Loving the Fighter

135

Jax's POV

I'm going to be honest; I hated everything about this.

Liam, Ryder, Callum, and I all sat on Andrew's couch while he opened a new folder with all of our names on it.

When Liam mentioned group therapy I thought he was lying or at he very least I had hoped I wouldn't have to be a part of it but here I was. Callum sat on my left with Ryder in his lap while Liam sat on my right.

"So, who wants to go first," Andrew said with a smile. "Anything you want to get out in a controlled environment, just say it."

At first no one said anything. Andrew's calm eyes scanned all of us as if he were trying to see if anyone was hiding anything.

"I don't like it when Liam gets unreadable," I say after a while just to get the ball rolling. Liam frowned as he took my hand in his.

"I don't even realize that I do it," he said. "Can you give me examples?"

"Mostly when you are scolding me about something. It freaks me out. I don't like when people hide what they feel. It makes it harder to tell what you're going to do next. I know you would never hit me or anything but it makes it hard to tell if you are about to slap me in the face or give me a hug."

"Point it out to me next time I do it and I'll fix it," he says as he leans into my side.

"That was good," Andrew said as he looked to the other three. "Anyone else?" It was quiet again before Ryder sighed.

"Callum's anger is getting worse again," he admitted. "You were getting so good and then these past couple of months it's gotten worse. It's probably all the stress but I can tell it freaks all of us out."

"I know it's hard to believe but Callum and I are still working on yelling and getting angry," Andrew assured as he wrote something down. "I'm sure all of you know by now that Callum has always had problems with anger. Those kind of problems take time."

"It does feel like I hit a wall though," Callum admitted with a glare.

"After three years of constant progress it was bound to happen at some point," Andrew encouraged. "You can all help him get through it though. Any time things get too tense between some of you; the others should try to defuse it. You can also try to bring note of when it starts getting too much. Some times people don't realize when they are going to far."

"But I swear if a single one of you tell me to take a walk I'm going to lose my shit," Callum warned. "I can't stand it when people say that."

I need them to stop asking me so many questions when I'm about to have a panic attack. Carter says as he watches from our couch. It only makes everything so much worse.

"Then how do we help bring you out of it," Callum asked as he almost stared through me to reach Carter.

"One voice at a time," I repeat Carter's words. "Too many voices just make it confusing. Working out can help but you don't always have to do it with me unless you just want to. I just need someone to help me get there without any casualties."

"That could work," Liam says with a nod. "Who's voice do you think help the most?"

"We haven't tried it enough to figure that out yet and I honestly hope we don't have to."

"This is honestly going a lot better than I expected it to go," Andrew said as he looked to Liam. "Liam and Callum need something and then we'll be perfect. Then everyone will have something out in the open."

Liam bit his lip while he though as Callum taps his fingers on Ryder's leg.

"I don't know if it counts," Callum starts, "But I'm overly proud of Ryder. A few weeks ago was his first panic attack in a long time. I think it was actually a new record." Andrew smiled at that as he wrote something down.

"I'm proud of that too but I was hoping for something you want someone to work on in order to make the relationship work better." Callum frowned at that.

"I'm going to need a minute then," he said as he leaned back into the couch.

"I honestly can't think of anything," Liam says with a shrug.

"There has to be one thing that is less than ideal," Andrew said with a small frown.

"Yea, there are a few things but they've already been covered. Carter and Callum are already working on their anger. Jax and Ryder are both doing a lot better. I'm going to work on not masking for Jax. I can't think of anything else."

"Neither than can I," Callum admitted with a sigh.

I expect Andrew to frown and to insist but he only smiles and nods.

"Then I think we have a good start for the next little bit. I want to have another group meeting in a month unless something happens and we need to have one sooner. In the mean time I want you all to try to work through this on your own. I will of course be here to help during your sessions but I would prefer to stay out of relationship problems unless something major happens."

The second he was done talking I stood up.

"So does that mean we get to be done for the day?"

"Yes Jax, you can be done for the day." That was all I needed to grab Liam by the waist and carry him out of the room, followed closely by Callum doing the same thing.

"Do you remember a few weeks ago when Carter had his break down and we went for a run," Ryder asked when we got back to the cabin. I didn't like the smile that was creeping onto his face.

"Vaguely," I honestly didn't remember most of it. I know it happened but I don't have the memory of it.

"Well I did my mile in record time and if I remember correctly, that means I get to paint your nails per our deal." I glare at that.

"No, no. The deal said you had to beat my time and you didn't even beat Carters." Ryder pouted at that as he sulked on his bed while the rest of us dog piled on Liam's. "Oh come on darling, don't be like that. You didn't win the bet so I shouldn't have to do it."

Ryder doesn't answer as he looks away.

"Darling," I groaned out but he still doesn't look at me. Liam and Callum are trying and nearly failing to hold their laughter back at this point.

I wasn't going to break. It wasn't going to happen. I refused to do this just because Ryder wanted me to. It wasn't fair and this wasn't the bet.

"I get to pick the color and I get to take it off after a few hours," I say after an hour. The smile on Ryder's face made my heart soar as he jumped off the bed and ran into my arms.

"I honestly didn't think you would do it," he said after he leaned back. "You still don't have to if you don't want to. I was just kidding."

This was my chance to back out. I just had to tell him that I didn't want to and he would understand.

I was just about to say no.

Then his smile replayed in my mind. I would do almost anything to see that smile again.

"Only if you have black."

Last updated June 16, 2021