LITTLE MIX~ one shots!!!

Suicide Diary-AU

*Trigger warning*

23rd January 2018

Dear diary,

Today has been horrible, all I want to do is cry and scream, punch something and repeat. I can't though, my parents will get suspicious. After the rape incident, I have felt constantly dirty, scared and just depressed. I don't understand why Zayn would want to do that to me though, I'm ugly. and stupid and ugly and dumb and ugly and hideous. I'm just gross! Jade has been suspicious about my actions lately, it's kind of annoying. I understand she is my girlfriend and everything, but seriously. She is constantly at my side, hugging me, kissing me. I want to tell her to leave me alone because if how uncomfortable it makes me feel, but I don't want her to feel bad. Ugh why are relationships so confusing. But don't take that in the wrong way, I love My Jadey to pieces! she makes me feel something, whenever she is around, I feel at peace, I feel safe and like nothing will never hurt me. I feel warm and get tingly feeling through my body when she touches me, things like that don't happen with all my old relationships, like the one with Jesy or Teal or even Zayn, (if you call that a relationship). Jade's coming over with some food for us later, she noticed I was skinny and said we need to talk. I have to admit, I'm terrified. I'm also scared in case she sees my cuts, I know it will break her, she will be so upset. And I know it will be my fault.

Perrie
I heard a knock at the door, so I put my diary back in the pocket of one of my hoodies, in my wardrobe and went downstairs, there she was, my beautiful girlfriend holding pizza. "Hey baby," she said, putting the pizza down and coming to hug me, I hugged back, but I could feel my ribs touching her stomach. I'm not that skinny am I? "You okay babe?" She asked me concerned, caressing the top of my lip gently, I nodded and kissed her. "Ugh, take it upstairs," My sister faked gagged as she came into the hallway. "Leave them alone Caits, just because you're single!" I heard my dad shout from the living room, which was right next to the hallway. "Whatever dad!" Caitlin replied sticking her tongue out behind the wall so he couldn't see. "Come on babe, let's go. We need to talk." Jade kissed my cheek, grabbed the pizza box and walked us upstairs, she is here so much, we all treat her like part of the family. We walked into my bedroom, she put the box on my desk and turned to me, I was already close to tears and she could see that. She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the bed, she sat up against my head rest and I rested my head on her thighs. "What's going on petal?" She asked running her hands through my hair. "Nothing, I'm fine." I said, going to sit up again. but she pushed me back down. "Baby, you can tell me anything." I just shook my head and closed my eyes tight, no way was I going to cry now. "Pezza, babe. What's wrong?" Jade asked me, rubbing the area between my eye socket and eye brow. "I-I I just... I don't even know!" I sighed out, finally letting the river of tears come. "Awww babe," she pulled me onto her knee and let me cry into her shoulder. "Is it him?" she asked me after a minute of trying to think of the problem, I shook my head. "I can't help, if you don't tell me." She whispered in my ear as I started settling again, I had the scent of Jade's hair drifting up through my nostrils,(I KNOW SHE HAS NO SENSE OF SMELL, USE YOUR IMAGINATION) that gave me comfort, her arms wrapped around my skinny waist gave me comfort, her voice in my ear gave me comfort. "I know, I'm sorry." I said sitting up. "Don't be sorry love, I just don't like it when you cry, it ruins your beautiful face," she giggled wiping away my tears. "I'm not beautiful anyway." I whispered looking at my hands, I didn't want her to hear, but she did. "Babe?" She put two fingers under my chin and lifted it slowly, I looked into her beautiful eyes. I could see the sadness from what I just said, "Do you mean that?" she asked me sadly, I nodded and a frown came on her face. "You are the most beautiful girl in the world." She said to me, but I shook my head and hung it low. "Baby. Who told you are not beautiful?" She asked rubbing her hands up and down my spine. Do I tell her it's the voices... I don't know! "Pez? Who was it? You can tell me." She asked again and put some hair behind my ear. "My voices." I whispered very quietly. "Inner demons?" She asked hugging me. I nodded. "What else do they say to you?" Jade hugged me and I hugged back, trying not to cry again. "Just stuff." I replied. I really didn't want to go into this now. "Pezza, I hate to say this, but it's obvious what's going on with you. You are way too skinny, way to sad all the time and you have no confidence any more. What he did to you is the worst thing possible, but you need to pick yourself up and listen to me. Do you trust me?" She said sitting me up so I was looking into her beautiful hazel eyes. "Of course I trust you." I said nodding. "Then I need you to believe me when I say you are beautiful, so so kind, amazing, and just all around amazing. I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend. I have dreamed to have someone like you ever since I was 12, now I have you, I want you to be happy, I want you to smile. And make stupid jokes like you used to do. I hate seeing you sad and like this. It breaks my heart." She started welling up, I did to. "I'm so sorry," it was all I could say, all that came out of my mouth. "I love you infinite amounts! Never ever forget that." She gushed and pulled me into a bone crushing hug, we sobbed into each other's shoulders until we heard a knock at my door. "Perrie, Jade?" I heard Johnny say, "Yeah?" Jade replied she was better at hiding the tears. "Tea is ready." He replied opening it slightly, but I was still crying. "Okay thanks, but we don't need it, I brought pizza." Jade said standing up to close the door.