Loving the Fighter

109

Jax's POV

"Does the medicine seem to be helping," Andrew asked at my next session.

It had been about a week since my boyfriends started to get to know Carter better. Carter had decided to give them all a chance but he didn't want to just fall into the relationship. I could tell he still didn't trust them fully but their was something about them that made him want to try it.

In that week of Carter deciding things had gotten better, anxiety and nightmare wise. I'm not sure if it's because of the medicine or the fact that nothing had been overly stressful yet.

"It seems pretty good. It's only been a week though. It might be too soon to tell."

"I can't help but notice that you seem a it thin again," Andrew said gently. My eyes widened at his words before I force myself to calm down again. "Patrick said something about it at your physical when you went missing but I thought it could be stress and decided to let it go. But now it seems to be just as bad"

Of course Patrick had to open his big mouth.

He wouldn't have to if you would let me eat for you.

I only scowl at that as I turn back to Andrew.

"I'm fine."

"I'm not entirely sure that you are. You were incredibly thin when you first got here and now nearly 7 months later you've barely gained any weight."

I don't comment.

"We can't just not talk about it Jax."

"Why not? We've not talked about it for 7 months, what's another 5?"

Andrew only stares blankly; clearly saying he wasn't letting this go so easily.

"My dad had one of his episodes one night after I broke my arm. I tried to eat but he found out and made me throw all of it. He said that if you don't fight, you don't eat."

We sat there in silence for a while.

"Your dad isn't here anymore. He doesn't get to control you."

"You think I don't know that," I all but seethed out. "You think I don't want to be able to just sit outside of my cabin and relax without thinking about what my dad would say?  You think I want to see him every time I close my eyes? Do you have any idea how much I just want to forget everything that happened when I was with him? I physically can't."

"You can if you would let me help you," he said gently. "You keep fighting everything until it becomes unbearable. For once, let me help before you have to learn the hard way."

Sounds familiar, doesn't it. Carter says, hinting at the way he warned me about fighting for the guards.

"I have more flashbacks and nightmares when I talk about it. Why ruin a good thing?"

"But at what cost? You're okay with having a decent life with the draw back being if you hear certain words or someone touches you, you just let Carter deal with it? And you eat barely enough to keep yourself alive."

I'd be okay with that first part.

"Carter said he's okay with that," I grumbled out as I stare at the desk, making Andrew sigh again.

"That's not the point. Carter isn't always going to be there for you."

I could all but feel Carter's jaw tighten as he forced himself up front, pushing me back onto the couch. I only watch with contentment as Carter gets ready to yell at him.

"I will always be here for him," Carter seethed out as he stood up from the chair. A scowl was set on his face, his jaw clenched, his fists balled at his sides.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that," Andrew defends weakly as he looked up to Carter, forcing himself to stay calm, clearly hoping some of the calm rubs off on Carter. He didn't seem to be getting lucky with that.

"You don't get to make us sit here while you tell us about things you don't even know. You don't get to pretend like you know what's best for us. You weren't even there. I was there. I protected him. I know what's best for him."

"Then what's best for him," Andrew asked gently after Carter calmed down a bit more.

Carter was quiet again. I could tell he wanted to agree with Andrew but didn't purely to be petty about it.

"He needs help," he says after a while.

Hey, shut up.

Don't deny it.

"Then how do you want me to help?"

"You need to stop being such a prick. You don't get to act all high and mighty just because you're here now."

"I'll work on that," Andrew said with a small sigh. "But what are we going to do about his weight? Eventually he's going to get too thin and he's going to have to go to a mental hospital and I promise they will be much more high and mighty than I am."

He waits for my answer but when I say nothing he sighs again.

"How would you normally treat it?"

"Portion control mostly and our sessions would be more food related."

Just the thought of having a session of just food made me want to throw up.

"Liam and the others are already doing portion control and it's not working. So the ball is back in your court."

"Then we move straight to therapy."

"Jax is mentally gagging over here so I don't know how well that's going to work out for you," Andrew only frowned as he thought of another way through all of this.

"There isn't really any other way. In normal cases you would try to get their mid off of the amount but for Jax it's not about the amount, it's just food in general and it's purely fear driven which is why we'll have to talk it through."

"We can still talk to through but you need to learn that there is a such thing as too far and you need to learn to lay off when you reach that point. When he says he's done, you need to listen."

"I can work on that," Andrew said hesitantly. Carter only sighs again as he rubs his face before walking to the door without another word.

"Where are you going," Andrew asked in disbelief as he watched Carter reach for the door.

"To the cabin. Our session is done and I think you've done enough for today."

Last updated May 24, 2021