Avengers Preferences and Imagines

I"ll Always Love You... But At What Cost? (Loki)

A/N: Just another quick one, I hope ya enjoy it. This version of "events" blurs storylines, but I'm not worried about it. It fits. This one is kind of sad I guess, just a heads up. 

Prompt: The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I'm still in love with you." 

I stormed through the castle, my heeled boots clicking in tune with my furious steps. I had caught wind that they were bringing Loki back to Asgard. He and I had been in love once, but I had not seen him since that fateful day that he 'fell to his death' on the Bifrost. I had thought of him often since then, always with pity, until I heard of what he had done on Midgard; the chaos and destruction he had caused. The lives he had taken... and for what? I was no longer certain that there was anything left of the man I had once loved. 

Finally, I could see Thor, my closest friend, up ahead. Furiously storming towards him calling his name, I quickly caught his attention. "Where is he?" I growled as I got closer to him. Thor just looked sad; defeated. He ran a hand through his hair, contemplating what excuse to give me. "You cannot see him (y/n), he is unwell." he tried, attempting to sound sympathetic to my situation. I grabbed him by the shoulder, pushing him backward with all my force into the nearest abandoned room. "I. Will. See. Him." I declared with determination. Thor still looked pained for me. "(y/nickname), he is not the man you remember." he said, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "Take me to him," I demanded again, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance. Not wishing to argue any further, he beckoned for me to follow him out of the room. 

I had never been to the palace dungeons before, but I did not expect the scene that was before me. Surprisingly, the space was open, bright, and the cells were spacious. I could see the electrifying forcefields in front of all of them, keeping their prisoners secure. I could feel his presence the moment my foot left the last stair; one of my many gifts I suppose. Without Thor's direction, I trailed my way through the dungeons, knowing my intuition would guide me to him. I stopped in the middle of the room, several cells in, and turned to my left. What I was greeted with nearly broke me. Gone was the man I had once known and loved. In his place was a broken, cruel-looking man. His hair was disheveled, his clothes holding none of their typical glamour. The magic itself seemed to have been drained out from him. 

I was aware of Thor behind me, his hand on my shoulder. "We should turn back. It is not wise for us to be here-" he trailed off. But I had already stepped away from him and was walking towards the cell. I heard Thor's cries of protest, but I continued. Taking a deep breath, I stepped through the forcefield with ease and without harm. This caught Loki's attention for the first time since my arrival. "How?" he mused, knowing what the forcefield was meant to do when one came into contact with it. "You are not the only one with magic, Loki," I said coldly. "What are you doing here (y/n)?" he asked with disinterest. "I came to see you," I said, trying to remain as emotionless as I could, taking a seat across from him. "Why?" he questioned me plainly. 

I sighed and fiddled with my loose hair. How could I answer that. I didn't wish to be cruel to him, I truly didn't. But I was hurt, and I was angry. How could I feel anything else? Sitting in front of me was a man who had once been kind. He had loved me once, and I him. But now it felt like two distant strangers were sitting together, one mourning all she had lost, and the other mourning all he would never have. I decided to just be forthcoming with him, about why I was here. I stood, and he followed suit. "I came because I heard about what you had done. In fact, I saw it." I declared to him. This shocked him, he hadn't known I was there. "I took the Bifrost to earth after your brother. I FOUGHT in that war Loki." I growled, pulling down the collar of my shirt to show him when I had nearly been pierced in the heart by one of his Chitari soldiers.  

He looked visibly ill at the sight of how close the wound was to my heart. He almost looked as if he felt remorse for his actions, but I remained unconvinced. I was losing my temper slowly, the pain and my rage rapidly eating away at me. 'YOU KILLED EIGHTY PEOPLE IN TWO DAYS! AND HOW MANY MORE AFTER THAT IN YOUR SENSELESS WAR! AND FOR WHAT?!" I hollered at him, with a panting breath. "I wanted to be adored, acknowledged for once." he offered quietly. I exploded. "I DID LOVE YOU LOKI. I ADORED YOU. BUT YOU THREW IT AWAY!" I cried. He looked almost as hurt as I felt in the moment. "It was my right to be a King, I did what I had to in order to be one," he said simply in an attempt to justify his actions. 

I could not believe what he was saying. I had taken Thor at his word when he told me Loki was unwell, but this was unbelievable. I had been foolish to believe that my presence would fix this. I wanted to hate him, but my foolish, fickle heart seemed incapable of the task. It felt as if Loki could read the thoughts racing through my head at this very moment. "The worst part of all of this, I suppose, is that you hate me now." he mused. Feeling the rage boil up inside me again, I turned back towards him. I chuckled coldly. "No," I said shaking my head in disbelief. "The worst part of this is that even after everything you have done, I still love you," I said, struggling to deny it any longer. 

Loki appeared to be in as much disbelief as I was. "You still love me?" he asked softly this time, taking a step towards him. I knew this fascinated him, but that he also saw it as a game. Loki was a master of magic and mischief stuck in a box without the ability to practice either. He was bored, and at this moment I was entertaining. I knew what I had to do, despite knowing that it would break me. "Of course I still love you-" I confirmed, trailing off a bit. "But I will always hate myself for it," I said clearly. This truly shocked him, and for once the witty master of magic had nothing to say. 

I did not offer him the opportunity. I took one last look at the shell of the man I had once loved and walked back through the forcefield to join Thor, who had been patiently waiting to escort me back up. "Take me back please," I whispered in a small voice, attempting to keep my emotions in check until we had put a sufficient distance between us and the dungeons. "As you wish" Thor whispered, gently leading me out of the dungeons, back into the palace. 

The moment we were clear from the stairwell, I collapsed into my friend, no longer able to fight off the tears, or the crushing pain I was feeling. Thor lowered us both gently to the floor, wrapping me up in a strong hug. "Oh (y/nickname), it will all be alright," he whispered, trying to soothe me. But I didn't believe him. How could I ever be alright when after everything he had done, I still loved Loki. How could I ever be alright again when I hated myself as much as I did for loving the only man that I had ever truly loved? 

Hopefully, everyone enjoyed this, even though it was kind of a heartbreaker. 

XOXO, -L