugs me and tries to comfort me, but there are no words to comfort me with what I'm feeling.

"She's gone" I cry on her shoulder. "She's gone, I can't--" I can't think about a life without her. There's just no world that I can be without her. "I was gonna do right by her. I was---" I choke up.

"Oh God, what happened?"

"I don't know, her heart stopped and they dragged me out"

"So it's not official? Honey don't give up on hope"

"She asked me to give you this" Gaia's mom hands me three small envelopes.

"What is this?" I take them.

"Letters" she sniffles.

"Letters? For what?"

"For you and the kids... In case this happened"

"Do you want to be alone?" my mom asks as she strokes the back of my head.

"I think I'm gonna go outside and read them..."

"We'll be right here" my mom tip toes to kiss my forehead and to tell me she loves me.

I go outside to read the letters. Each one had our name, except the third one that just had written "My dearest baby girl" 

Why would she write letters? Why was she thinking something like this could even happen to her? I decide to leave mine for last and start with Asher's: 

"To my sweet boy...

There are no words to describe how you made me feel the first time I held you in your arms... I guess I could say happy but I feel like the word is not enough. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see you live the rest of your life but I hope there's an afterlife so I can be by your side everyday... Well not everyday, that would be creepy but you know what I mean. Please look after your new little sister, and your dad too. Make him laugh the way you always made us both laugh, we know how much we don't like to see him sad... Never give up on what you want in life, follow your dreams.  I love you my little peanut... Always and forever. 

                        Love, Mommy"

Even in death she makes some sort of joke...

"To my baby girl...

How do I explain what I feel as I'm writing this to you? I'm not sure you'll understand how I can love you so much without knowing you or ever seeing you. I guess that's a mother's love... It's so hard to write this without knowing what your name will be, I think it's the first time your dad and I disagree on something, but... I'll know he'll give you a beautiful name... Now to the hard part, when you're old enough to read this and understand what happened, please know it was not your fault... It was my choice and mine alone... You gave me another chance at being a mom again, even if it was for 3 seconds or 10 or even a minute. Maybe one day when you're a mom you'll understand the love I have for you without you being in my arms yet... I hope your dad tells you crazy stories about us and all the things we went through someday. I love you baby girl even though I won't be there to show it, I do...

                        Love, Mommy"

These letters... there's something to them. She had to know she was going to die. But why didn't she tell me?

"Blake,

I'm guessing you read the kids letters before even reading yours... I love you. I can say it everyday and somehow I know those will be my last words I say to you. I'm sorry I have to say this to you through some stupid letter... By now you know I'm not here anymore, which is why you're probably reading this unless you snooped around or my mom gave them to you so you could know before the baby came... Anyways... I couldn't find the right words to tell you I might die giving birth to our daughter, I guess I'm not strong enough. But even if I found the courage and the right words to tell you I wouldn't... we were so happy knowing another baby was on the way and I couldn't take that happiness away from you. As I'm sure you read on Asher's letter, I can't stand to see you sad... You're probably thinking right now you could have done something or pay for some sort of surgery, but you couldn't. My body was weak and no money in the world could make it strong...

I know you're mad, and sad but I least we got the baby we always wanted. I know we said no secrets between us so I hope you can forgive me for this one day. I mean what's the worst that can happen? That I die?... Sorry, bad joke. I want you to know that you were my only one, my other half, my soul mate... my one true love. I'm sorry I couldn't get to marry you, I know that was the last thing left on our list. But I know you'll find someone else that can make you happy and maybe you can marry her. Oh, but make sure she treats the kids right or I will hunt her ass down... Raise them right, you're a great man and I don't have a doubt in my mind you can do this, plus you have your mom and mine to help.

I know you don't have to right now and you'll get upset when I tell you this, but you have to let me go in order for you to be happy again... You won't right now and I understand that, but at some point you're gonna have to. For your sake and the kids and everyone elses, I'm dead, and I'm not coming back. I wish there was more time for us to be together... but I guess fate had other plans. In the end it all sums up to one thing... I love you.... that's all I can say... and goodbye.

                Love always, your wife..."

How can she expect me to just forget her one day? How can I marry someone else when the only one I've ever loved was her? She had my heart and if she dies, it dies with her.....

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I cried writing this!!! :'( 

Thoughts??