𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 [ Adopted by Elizabeth Olsen ]

Chapter 76: "I'm sorry"

⚠️TW:⚠️ blades, panic attack

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"Nova?" I knocked on the door. No answer. "Nova hunny, are you in there?"

Once again, I was met by total silence. "I'm coming in", I warned before pushing the door open. And there she was. On the bed, curled up in a ball and her hands firmly planted in her hair. She hadn't pulled at her hair in a while, at least not to my knowledge.

Maybe the two panic attacks in a row were what did it, on top of her being revealed to the world. "Nova baby?" I approached calmly. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry", she muttered under her breath as I got closer.

"Nova, my pretty girl, can you hear me?" I asked. "I- yeah, I'm sorry", she sobbed. "Why are you sorry pretty girl?" I sat down beside her on the bed. I saw something silver on the bed next to her. A blade. Fuck. I quickly took it and put it on her nightstand to hide later. Now, my focus was solely on her.

She disappeared back into the black hole, as she didn't answer and instead continued muttering soft pleas and apologies.

"You need to breathe my love", I told her, moving my hands slowly to hers, wanting to get her hands out of her hair before she did any damage. I also checked for any blood, but I couldn't find any. I'd have to do that properly later. God knows what could have happened had I been just a bit slower. "I- I can't, no, I'm sorry, please, no!" Her breathing increased as soon as I put any pressure on her hands.

I felt my heart clench at her reaction. This was really taking a toll on her, but I was determined to calm her down. I started rubbing her hands gently with my thumbs as I kept trying to pull them down, while simultaneously telling her soft reassurances.

She eventually let me pull her hands down, but they instead formed fists, and her nails dug into her palms. All I could do was keep on doing what I was doing with the soft touches and the reassurances.

"Try and breathe for me darling, it's just me and you", I told her softly. I could see her trying, but her pleas were keeping her from being able to calm down. "I'm sorry mum, you're so disappointed, I'm sorry", she kept on muttering.

Disappointed? Why would I be disappointed in her? "Why should I be disappointed my love?" I asked her softly, wanting her to know that there was no way I'd be disappointed in her. "I-I didn't tell you, I'm so sorry, so sorry, you hate me", she kept on sobbing.

"I'm not disappointed in you Novella, I could never. Can you try and take a deep breath and calm down for me so that I can understand what's going on in your head? My beautiful, beautiful girl, I want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's got you so worked up", I told her softly, still keeping up the soft touches to her palms as her fists were slowly unclenching the longer I kept the touches up.

"Deep breaths for me hun", I repeated, pleased to see her chest heaving at slower and steadier intervals. "There we go... you're doing so well for me pretty girl", I coaxed her through it, helping her calm her breathing down. "In through the nose.... out through the mouth..." she started following my guided, exaggerated breaths.

"I-I'm sorry", she muttered as she got her breathing under control. "Why are you apologizing honey?" I asked her, trying to catch her gaze which was all over the place. She avoided my gaze at all costs, almost as if looking at me would make her spill all her deepest secrets.

"Look at me Novella", I told her, a bit sternly this time so that she'd understand I wasn't messing around. Her eyes filled with panic at my authoritative tone, and she immediately looked me straight in the eyes.

"Y-Yes?" Her voice wavered, almost as if she was scared to talk to me. My heart clenched at the sight. "Nova baby, why are you apologizing?" I asked her, my voice soft again. "I-I don't know?" She mumbled, almost like a question.

"I think you do. You mentioned me being disappointed. Why would I ever be disappointed in you hun?" She looked back down into her lap, but I felt that this was a time I had to push her a bit so I let go of one of her hands to push her chin back up, causing a whine to erupt for her at the lack of the feeling of my hands on hers.

"Why would I be disappointed in you Nova?" I repeated. "Because I didn't tell you", she mumbled, barely audibly. I almost didn't hear her. "Tell me what hun?" Her eyes glossed over again, and I gave her hands a squeeze of reassurance.

"T-That I had a panic attack while watching the interview." There it was. "Nova baby, you don't have to tell me every time you have a panic attack. Yes, I would like for you to be able to come to me, but if you feel like you need time to process it, or you for some reason don't want to tell me, you don't have to." I told her, keeping her hands in mine.

"You don't have to tell me everything, but I would like to be able to be there for you. I just want you to know baby, that you can always come to me. Always. Mark my words. I will never judge you for doing something or reacting in a certain way to something. I promise to always try my hardest to understand, and I promise to always be there for you."

"It doesn't matter what it is. If you're worried or anxious about something, if you're feeling the urge to hurt yourself, if you just need someone to hold you quietly without asking questions, if you need a shoulder to cry on, if you need advice, or if you just want to know that someone is there for you, I'm here Nova. If you feel like I'm doing something wrong, please tell me instead of hiding it away and blaming yourself. I want nothing more than to be someone you can trust and come to if you need it."

I ended my rant a little out of breath due to how fast I said everything, not wanting to forget anything. "I-I don't have to tell you?" Was the first thing she asked. "No honey. As much as I'd love for you to tell me everything that's bothering you, you have to set your own boundaries."

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Hiya!

It's a bit later than usual, sorry about that, I got caught up in some things xD

Take care of yourself and know that you are loved <3

Love, Frida xx