Running Scared

51. Good and bad.

Elisa's P.O.V

What do you do when you feel yourself breaking apart? It's the feeling when you feel like you're slammed aganist a wall until it crushes you over and over again. Until there is nothing left but shattered glass pieces of your heart . Those pieces, scattered like puzzels, no one would ever be able to put them together or make your heart whole again.

That's what I was feeling even after 3 days since that incident.

But today I have realised something.

Today I have realised that I have stopped living life. I'm just literally trying to get to next day, just grazing in the thought of tomorrow. I'm not living, I'm waiting. And the trouble is, I don't know what exactly I'm waiting for and that scares the hell outta me.

I also realised that my mother's fairy tales were a lie.

They were a lie conjured up to create a soothing effect on your heart but in reality when you grow up and realise that they were just a figment of imagination, and if you suffer, those tales become like a poison in your mind. Slowly killing you with the thoughts of those 'what would have been' or the 'Princesses' and 'Knights in shinning armours'.

I laughed humorlessly, My villan was able to destroy me by pretending to be my knight in shinning armour.

Life is not a fairy tale, Everyone lies, there is no such thing like hearts and happily forever's, and love?...... love does not conquer all. In life, love bows down in front of hatred.

"Ella?" A sweet little voice resonated from the door but I did not look at it.

For 3 days I have not eaten anything or much less, not even taken a drop of water.

Every night I would go to sleep exhausted, barely breathing but in the morning, strangely, all my energy would be back to normal as if I have had meal 3 times a day.

But I did not. Because no one dared to enter my room at night while I was sleeping because I clearly stated Adam to do that.

And I knew he would do anything that would give me some sort of relief.

He did bandage my wounds that day but when he went out to bring Ice,  Alec confronted him in the way.

He apologised over and over again for not being able to stop him but I just stayed silent and nodded my head in acceptance of his apology.

But still he apologised every day and begged me to eat or drink something but I did not listen.

I was contented on my window sill and enjoy the rain which was showering for 3 day and taking breaks in between.

"Ella why do you not talk to me anymore?" Olivia's voice rang out near me yet I refused to look at her.

I liked this new cold side of me.

It helped me from keeping the emotions like love and happiness away, I would feel if I answered to Olivia.

Because however much I may tell myself that there is no love left in me, it was a lie.

I would never be a loveless cold-hearted b*tch like Alec.

I am just keeping my broken heart from feeling the love again.

Because now I can never trust a single person completely in this world.

Everyone except him.

He is the only one whom I still trust with blind eyes but sadly he was not present in the castle right now.

I wonder where he is.