Multi fandom imagines

Zack - The Suite Life on Deck

⚠Trigger Warning mentions of past self harm and suicidal and depressive thoughts⚠

I sat up in my bed. I stared at the scars on my upper arms. I had a problem. Whenever the emotional pain got to much, I'd do things. Bad things, to myself. I didn't want anyone to know, so I hid the scars, I hid all of my pain.

A tear fell down my cheek. I was able to hide my pain from others, but as much as I tried to bury it down, deep inside me, I couldn't not feel this pain. I hate feeling the way I do.

I feel awful. Empty. Hopeless. Numb. I wish to all things that I could stop hurting, sometimes I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing. But when I don't feel anything, I wish to God I could feel something.

I got up out of bed. I pulled some clothes out of my closet. I got changed.

After getting changed I headed out of my cabin. I walked to the sky deck and over to the juice bar to get a smoothie.

"Hey" Zack said when he saw me walk over.
"Hey Zack" I said sitting down at the juice bar.
I ordered my smoothie. I sat there waiting for it to be made.

Zack handed me my smoothie.
"Thanks" I said as I drank it. I drank my smoothie in silence. Normally I'd have a conversation with Zack, him being my boyfriend and all, we like to talk to each other. I'd been a bit distant lately, and he hasn't really asked why.

"Hey, me and a few others were thinking about hanging out later, you wanna join?" Zack asked me.

I finished my smoothie.
"Not really babe." I said paying for the smoothie and getting up. I headed back to my cabin.

I walked to my cabin. I got there and opened the door. I went to close it but I felt something stop the door from closing. I saw Zack's hand planted on the door.

"What's been going on with you?" Zack asked me walking in.

I closed the door and sat down on my bed.
"Nothing, I'm fine" I told him.

Zack walked over and sat down beside me.
"I can tell you aren't. Y/n, please, what's wrong?" Zack asked me.

"I said I'm fine Zack" I told him.
"No, you aren't" Zack said.
"What do you mean, no I'm not?" I asked him.
"I can tell when you aren't. I know you. I can tell when you aren't okay. Not to mention the fact that I'm your boyfriend" Zack told me.

I stood up. "Yes, you are my boyfriend, and I love you. But just because you are my boyfriend, doesn't mean that you know me. You don't know me." I told him.

Zack stood up. "I love you too, you know that, and yeah, I may not know everything about you, but I do know you. Like how you love the color (favorite color). I know how your favorite movie is (favorite movie). I know how you love (favorite food) and how you could eat it for almost every meal. Yeah, I know you" Zack told me.

"But do you know what goes on in my head? Do you know my deepest fears? The things that keep me up at night? Do you know my insecurities? You think you know me," I said. "But you only know the surface. You know the things I allow you to know"

Zack sat back down. I sat down beside him.

"But why are you scared to open up?" Zack asked me.

I looked down, "Because. The last person I opened up to left me. That person, he thought I had to much baggage." I said.

Zack put his hand on my leg.
"Hey, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be here for you, your baggage, you don't get to carry it alone anymore. I'm here, and I'm gonna take that weight, as much as I can, because I love you so much" He told me.

"Okay" I said.
"So, tell me what's been going on." Zack said.
"Okay, fine, you want the truth? The honest, messy, fucked up truth? I guarantee it'll terrify you." I said.

Zack looked me in the eyes and nodded.
"Yes, I want the truth" He told me.
"Alright, fine. The truth is, I don't feel good enough. The truth, I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be here anymore." I told him.

"You are good enough. Trust me you are more than good enough." Zack told me.

"I have scars on my arms. Sometimes, the emotional pain can get to be to much. I would cut myself, in hopes to make it stop. I haven't done it in a while, a week or so, but, it has happened." I said.

"You don't deserve that. You deserve so much better than hurting yourself. You deserve to be happy, and alive. You deserve to be loved. If anybody tells you otherwise, they are wrong." Zack told me.

I smiled slightly. "You do know me, more than I'd like to admit. One day, you will know me better than anyone, I didn't use to believe in soulmates, then I met you, I knew that we were supposed to be together" I said.

Zack smiled. "Yeah, definitely. I hope we will be together for a long time. We may not know the future, but what the heck, we make our own" He said.

I smiled. "I love you, more than anything or anyone" I told him.
"I love you too" Zack told me kissing my forehead.