Mystic Messenger Headcanons, OneShots and FanFics Part 1

Calmness - Yoosung x Mc

Warning alert!

This OneShot has mentions of death, suicide and self harm.

If you read until the ,,_________________________________________________'' you will stay at the good ending part. Afterward the bad ending will begin (sorry, on Tumblr I did it with the ,,Keep reading function'' 

 I looked out of the window. Gray. I looked through my bed room. Here was the place I slept with my husband. I loved him.  My heart,

it was beating....strong and fast. It was a sign that I was alive. But it was also a sign that I was afraid.
But why? I knew....A panic attack was about to come.
Hiccups left my mouth. I tried to breath out but all I could do was breath in.
The tears began to leave my eyes. I hated this feeling. I felt vulnerable.
My hands were trembling and I felt as if I had to throw up.
I wanted to die. Yes, it was this feeling again. I became hastily. I could do nothing without break anything.
The vase on my closet, my mobile phone on the floor..... everything.
I searched the knife. I needed to feel the pain in my pale skin.

Yes, I needed this. I wanted to show myself that pain was something else.
Not this feeling...other people were unhappy. I had everything. I had a pet, a husband and friends. And still I felt miserable. Unhappy and scared. I had to feel pain in another way.
I wanted to punish myself.
I needed this...!
,,HAA!'' I screamed. I sat on the floor.
I don't know why but a pillow laid on the floor and my room seemed as if a bomb was here....

Yoosung,....yes he would be disapointed. I knew.
I was nothing. I was a bad wife,
I was ugly, fat, weak........ I had npothing.
Rika...yes, Rika was a nice woman. She was beatiful. She was kind...she was the one who put all her erfort into the RFA, and I?

I just replaced her. She was there before me. I could still feel her. Everyone was happy when they talked about her. I was just a plain replacement. I hated Rika.

Rika, Rika, Rika, Rika, Rika always the same. Every time.
I tried to breath.
My gasps got worse.
,,Ahhh!!! Ahhh!!'' I forgot how to screm for help. I forgot what to do in a panic attack. I forgot how to breath...I forgot how to be happy, how to love...what it meant to be loved.
I wasn't human anymore.

I'm a wreck. I'm nothing. I don't deserve anything.
Even death is luxury for me. I tried to stand up but I was somehow dizzy.
Dizzy....dizzy.
,,HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA'' I was afraid of my self. Why am I lauging? It wasn't that funny.
No, it wasn't funny at all.
,,KYAAA!'' the only thing I could do was screaming. I'm a slut.
I wanted to scratch my skin. I wanted to feel pain.
What's wrong with me?

,,MC!'' someone screamed my name. I looked up.
It was all blurry. But I saw blond hair.
Purple eyes looked at me.
Yes, what a pitty....he deserved so much better.
Better....better....bettter....better.
,,You're fine...your're alive....you're here with me....we can do it, I know it.... Please don't leave me. I love you so much...you're my world...I love you...''
he whispered.

Yes he was trying to make me feel better but it was.....nothing could help me.
No wait. I lied.
It helped! I was breathing normal. His scent....I sniffed at his scent and my trembilng hands were now grabbing his white shirt. His chest was soaked with my ters.
My wet tears....
I don't know how much time passed. I don't know how much time passed or how much I cried. How much I slept...I just knew that he was here beside me the whole time, stroking my back and kissing my cheek....he loved me.

,,You have an appointment with Dr. Haller. Please go and visit him. I will come with you.''
,,Are you angry at me?''
I asked afraid. I was afraid. He would surely say yes.
,,No. I'm not. I'm not. How could I? I love you so much...you're so improtand to me...my love.
I love you Mc. You're so special to me. I want you to be save and happy. I want to help you. Together we will win this painful fight- trust me, Mc.I will save you. For sure!''
Yes, he was so sure. I thought, if he had so much hope....yes! Let's have hope. Let's have hope in Yoosung. My husband got hurt for me, his eyes were damaged. He saved me. It wasn't that wrong to trust him, after all.....
Together we could do everything!

________________________________________________________________________________

But why did he had to die? Why?

The only one who could save me from this hell, this living hell..... 

 ,,Ahhhhhh!'' I cried histerical at his grave. I took five pills ,,You're so dumb. Just tell me that you want to go to Rika. Just say so. I will go and pay you a visit, I need to see it myself. I could live as long as you were here with me, helping me throught this shit but now you're gone, Yoosung and I'm afraid...I'm afraid....Wait for me.....you're so dumb...I told you I didn't need the pills...there was no need to drive with this storm and your bad eyes....''

You mumbled after falling in an enternal sleep beside his grave.