Loving the Fighter

73

Liam's POV

My heart raced as I watched Jax run to the bathroom. I could tell he wasn't feeling great but I still thought he would be fine until I heard him heave for the first time.

I rushed in behind Callum with Ryder not far behind me. Part of my heart breaks when I have to watch Jax and Callum weakly fight over the fingers being shoved down Jax's throat.

I forced myself to look away when I heard his lunch drop into the toilet. Ryder turns his head into my chest as he clamps his hands over his ears; he had always been a sympathy vomiter.

As Jax began to dry heave I refused to just let him sit there. I walked in, kneeling beside him as my hand buries in his hair. Callum is already rubbing his back and it doesn't take long for Ryder to join in.

When Jax seemed to be done, Callum's harsh nature came back.

To be honest, deep down, Callum was a naturally angry person. He tries to hide it, especially around us, but times like these it just slipped out. His first reaction to most things was anger and he's actually got a lot better at controlling it even since I first met him but patience and carefree attitudes can only last so long. With that in mind, I wasn't the in the least bit surprised when his first instinct was to seethe the answer out of Jax.

All things considered he was actually pretty calm. Jax on the other hand just seemed to be going numb. His eyes were already dazed when he leaned back against Callum's shoulder.

After a while of silence, Callum realized he wasn't going to get anything out of Jax right now and settled for carrying Jax back to bed and trying to cuddle the truth out of him. Numbly Jax reached out to us, like he did the other night. We ended up in a similar position with Callum holding onto Jax while he clinging onto Ryder and I lay on his chest.

His eyes stared off into space but after a while Callum seemed to be fed up with this. I could already tell where his mind was going when he looked down at me, clearing asking to see if I thought it would work.

At this point it was up in the air. It could either work like it did last night or it could make it worse and he could end up slipping. With that in mind I only shrugged, not knowing if it would actually work or not.

That was about all the convincing Callum needed to try his tactic again.

"Jax," he said harshly. Jax flinched but he didn't really seemed to care. "We need to talk. I need you to focus on me."

He seemed to be listening, just not reacting, so Callum continued.

"Why did you do that?"

"He didn't say I could." Jax said, his voice void of all emotion.

"Who said that? Did Patrick say something to you?" The coldness left Callum's voice, leaving nothing but anger. Jax flinched back but stayed quiet as he strengthened his grip on Ryder. "Who said that?" Callum asked again after he calmed back down, the coldness and demanding nature back in his voice.

Jax still didn't look like he wanted to answer as his words rumbled out of his mouth.

"My dad."

"So you threw up? Why?" Callum asked with a small scowl.

"He told me to."

"What do you mean by he told you to?" Callum seethed.

All I could picture was a younger version of Jax with a broken arm. His dad yelling at him to throw up while Jax shoved his fingers down his throat.

"I ate when he said I couldn't, I wasn't supposed to do that. He found out and said I wasn't allowed to. He said if I didn't do myself he would do it for me." His voice came out barely above a whisper as he stared at the celling. Ryder squirmed from how hard Jax was squeezing him but he did nothing to get away from him.

Callum went quiet, as he held onto Jax tighter.

"He doesn't control you anymore," Callum said, his voice becoming dangerously low as he leaned into Jax's ear. "He doesn't get to have a say in what you do, how you act, or who you like." Jax didn't look convinced as he continued to lie there numbly, making Callum sigh.

"Maybe it's time for a nap," I suggest. Sleeping seemed to help bring our Jax back to us; maybe it would help with this too.

I could tell Callum didn't want this conversation to be done but even he knew there was no point when Jax wasn't really listening to us.

"Do you want to take a nap?" Ryder asked as he turned around to face Jax's chest. "Or do you want to watch a movie or something?"

Jax laid there, still staring at the celling in silence for a while until he spoke in a small voice.

"Read to me," eh said softly as his eyes shifted to me. Tears had begun to balance in his eyes again but he tried to blink them away.

Without a word I lean over the bed to get the book I read to him last time.

His eyes slowly closed as my voice filled the room. His shoulder slacked and his jaw unclenched. His grip on Ryder faltered as he melted into Callum's chest as the tension in the room disappeared.

Soon enough he was asleep.

When Callum noticed, the tension was immediately back as he practically began to seethe all over again.

"What kind of fucking father makes their child throw up," he said in a voice that was almost to calm.

"We're going to have to be gentle. Eating disorders are dangerous. If we go in too hard we could risk making it worse," I say. I couldn't help but feel like shit. Maybe if I had let Andrew help sooner maybe tonight wouldn't have had to happen.

I tried to be rational about it though. If Andrew knew sooner, Jax would know I told him and I would have broken the small bit of trust he had given me.

"We have to tell Andrew," Ryder says, making my eyes go wide.

"Jax won't let us."

"Maybe it's time to put what he needs ahead of what he wants. He needs actual, professional help whether he wants it or not," Callum said with a hard glare.

"If we tell Andrew we will all loose him. He won't trust any of us and he already hates Andrew. You think he's bad now, image how bad it would be if we all tuned on him at once because that's how he's going to see it."

"Yes but he needs more help than we can give him," Callum insists.

My mind went back to the conversation I had with Andrew. He gave me a week to set up everything I needed to save my own ass, which was about 5 days ago. We wouldn't have to wait long for Andrew to step in, but how do I convince them of that?

"We were already noticing he was getting a bit too thin, Andrew shouldn't be too far behind us. He'll figure it out soon and then he can help Jax without him hating us for it." Callum frowned at that while Ryder actually scowled.

"Maybe we should wait until we talk to Jax before we start planning," he suggested, a bit of coldness in his voice. "For all we know he might want us to help him tell Andrew."

"You're right," I say as I put the book down and lay between him and Jax. Jax makes a disapproving sound at the movement as he lets go of Ryder and turned to face Callum instead. His arms wrapped around Callum while his leg hung over his waist.

"I swear I'll kill him," Callum says after a while of silence. His hand had made it's way to Jax's hair, rubbing it from the root to the ends, tugging harder every now and then, making Jax moan in slightly in his sleep.

"If we ever get the chance to meet him I'll help you hide the body," I say as I close my eyes, If Jax was going to be asleep for a while there was no need for us to stay awake.

I began to slip away from the mess that was currently my life and instead drifted off to sleep with good memories.