Fifty Shades Of Kim™

14.

"Having a low opinion of yourself isn't modesty, it's self destruction."

Y/n P.O.V

You know sometimes when someone is sad, they try to motivate themselves that it's okay, they are going to be okay but then the reality proves them wrong, so godamn wrong.

Sadness is a stupid emotion which doesn't leave anyone alone. It fucks up each and every nerve of your body.

There must be a reason for sadness right? Mine was insecurity.

I never, never am satisfied with myself. Throughout my whole life people threw my self confidence down and there isn't a thing about me which I'm proud of.

I always want to blame myself for not being good. Today when he rejected my offer, that's where I realised how of a stupid person I was.

Did I really think the Kim Taehyung would want to touch someone like me

That's what's the problem, he won't and he will never.

No no, I'm not disheartened because he rejected me. That's not painful but the fact that I went towards him hurts.

I shouldn't have gone, I should have known my worth in this world.

I wanted to cry let out my pain scream at someone and tell them. Am I not good enough??? Or am I waste of use? Or am I a disgrace. I just want to breath freely, want to run away somewhere where there is no one to judge me. No one to tell me 'you are not good enough'

My heart feels hollow, as if someone digged a hole into it. I'm just numb, totally numb.

I shut my eyes and tried soothing the burning headache which was starting to build up in my head.

My eyes were bloody red from crying and I was afraid because I might get a panic attack this point. Doctor recommended me not to stress but how do I when everything is messed up?

The only noises which could be heard was the ticking of clock and the mild breeze from window. This atmosphere was calm but I couldn't calm down, my mind can't stop thinking negative.

Taehyung was really pissed, the moment I escorted Abby he shouted at her too and I'm guessing those two are having sex? Maybe but I don't care.

I tried so hard to divert my mind. I tried so hard not to shed one tear but in the end all my attempts went in vain. My tears flowed out of my eyes.
My mouth was clamped shut. I don't want to cry or I don't want someone to hear me cry.

But what to do I am weak and seems like my tears were my best friends they never leave me alone...

Tears always accompany me. In darkest of my sorrows and in dept of my pain.

They are present everywhere, godamn bitches.

I'll tell you. I am tired ... tired of people neglecting me, tired of them showing I am a second choice a second option. Ever since Jimin left me alone I had no one to talk to,  I bottled up all my feelings and I literally can't talk to anyone. Trusting people isn't my thing because this world is cruel.

Oh Sam? I don't trust her yet. She is my friend I do understand but then I can't go around telling everyone my personal problems can I?

Sometimes I really wonder how selfish world is.

Everytime Yoongi tells believe in god. I do believe in him but what is this? Why should I suffer so much. People might think god gave you everything a nice face food to eat house to live . I'm glad he did all this but what about me? Why do people hate me? I know I'm strong I'm fucking strong but Yet I can't bear all these. The way woman stare at me the way men stare at me all of this is too overbearing.