Yandere Toons x Reader: An Anthology of Headcanons and Scenarios

Philip Trousers (Platonic & Romantic Headcanons) (Green Eggs and Ham: Season 2)

TW: Implied Alcoholism, Embezzlement, Mentions of Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Toxic Mindsets.

A.N. - Believe it or not, he's one of the tamer characters in this universe.

Platonic:

If his friend is also in the secret agent business, Philip disregards the barest hint of subtlety and acquires matching outfits to, in his mind, help them look their best. He requests that Headquarters assign them to his current mission in a supporting role every time, looking for any reason to spam their telephone under the guise of wanting information on a target. The real purpose of these calls is to chat about what he had for breakfast when he should be flying an aeroplane, offer an assortment of fashion tips for a future meetup that they do not remember arranging, and brag about his triumph over the enemy spy before the chase has concluded.

Seeing himself as the pinnacle of beauty, Philip is not shy with his judgements and freely criticises others regardless of their relationship with his friend. He is the most impressive person in their life in his opinion, so he expects them to choose his invitations and laugh at his jokes before they give anyone else a passing glance. This becomes a much more complicated task if his friend happens to serve the opposing side of the operation, in which case Philip has strayed from the mission directives several times in an attempt to prove that he is the better agent and persuade them to defect to his side.

He fancies himself a classy gentleman who would never start a fight unless he has probable cause to blame someone else for making him ruffle his suit. When either the organisation or Marilyn Blouse demands to know why he keeps jeopardising his cover on missions, Philip explains that he is righting a horrible wrong after yet another person makes a distasteful comment about his friend. It could be as trivial as disliking the colour of their outfit, but the details are meaningless to Philip since he tells everyone that they are his greatest comrade and demonstrates this by slugging anyone who fails to treat them with the same level of respect that he wants for himself.

Philip relies on his friend for more than he cares to admit, often treating their assistance as expected rather than generous or kind. They are the first person he contacts when he cannot figure out how to read a map or forgets where the secret base is, and his version of repaying the favour is allowing them to wear one of his suits or take a sip of a martini identical to his. It is difficult to convince him that the friendship is not mutual because he considers every positive reaction to his behaviour and appearance to be an admission of his perfection.

Romantic:

For all his outer style, Philip is still the same guy who believes that saying the word "warning" is enough before he challenges someone to a round of fisticuffs and takes a swing without remorse. He is confident that any actions taken by himself in the name of defending his partner are the gentlemanly thing to do and therefore deserve no apology or restraint. It is incidents such as these that become a constant subject of bragging for Philip, and he spares no opportunity to boast about his supposed heroics to an uninterested Blouse.

Philip misuses the resources provided to him by his spy life by way of inviting his partner to his safe house for dinner parties, giving them free rides in his jet aeroplane and speedboat, and handing them drinks with price tags that are half the GDP of Zookia. He views these luxuries as necessary expenses because the bills get sent to his employer and not himself. Blouse tells him to stop milking their budget for expensive gifts which Philip mails to his partner's doorstep from an undisclosed location, and when she argues that his partner is not asking for this, Philip claims that they need not ask because he knows what they want before even they do.

At social events and debriefings alike, he talks to them too much for anyone to believe that they do not have some connection with him. Philip has a bothersome tendency to throw away his cover once he sees his partner and engage them in a one-sided conversation about his newest hairstyle and skincare routine. He forgets the fact that he is on a top-secret mission and assumes that any responsibilities will wait for him to finish discussing how he self-tailored his suit, and it falls to Blouse to drag him away from his partner lest he sidelines the whole operation by asking them to join him for a big band performance later that day.

If anyone asks, Philip has been with his partner for longer than his memory serves him and has never had the slightest bit of conflict. He believes that the power to end the relationship rests solely with him because he sees himself as perfect and therefore cannot understand why his partner would wish to cut ties. Philip is acting out of his colossal ego when he is snide towards both the people who receive favourable attention from his partner and those who give such attention to them, but his condescending remarks are less about fearful insecurity and more about the other person daring to think that they could rival him.