𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 [ Adopted by Elizabeth Olsen ]

Chapter 46: "Can I?"

⚠️TW:⚠️ mention of self-harm

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I put my sweats on as quickly as I could, or as  quickly as I could muster, giving the pain lifting my legs left me in. Trying not to mess up the bandages, I eventually  got them on, right before Lizzie knocked on my door.

"Come in!"

Lizzie peaked her head through the door. "Can I come in?" I nodded my head. She came over and put her phone on my nightstand. "All right, scooch over", she shooed me jokingly over to the other side of the bed, trying to make me feel more at ease.

I smiled at her antics and gave her some space, lifting the duvet so that she could get in. Lizzie laid down beside me, leaving a little bit of space in between us. "Do you want me to keep the light on?" I shook my head.

"It's fine, you can turn it off." She did just that  before making herself comfortable beside me. We laid there, engulfed in darkness, not saying anything. I felt the uneasiness come creeping back, and my breath slowly became irregular again.

Sensing something was wrong, Lizzie opened her arms for me to crawl into. "A-Are you sure?" I asked with hesitation. "Completely, now come." I obliged  and accepted her embrace. Unable to relax in this unfamiliar position, I laid there, stiff as a twig.

"Nova baby, relax, 𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊", Lizzie whispered gently as she entwined our hands, gently rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. With her words, I slowly melted into her embrace. "Sleep darling, you're safe, I'm not leaving."

With those words and Lizzie's hand drawing patterns across my knuckles, I found myself drifting into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

-

I  shot awake, slightly panicking at the feeling of being trapped. I  scrambled away from what was holding me back, and somehow ended up on  the floor.

What. The. Fuck. Was. That.

Feeling slightly disoriented, I tried to figure the situation out. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and groaned at my back which now hurt. "Nova,  breathe, it's just me", I heard someone whisper. Lizzie.

And just like that, everything came back to me. The nightmare, Lizzie coming, me showing her the picture, we ended up cuddling- Crap. I showed her the picture! Fixing my gaze at the nightstand, I was relieved to see the picture was still where I had left it last night.

"You okay?" I heard Lizzie ask. "Y-Yeah sorry, I guess I'm just not used to sleeping in the same bed as someone. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" I asked, suddenly worried. What if I had hit her or something in my panic?

"I'm all good, just a bit of a brutal way of waking up", Lizzie groaned, clearly still tired. "Yeah sorry about that", I mumbled. "Nothing to worry about", Lizzie smiled. "Now, get your ass back in bed, I'm not  ready to get up yet", Lizzie instructed me.

She opened her arms, inviting me in and I obliged, a bit hesitantly. As I laid down, I accidentally flexed my thigh, and I gasped. "What's wrong?" Lizzie asked worriedly. "Nothing, I'm ok", I dismissed her.

"Are you sure?" I nodded my head, straining not to let out any noise as my thigh now burned. I buried my head in Lizzie's chest as she pulled me close.  Tears prickled my eyes which Lizzie somehow noticed.

"Nova hun, what's up?" Lizzie asked softly. "-And don't say nothing, something is up", she added sternly. She gently cupped my face, guiding my head  out of her chest. I whined softly, not wanting to leave my cave.

She put her hands on my thighs to pull me closer to her. I flinched away from her touch as my face scrunched up in pain. Lizzie immediately retracted her hands, but the furrow in her brows never faded.

"Talk to me baby", she spoke softly.

"I-I can't", I whispered, my voice cracking.

Don't tell her.

Maybe she'll help me.

She won't.

Why not? She's been nothing but kind.

A kindness you don't deserve. She'll yell at you like everyone else.

"Do your thighs hurt?" Lizzie asked me softly.

Don't....

Going against every instinct, I nodded.

"And why do they hurt?" She continued.

Don't you dare. She'll punish you.

I couldn't tell her. The shame was too much.

My head hung low. Soft fingers lifted my jaw and I was met with two worried green eyes. The worry in them was too much for me to handle, and I avoided   her gaze. I couldn't look at her. She was hurting because of me.

This is why I never let anyone in. They find something  out, and I hurt them. Either they don't care, and in the rare scenario  that they do, they get worried and I start hurting them.

"Did  you hurt them while riding?" Lizzie asked, breaking my train of thought. I think she had already figured it out. The look in her eyes told me enough.   The pity, the hurt, the disbelief. She didn't want to  believe it, how I could do something like that to myself.

I shook my head.

"Did you hurt them doing another sport? I know you like to box."

I shook my head once again.

"Does this have something to do with the bathroom situation yesterday?" She finally dropped the bomb. After a moment's hesitation, I gave one weak nod.

She pulled me against her gently, and I wasted no  time burying my head in her chest once again. One moment of weakness wouldn't  hurt, right? I mean, she hadn't shouted yet. Although, that could still  come.

"I'm so sorry baby, so sorry", Lizzie whispered gently  as I let the tears soak her shirt. She kept whispering   sweet reassurances as I cried. She would kiss my head repeatedly as I calmed  down.

My sobs died down to sniffles and shaky breaths to try and calm down. "There you go, you're okay, 𝐼'𝓋𝑒  𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊",  Lizzie smiled as I finally looked up at her. "Is it okay if I take a look?" Lizzie asked, almost hesitantly.

I froze. What was I supposed to answer?

"I just want to look okay? I want to make sure you're okay and as comfortable as possible." I gave up. "Sure", I mumbled. "Thank you baby. How about you go to the bathroom. Do you need a pair of shorts?" She asked me sweetly.

"It's okay." She kissed my forehead before shooting me an assuring smile. I retreated to the bathroom,  leaning against the door as soon as it clicked shut.

I can't do this. I-I just can't.

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Aaaaaand I'll just end that right there....

Don't worry, fluff is coming in the next chapters, it'll all be worth it in the end :)

You are awesome, make you take care of yourself okay? As Brie Larson says, I hope you feel safe and happy in your body <3

Love, Frida xx