Akatsuki Oneshots (Based on A Taster of Modern Living and Akatsuki's Shadow)

Requested: Overly Flirting

On a dull boring day at work where it felt like the day was dragging so slowly, you looked up to the clock. "4.30.." you stepped out to the staff kitchen to make yourself and Sasori a tea. It wasn't long until a work friend of yours appeared, "Hey [Y/N]"

"Oh hey Jess! Tea?"

She nodded and sat herself on the bar stool leaning forward with the usual mischievous smirk she pulls when she's up to something. You scoffed, "What's on your mind?" She starts to act dumb about it all, looking around as if she wasn't staring you down.

"Spill it Jess, I know you well"

"Whose the extra tea for hm? Sasori? ~" She cooed his name out slowly and playfully.

You laughed waving your hand at her, "We're just friends~" mimicking her tone right back at her.

She sighed crossing her arms, "Hmm you're right. You've always struggled with flirting. There's no way a guy would think you're even interested in them" You knew Jess for a while and she loved dragging herself into the love life gossip any chance she could. But as gullible as you can be, you fell for it. Your face warmed with embarrassment and you attempted to hide it whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, "A-Am not!"

"Don't you remember the Christmas work event? You got a bit too tipsy and painfully flirted with the bartender" she teased.

"S-Shut uppp..." you grumbled under your breath pouring out the boiling water.

"Let's make work fun today, shall we?" She linked her fingers together.

"This doesn't sound like it'll be fun for me" you pouted, passing her the tea you made.

"If you can successfully flirt with Sasori, then I will take all your phone calls for the rest of the week AND buy you lunch"

You squinted, thinking about it and how you might succeed. Sasori was a bit ..reserved in the emotional department but the idea of a portion of your workload being reduced and free food made your competitive side instantly say, "Deal"

You took a minute to compel yourself before taking the tea and heading back to your shared desk. Jess scurried with silent steps to her own desk, observing everything.

You sultered yourself over to Sasori and leaned up against him, "Here's your tea, hun"
He blanked your words, nodding faintly whilst continuing writing on his notepad.

You allowed yourself to 'accidentally' brush up against him as you moved to your seat. You were beginning to get nervous and looked over at Jess who was miming words of encouragement with two thumbs up from the other side of the room. You nodded back with a small, newly developed form of motivation and continued with your bashful attempts of flirting. You leaned forward, pushing out your chest to make them more inviting as you began to compliment him, "Wow Sasori, are you wearing a new cologne? It smells amazing"

His eyes stayed fixed forward at the screen, "Wood polish" he states blandly.

You could see Jess creeping closer to try and hear what's going on which made you all the more nervous. In an instant to hurry this up, you playfully laughed aloud and touched his arm, "Hahaha oh Sasori, you're so funny"

He turned to you, looked at you with slight concern before placing a hand on your forehead, "Are you ill? You're sweaty and red in the face. You're also speaking nonsense. You should go home"

This painfully cringe worthy act failed and left you more flustered than before. You could hear the snorting snickers from Jess behind you and used this moment to run away, dragging Jess with you to pinch her cheeks at how mean she was to let you go through with this awkward situation.

Thankfully Sasori was completely oblivious. But he gave you an idea. You used this opportunity to leave home early. Jess felt a twinge of guilt for your failure even though it was just a game and said she'd cover for you.
Upon walking home you thought to yourself about practicing the art of seduction and see if its you or just your flirting that's the issue. You thought to yourself, this could either be a great idea or just a self destructive way to ruin your confidence.

Hidan:

"W-What are you doing.." His eyes were narrowed looking you all over. He began poking you, checking if you're actually real or a genjutsu. He shook his head at every action and word you made, "Kakuzu put you up to this, didn't he? WELL I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT KAKUZU!" he starts yelling to thin air thinking Kakuzu is hiding around the corner. "How much did he pay you to fuck with me, huh? I ain't falling for this crap! This shits too good to be true. I ain't fucking fallin' for it."

Kisame:

The guy was frozen like a deer in headlights. He kept looking behind him thinking someone like Itachi was there and you were really talking to them instead. But when he realised it was just you two, he just stuttered a lot and couldn't even look at you. When you touched his arm and attempted to give him a kiss on the cheek, he spewed out a nervous squeak and made an excuse for him to run away, though you never actually heard it. His deep voice rose a few pitches and spoke so fast it made no sense.

Itachi:

Itachi was blind to the flirting at first. But it was when your hand lingered longer than he anticipated on top of his, he choked on his tea. That's when the blood shot straight up to his face and his calm stature wavered. He felt he didn't deserve this attention in the slightest.

Kakuzu:

Kakuzu intitally stared you down at first. He said nothing, listening intently before acting quite similar to Hidan. He went down to your eye level and stared into your eyes, waiting for you to break. "Nice try, Hidan"
You rolled your eyes, "Oh come on! It's me, not Hidan! Why the hell would Hidan flirt with you!"
He flicked your forehead, making you whine at the sting, "And why the hell would [Y/N] flirt with me? I'm not falling for it. I saw you practising Jutsu's in the garden."
"It's ME!"
Kakuzu walked away and avoided you all day until he saw Hidan and you in the same room, then realising that it wasn't him at all. Later on he came up to you, "How much have you drunk today?"
"OH COME ON!!!"

Deidara:

Deidara analysed you well, but also heard and witnessed you attempt this with the others. He knew your game and wanted to see your reaction if he reciprocated. So he flirted back, hard. You became too flustered and nervous at first but then you realised his game too. So it ended up in an all out cringy flirt fest until one of you gave up. It somehow came to him with a hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in slowly to see if you pull back. But his hand tongues had a mind of their own. You two were an inch away from seeing who will pull away from a kiss, until his tongue licked the back of your neck making you shriek out as the shiver ran up your spine before running away.

Tobi:

After the failed attempt of Deidara, he too was left embarrassed and awkward but that didn't stop him overhearing you with Tobi. But poor Tobi was so oblivious! You would invite him out, just the 'two of you' and he would call out and invite Deidara as well. After many attempts you were growing tired of the constant, "Sure lemme go get Deidara!" that you just gave up. When Tobi was confused, Deidara turned to him "You idiot, she was flirting with you and you lost your chance, hm" He looked so confused, "She was flirting with....me?" his words had so much doubt in them. Then Deidara helped convince him. When he finally realised he panicked and chased after you, "[Y-Y/N]-chaaaaan let's go on a daaaateeeeee, I'm sorrrrryyyyyyy!!!!"

Zetsu:

"[Y/N] your cheeks are warm, don't touch her she might be sick"
"What's with that weird look on your face?"
"Oh forget it, I've endured enough failure today" You gave up easily after this one, realising that Zetsu was the worst person for this. He hasn't come across someone who would flirt before, he cannot understand what you're trying to get at.
"But wait, I think we've somehow upset her, just leave her be. If she's ill it could be contagious. I don't think she's ill. Either way she's being strange. I dislike"