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𝕬 few days after the letter from Mia I felt weird about the whole situation. I wanted him more than anything in the world, to be his girlfriend again, to let him love me. I felt as though I had made a mistake, however I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. He shouldn't be with me, I couldn't be selfish and have him put himself in danger because of me. I also wanted to speak with Sirius, I missed him too, I hadn't forgiven him for what he did and I certainly don't trust him the way I had done before but I did miss him. I just had to find a time when Remus wouldn't be around.
We were currently in potions class, to which I had been finding the lesson increasingly harder to endure, as I was still seated beside the boy. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, my cramps more painful this month. I dropped my quill, squeezing my eyes shut, moving my other hand to my stomach.
"Are you okay?" I heard him whisper to me under Slughorn's cheery voice, concern laced in his tone.
"Mhm" I nodded, trying not to wince from the pain. Usually they were bearable as I have a high pain intolerance from my furry problem but these cramps certainly had it in for me.
"No, you're not" He muttered, "Cramps?"
"Yeah" I breathed out, feeling him shuffle on his seat, pulling me into his side, my head falling on to his shoulder. My heart warmed as he handed me a piece of chocolate and held my into his side at the back of the class, everyone else's attention drawn forward on the professor. "Thank you"
"Mhm"
He tucked me into his side and it felt so comforting and reassuring until I realised what we were doing. We shouldn't be doing this, we aren't together anymore. It was wrong.
"James, we shouldn't be doing this" I murmured, feeling him rub his thumb over my shoulder, gulping slightly.
"We may not be together anymore, Elody, but you're in pain i'm not going to let you sit there and watch you suffer" He mumbled, planting a kiss on the top of my head, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. "Besides...I still love you" He continued almost silently, his voice low.
I lifted my head off his shoulder, staring into his hazel eyes, drowning in the golden caramel behind his framed glasses. My lips parted slightly, watching his eyes flicker down to them and back up to my eyes. We were dangerously close. He edged closer and closer, joining our lips together before I had the chance to process what was happening. His lips were as soft as always, his cherry lip balm making me want to kiss him more and more.
"We're in class" I mumbled against his lips, feeling him press his nose further into mine. Oh how I missed this. How I missed him.
"No one's watching" He replied, kissing me more, the both of us savouring the kiss and craving more after not having it for a long while.
"This is wrong..." I pulled back, taking a look at the class out of the corner of my eye and back to him, "We're not together anymore"
"I don't fucking care, i'm so in love with you" He whispered, connecting our lips again, my body relaxing into his. He was addictive, I didn't know if I could ever pull away again. My cramps were off my mind and the only thing I was thinking about was him and the way his mouth moulded onto mine. I breathed out when he retreated our lips, resting his forehead on mine, our eyes closed.
"Fuck" I cursed quietly. I was in trouble, deep trouble. What we just did was incredibly wrong but it felt so right, "i'm completely in love with you"
He kissed me again, cupping my cheek, "Come on" He muttered, quietly packing up our things and taking my hand, sneaking the both of us out the lesson, no one noticing as they were still watching Slughorn at the front.
•••
He threw his arm over my shoulder, bringing me into his body as we walked through the corridors together. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, "Does it still hurt?"
"Not as much"
He nodded, kissing the top of my head as we approached Gryffindor tower, saying the password and stepping into the common room. He took me up to his dorm, giving me some of his sweatpants and sweatshirt to wear to make me more comfortable, changing himself. He slid in to his bed behind me, wrapping his arms around me.
"Careful" I warned, raising my legs up to the fetal position, knowing it was the most comfortable this time of the month.
"Sorry, love" He whispered, brushing his lips over the back of my neck, bringing the covers up to our heads and snuggling further into me, "Do you need anything?"
"You"
"You've got me" He responded, resting his warm hand on my stomach and tracing his thumb up and down, reliving the cramps. "Is there anything else you want?"
"I'm okay with just you" I uttered, feeling him peck the back of my neck again, nestling his head into mine.
"I love you so much Lunes"
I felt guilty hearing those words come out of his mouth for breaking up with him in the first place. I know I had my reasons but I love him too much to throw it away. I had to be selfish.
"I love you so much more, James" I returned, closing my eyes, "I'm sorry for breaking up with you. I-I just don't want to hurt you again but I love you too much to let you go. I guess i'm weak" I sniffed, feeling my eyes glistening with tears.
"Hey, you're not weak, you're the strongest person I know, Elody. This just proves how powerful our love is, we can't let go of each other and we'll always love one another, no matter what" He said softly, "Shh, it's okay, you're okay"
He turned me around carefully, wrapping my legs around his torso, draping his arm over me as I cried into the crook of his neck.
"What are you doing? I'll bleed on you" I hiccuped, cautious of our position, my legs wrapped around him.
"I don't care, baby, it'll wash. I just want you to be comfortable" He responded, tracing his fingers up and down my back, slipping under my sweatshirt. Who even was this boy? "Rest, I'm with you"
I fluttered my eyes closed, being completely and utterly comforted in his arms after long excruciating weeks without him, cinnamon, broom polish and liquorice making me feel at home. I drifted off into sleep with my head nuzzled into his neck, dreaming about him. My James Potter.
