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Cisco - The Flash part one

A/n: trigger warning for mentions of emotional abuse and negative self thoughts

I was angry. Angry at everything. Mostly, myself. I was so angry that I let myself believe what I had with my ex was actually love. He thought I was selfish, when all that I wanted was to be happy. And eventually, I started to believe that. I started to believe that everyone else mattered more, that my happiness should always come in second. He was a manipulative bastard, and I had wished to God that I had been strong enough to leave him sooner than I did.

I couldn't believe that I had once thought that he had actually loved me. I guess I was a fool. That's one of the things that I thought was wrong with me. I always chose to see the good in people. I would over look every single time that someone would do something awful. Inventing excuses like, "They didn't mean it" or "Maybe they are just having a bad day". I always, always ignored it.

I didn't understand why I was the way I was. I wanted to see the good in people. I guess, maybe I need to stop doing that. I needed to let myself see all of the flaws, and the bullshit. Because if I didn't I would just end up getting hurt again. I already felt so weak, and, I didn't really know how much more crap that I could handle at this point.

It had gotten to the point where I would barely even come into work anymore. Hell, it was hard for me to even get out of bed at this point. I spent most of my days sleeping. I'd get up to eat some, drink some water. I did the bare minimum to just keep staying alive, and at this point, even that felt nearly impossible for me to do.

Today, was a slightly better day. I had actually managed to drag my own ass out of bed, but that doesn't exactly mean that I was productive. I did shower for the first time in a couple of weeks. Which, granted is a bit gross, but it's crazy the things depression and heart break can do to you. They make one hell of a nasty combo, especially after going through a heavy amount of emotional trauma.

For some reason, a breach had opened in my living room, and Cisco walked through. The breach closed behind him. Cisco looked at me with both worry and relief. "You hadn't come into Star Labs in so long, I thought something had happened." he said.

Right. Cisco, or anyone, really, didn't actually know about what happened. "Something, did happen to me." I said, my voice a bit faint.

Cisco sat down next to me. "What happened?" he asked.

"I was dating this guy. His name was Jake. He was a real asshole. And, he was a narcissist. He was manipulative, and he had convinced me that I loved him. I don't know why I ever thought I did, or why it took me so long to see that our relationship wasn't healthy. I split up with him, thanks to Oliver, who, somehow found out about what was going on. That was a couple of months ago. I've just needed space lately. With Thinker, or whatever the hell you guys are calling him, and the bus metas, and the break up, it's all to much, and I really don't know how to handle any of it. It's far to overwhelming." I said.

"I get it. The overwhelming part, I mean. Yeah, I understand that all of it is really overwhelming." Cisco said.

"The things he said to me. I'll never forget them. I, I don't know if I'll ever actually move on from all of it." I said.

"I'm here for you, just know that." Cisco said.

"I know." I said.