Steal A Heart ~ A Mithzan Fan Ficton

Chapter 61

It is exactly midnight and I did so many videos. But I forgot the most important one. The video that explained everything. I really do not want to do it. Like I don't feel like crying today so I don't want to do it. Max stayed behind so we could do some videos together. Everyone else is at Adam's house. It's scary movie night. I said oh hell no. I'm not going to pee my pants at Adam's. I'm surprised that Ross is going.

I rubbed my shoulder, it still hurts. I took the ice off because it was already numb. I went to the bathroom to look at it and it was swollen and purple. So it's just bruised, I guess that's good.

"Are we done here?" Max asked, getting his stuff together. I looked at the comments that Adam's mail video has. Comments are saying stuff like where is Stella's video that explains everything?

"I wish." I mumbled.

"Huh?" Max asked.

"I gotta make the video that explains why I was gone." I said.

"You don't have to." He said.

"Yes. I do have to." I countered. He groaned and sat back down in his chair. "Look. If you don't want to be here then leave. I'll get a taxi." I spit out.

"No it's okay. I'm just tired." He said. I rolled my eyes and walked away. Gosh he's annoying. I hate him.

I slammed my door shut and locked it. Fuck him. I set up the camera and started recording.

"Hey guys! Stella here and this is the video that you all have been waiting for. But before this continues I'm warning y'all that I would say something stuff that might trigger you. If you are triggered by suicide, selfharm, blood, depression or anything close to that turn back now. Run as far as you can from this video. You too readers! Ok. So first I'm sorry if I seem tired, it is midnight right now and everybody went home. Well except my ride. Let's begin." I took a deep breath and continued.

"For the past couple of months I've been really depressed. Like I didn't want to do anything anymore, I didn't want to get out of bed. I just wanted to lay there and die. I didn't tell anyone at the offices burning knew they knew about it. Everyone tried helping me. Everyone tried talking to me but I didn't feel like getting better. I've given up on myself. Then these voices came into my head. Like go kill yourself. No one will care if you died. You are worthless. Dont get me wrong, I'm not crazy or anything but I believed it. I did think that I was worthless. I thought that no one cared. So I thought if no one cared then why am I still living? I can't say this enough. If your depression is getting this bad or if you think this then please get help. I know it could be embarrassing, scary and just that you don't want anybody to know but it will pay off in the future."

"Now you may or may not know this. I don't know if I told you this in another video but I didn't grow up like most people did. I grew up in what you guys would call it the streets. The ghetto or something. But I got introduced to drugs, guns, violence, gangs. All of that. That's probably why I love hip hop music. Anyway I had someone that I loved deeply. He's a little boy named Kian. He was like a son to me. Now Kian was about 10 or something and he watched me do one of my freestyle battles. I was 16 or so. I beat this guy and he ran off. I was walking back home and gunshots ran out. Next thing I knew, Kian was on the ground bullet in his head, dead. I was also shot to but it wasn't fatal as you can tell. Actually soon his anniversary of the day he died is soon but don't worry I'll still upload."

"Now to get to the gory details. The day that I, you know, tried to kill myself. I couldn't take it anymore, I felt so empty, so lost. I decided to leave a small note for Max and the rest of the guys. I went to the house where I grew up in and went to my old room. I hid a butcher knife under my belt and shirt so no one will know what's going on. Keep in mind there are so many people in that house during the day. I locked myself in there and after that it was a blur. I apparently cut a huge gash in my stomach, I also cut my arm up and I hung myself. Yes I used a rope. I think Max got there right in time before I probably died. But thank goodness he did, I realized what I just did and instantly regretted it. I tried to get out of it but I already kicked the chair. When I woke up in the hospital Max was there. Actually he didn't know I woke up because I kept my eyes closed. But he said some things that I would never forget. To put my injuries in layman terms, I had many fractures in my neck and spine. I lost air to my brain which caused amnesia. But it was only like a week back or something. And yeah, like I'm actually not supposed to be alive so I guess there is a God out there."

"Now Max told me something that I would truly appreciate. And readers I never put this in here. This will be the first time you heard this. He said these exact words. 'I get why you hate yourself. I get why you want everything to end. But only the strong willed can fight back. You, my friend, are one of those people. Actually everyone is strong willed. You just have to get up from where you fell. Become stronger, and learn from your mistakes. Yes it's okay to cry, it's okay to get angry. But you are the only one who can make this right. No one can change your mind about your future. This is yours and don't let anybody else change that. To everyone that hurt you, that would include me, fuck them. You don't need them. They are just jealous of your ability to bounce right back up. If you ever feel down again just remember that I love you and there are people around the whole world that loves you. They would do anything for you. So I'm only going to say this once, lift your head high, smile and tell everyone that ever doubted you to go fuck themselves. Because you are the most beautiful, smart, caring woman I ever met. God has a thing for you to do and that thing is to change the world. Small voices can make big changes, and you are that small voice. Just believe in yourself and I'll always be there to lift you back up.' I still remember those words to this day."

"Anyway what he said is true and for all you viewers out there this implies to you also. You could be that small voice. You could be that will never be stomped on again. Actually you all will never be stomped on again, if you just believe in yourselves and never forget that a lot of people is on your side. That's it for today. I'm StellarPlaysMC, signing off saying that I love you and stay beautiful." I ended the video and sat back in my chair. Gosh. I don't think any other video can top that. I'll edit it tonight when I get home. Right now I need to go find Max.

I got out of my chair and flew open the door. I looked in his office first but he wasn't there. I ran to every other office trying to find him but he wasn't anywhere.

"Max!" I yelled. Nothing. "Max! Where are you!" Still nothing. Did he leave? Did he leave without me? Just as I was about to go outside to see if his car was still here, the door opened reveling a yawning Max. I ran up to him and hugged him tightly. He was taken back from my sudden action but then he hugged me back.

"What did I do to deserve this hug?" He asked.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Your welcome? But what are you thanking me for?" He asked confused.

"Thank you for sticking by me when I was in my darkest times. Thank you for saying those words when I was in the hospital. Thank you for loving me." I stated.

"What has gotten into you?" He asked. "Did you eat the broccoli?" He asked and laughed. Can he not ruin one moment for us? Gosh. I smacked his chest and walked away.

"Thanks for ruining it!" I yelled from my office. I grabbed my stuff together, turned off my computer and shut the door.

"I try." He said and smirked. Ugh, he's impossible. I rolled my eyes and walked towards him.

"Are we ready? I'm pooped." I said and yawned.

"I've been ready for the past hour." He countered. I flipped him off and walked out the front door.

I miss this little goof. But I thought that I hated him? Oh no here goes these feelings again.

A/N
Gosh that was hard to write. To be honest I was going to look up a speech for Mac to say but I said nah I'll right it. I truly meant all of it and that was for all my readers. I'm here for y'all. Anyway that is all for Stella talking about here depression and now more romance.

Peace
AT