Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 197

**HARRYS POV**
„Y/n? Love?" I called her when I spotted her backstage, drinking water from her bottle.

„Hm?"

„Are you okay? You seem tired." I asked her.

„I'm fine, Haz, just needed some water and some air."

„Promise?"

„Promise." She nodded assuringly. „Uhm, H?"

„Yes, darling?"

„I'm sorry, I didn't wanna make you feel sad with that song." She said.

„Baby, it's okay. It's a beautiful song. The show is as special as you said it was going to be, I'm so proud of you, love. You're doing a beautiful job and the fans love it as well." I told her. „They'll always love you, Y/n. I want you to know that."

„Thank you, that means a lot. I'm trying hard not to cry up there during some songs." She smiled a little.

„Me too." I smiled back. „But are you sure you'll be fine til the end?" I asked her again.

„I am. Just three songs left and then it's over." She assured me.

„Okay then, go back out there." I sent her off after she pressed her soft lips on mine.

After I got back out to my family, Y/n sang another song from her new album before she talked to the crowd again.

„Okay, we have two songs left for tonight. Two very special ones...and after that, it's time to say goodbye..." She said and the crowd screamed „No!" because they didn't want tonight to end. „I don't want this to end either...but as a very important person told me, this isn't goodbye...it's simply see you later."

I smiled when she said that and looked at me.

„Before I tell you about the songs, I just wanna say thank you. I think I'll never be able to express how important you are to me and how much I love you all, because you are the ones who made it possible for me to become who I am. I simply wouldn't be here without you, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for supporting me all those years throughout my career. I'll never be able to give back to you what you have given me. I love you so, so much!"

The crowd cheered at that and almost wouldn't stop if Y/n hadn't interrupted them again.

„Alright, now the two songs...I'll explain why I chose the songs I'll tell you about in a second." She said before she started to explain. „Usually artists tend to end their shows with a bang and I usually did too...but tonight I won't. Instead, I'll end it with realness...and also hope." She told the crowd.

„So this next song is very vulnerable to me. I never really showed that side of me in public or shared something so personal and intimate like this song is to me. It's a new song that I only wrote just recently. I haven't even properly recorded it yet and for now, I'm not sure what to do with it, but I do know, that I want you guys to hear it." She explained and I frowned, because I had no idea what song she was talking about.

„Not even my husband knows this one..." The fans cheered when she said husband, because no one knew about it still, but I was still just confused at what she meant and what she was talking about. „He doesn't know I even wrote it and knowing him, he is gonna love it, but also absolutely hate it, because it's my reality. It's raw, it's what's happening and it's my life right now..." She looked at me now. „But I still hope you'll like it, Harry."

My eyes already watered just because of what she said.

„The song is called ‚I'm Going Through Hell' and it's dedicated to my family who is here tonight, but mostly to the person I love so unconditionally, my partner in crime, my best friend, my soulmate...my loving and prescious husband Harry. This is for him...not to hurt him even though I know it will, but to give him reassurance, to give him faith and to make him find peace and accept all of this...regardless of how it will turn out and what our fate is."

She quickly looked at me again and fuck me, that really hurt. I knew I soon wouldn't be able to keep holding in those tears.

„I hope you guys like it too...and if you don't, that's okay." Y/n said before most of the lights turned off and she started singing while the fans turned their flashlights on and held them up in the air.

„Don't cry, I'm alright. Trust me I swear, we'll get there. I gotta fight this, because I'm not well. Please hold my hand, I'm going through hell. I'm going through hell, gonna ring that bell. Gonna ring that bell.

I'm tired, I'm so weak. My body is aching, I just need sleep. It's so blurry, but I can see your face. You hold my hand, you make me feel safe. I'm going through hell, gonna ring that bell. Gonna ring that bell."

She sang so beautifully, but her words were slowly killing me. As if someone was slowly ripping my heart out of my chest. I couldn't help, but let the tears run down my cheeks as I kept listening and watching her up there.

„Did I deserve this? Do you care? I'm slowly dying, I'm losing my hair. My body is frail, my body is ugly. Doesn't look like me, it's not me I see. I'm going through hell, gonna ring that bell. Gonna ring that bell.

At some point I felt my mum rubbing my back as more and more tears ran down my cheeks and my vision started to get blurry from all the tears forming in my eyes. I haven't cried like that in a while. I haven't for Y/n, to be strong for her, but the reality was, that I had no idea of what was gonna happen and just hoped and prayed for Y/n to be okay...telling myself she'd be fine and she'd make it through this again.

I've got chemo, it makes me sick. I cry a lot, I'm sick of it. Machines are beeping, they pound in my brain. Drugged up with morphine to numb the pain. I'm going through hell, gonna ring that bell. Gonna ring that bell."

She finished the song and as I looked around, the crowd was crying too. I've never heard a song like this. So emotional, real, but beautiful at the same time. That was what Y/n really felt, what she was going through and knowing how much she was hurting, made me feel so guilty and helpless, because I couldn't do anything to change that.
The crowd erupted in a big applause and they wouldn't stop. Y/n just stood up there, looking at the crowd, tears running down her cheeks as she got a standing ovation that lasted for several minutes.

My mum pulled me into a tight hug and I only now realized that she and Gemma were crying as well. I was tense as they both hugged me, panic running through me, because I just didn't know what to do if something would happen to Y/n and gripped hard onto my mum and sister, hoping everything would be alright, but the truth was I was so scared, so scared to lose her to this fucking illness.

„Thank you very much. I'll miss you everyday. Goodbye for now. I hope this won't be the end. I love you all so much, take care and tell each other how much you love them." Y/n then said, blowing some kisses out into the crowd. „This is our last one...Fight Song."