Avengers Preferences and Imagines

SMAU: Countdown (Clint Barton)

A/N: IDK anymore, maybe this is good, maybe it isn't, I'm no longer sure. This took me FOREVER to write I'm so sorry.

PROMPT: Everyone is born with a countdown timer on their wrist that counts down the time until you finally meet your soulmate.

23 years, 4 months, 17 days.

Twenty Three years, 4 months, and 17 days. That was the time that had been imprinted on my wrist when I was born; the alleged time when I would meet my soulmate. The damn thing never stopped counting down, a reminder that time was marching on, and that my time was running out. 23 years had seemed like such a long time, it had seemed like forever. I had spent the last 22 years giving the matter of my soulmate almost no thought. But forever has a way of sneaking up on you, and some things can't be avoided forever.

1 year, 8 months, 09 days

One year, 8 months, and 09 days until I'm destined to meet my soulmate. If you believe in that kind of stuff that is. Personally, I wasn't one for the idea of soulmates: two people who were perfect for each other in every way. It seemed like a ridiculous notion that was only embraced by people who had nothing else. For me, the notion was ridiculous, and one that I couldn't afford to waste my time on. Sure, maybe I had a soulmate out there somewhere. And maybe he was looking for me. But I sure as hell wasn't looking for him; I didn't have the time to waste. My job as a HYDRA spy kept me occupied and left little time for such trivial matters.

As much as I outwardly dismissed the notion, I would be lying if I said that my mind didn't occasionally wander; drawn in by all the things that I could have been if my circumstances had been different. My parents had been HYDRA's shining stars; the best of the best. So it came as no surprise to anyone that after my parents died, they recruited me. I hadn't known then that what I was doing was wrong. I was young, and my grief had consumed me. By the time I had figured out that I was on the wrong side of the fight it was too late. I had spent countless years now looking for an out but to no avail; that's the thing about terrorist groups, you don't just get to leave. So I continued my work as their spy; slipping in and out of the shadows unnoticed. I followed one strict rule with my work: I don't kill anybody. Incapacitate, sure. But I have never taken a life on any of my missions, I have no need for it. This statute of mine keeps me moral, keeps me good; it makes me feel human.

Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I allowed myself a longing glance at the timer on the inside of my dominant hand. I hadn't thought about my soulmate in a while. Sadness washed over me as I realized that no matter what happened when I did meet him, we would never be able to have a life together. HYDRA would make sure of it. Relationships were frowned on; seen as 'tedious distractions' to our work. And if I left, they would never stop hunting me; there wouldn't be a place on earth secure enough to stop them from coming for me. And I knew that I could never drag an innocent person into any of that. The crushing weight of my situation didn't stop me from wondering, it was an admittedly nice escape.

I wasn't sure why but when I thought of him, I knew that he was one of the good guys; that he was on the right side of the fight I so desperately wanted to be free from. I always imagined that he had beautiful eyes, the kind that when you looked too deeply into them you see the secrets of the universe hidden within them. I imagined that he would be kind, that somehow he would disregard my past and accept me for who I was underneath all the wrong I had done. It was a lot to hope for, but sometimes this deluded daydream of mine was the only thing I had to hang onto.

02 days, 13 hours, 37 minutes

My heart wrenched as I caught a glimpse of the timer on my wrist. We were so close, time had finally caught up to me, Maybe in another life, I would have been more excited to be only two days away from meeting my soulmate. Maybe even in this life, I would have been able to muster up some excitement over the matter, but I couldn't afford that right now. I had just been assigned another mission, and it was likely to be a dangerous one. I couldn't afford to be distracted right now if I wanted to make it out of this alive. I studied the file in front of me intently. The mission itself was simple: track a target, learn his routine. The risk came from the rumors that S.H.I.E.L.D was also interested in my target. I had only come up against S.H.I.E.L.D once before, but it was enough to figure out that they were good. And ruthless; nothing would stand in their way of getting what they wanted, not even me. I was good, but doubt began to settle in as I wondered how much of a match I could truly be for some of the world's most renowned agents.