Broken Hearts, Severed Limbs (Levi x OC x Erwin)

|14| The 57th Expedition Beyond the Walls I

The next day dawned, but Nathalie had woken up before the sun had the chance to reveal itself from behind the tallest mountains of the horizon. She woke up with a gasp and sweat drenching her clothes and pillow. She instantly pushed the bedsheets away, allowing the night breeze that entered through the window to caress her sweaty skin. Her fingers clenched as she urged herself to sit on the edge of her bed. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve only to realise her hand was shaking.

She groaned and buried her face in her hands. She had no time for mental breakdowns. She'd get them every morning before the start of every Expedition. But this time, this Expedition was different. The 57th Expedition had finally arrived, and even though it was still a few hours away, her hands still shook and her sleep was unceremoniously interrupted once more.

The worst-case scenarios started playing in her head, and she instantly knew she was going to fail today. Those kids were going to die because of her. Their families were not going to see them again and she'd have to face each and every one of their relatives to explain why she had failed to bring them back.

That was it. She wondered whether Levi was feeling the same. She wondered whether Levi would wake up in the nights and think of failing to bring Eld back to his wife. Gunther, back to his parents. Petra, back to her beloved, and Oluo, back to his little siblings. They had done nothing to live in terror like this. She should have never accepted the Commander's suggestion. Sometimes she even wondered how Erwin felt leading an entire Regiment.

She sighed heavily and she stood up. She had no idea what she was doing, but she grabbed her robe around her, and she walked out of her room. She stood outside of Levi's and she tried knocking but realised the door wasn't closed. She wasn't afraid to face him. It wasn't the first time she'd check up on him while he slept.

She was still hesitant about walking in, though. He wasn't going to shout at her for being there, but she still didn't want to interrupt his sleep, even though, she had a feeling he wasn't sleeping either. She pushed the door open slowly, only to see him sitting at the edge of his own bed. His face, buried in his hands and his fingers tangled into his sweaty hair. The early morning light barely entered through the window. She knew he too wasn't sleeping and he too was having that same mental breakdown that she'd woken up with.

How can anybody sleep the night before an Expedition?

Maybe she was right. Maybe he did suffer like this before every single Expedition. Nathalie approached him. She knew he wouldn't scream at her or push her away. She was probably the only person he'd never push away, for the simple reason that he had tried and failed.

But he knew it was her. He had recognised the gentle patting of her footsteps on the wooden floor. No one else would be awake at this hour. But he could still tell she was hesitant to reach him. He didn't want her to be. She was the only person he could trust to watch him while he doubted himself and collapsed with the impending guilt that such an Expedition would bring on his shoulders. It wasn't like all the other Expeditions. The Commander expected things that they hadn't faced before. No matter how much of a good training he'd given his comrades and Nathalie, he knew everything could go wrong, and if it did, it would be his fault.

Nathalie stepped in front of him. Her hand hesitantly reached for his hair. They were a tangled, sweaty mess, and his breathing, uneasy, just like how her own was before, when she woke up. She didn't care. Both her hands reached for his hair. He urged her to take another step closer when his arms slipped around her waist tightly, and he buried his face in her belly.

Levi closed his eyes. His breathing slowly matched her own, and he relaxed by the soft stroke of her fingers in his hair. He had jumped off the bed. Another sleep interrupted by nightmares. He could only assume she had done the same, but he was nothing but relieved to have her there. He buried his face in her belly and he sighed in her warmth. Her hands wrapped tightly around his shoulders, his hair, his shirt.