Loving the Fighter

113

Carter's POV

I don't know how long I had been crying for but not long after I had finished Callum eased back in. At least he looked much better. I couldn't say the same for me.

As far as I could tell Liam and Ryder had fallen asleep. As much as I wanted to follow their lead, I couldn't force myself to do it. I knew the next time one of us fell asleep was going to be full of nightmares and I didn't want to get stuck in one right now.

I had barely noticed when Callum slipped into Liam's side of the bed.

"You're still awake," he stated sadly.

"I noticed," I whispered back, trying to not make it sound too obvious that I had been crying.

"I'm sorry I yelled. I know you hate that and I know it's not an excuse but I'm working on my own things, anger being a big one. I don't ever mean to yell. It just happens some times."

"It's okay," I mumbled, still not looking at him "I sometimes fight people without meaning to. It just happens sometimes."

"Do you want to come lay over here?" He asked hopefully but also somehow doubtfully.

"A little bit," I admit. "But I don't want to wake them up."

"Liam could sleep through a hurricane and Ryder will just go right back to sleep." I only nod as I tried to untangle my limbs from everyone else's.

Soon enough Liam had scooted closer to Ryder so they were mimicking the position we were just in, leaning Callum and I with Liam's half of the bed.

Callum was about to gesture to the empty part of the bed but before he had a chance to, I was straddling his lap. My arms going around his neck while my head rested on his left shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I say with a frown even though he can't see it.

"Do you want to try to sleep?"

"No."

"Alright," he says with a sad chuckle before letting us slip into silence again.

The scene replays in my mind over and over. My mid goes over all the ways I could have fought them if I hadn't been so useless.

"I don't know what you're thinking," Callum says roughly, catching my attention. "But stop it. Either talk to me about it, or let me help you find someone else to talk to it about, but stop beating yourself up about it without someone else being the voice of reason."

I can't help but clench my jaw at that but I decide to let him have it anyway.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me of all people to sit there while someone tried to hurt Jax?" I all but seethed out.

"I may not know exactly what it's like, but I have a pretty good idea considering I just did the same thing, but instead of it just being Jax, I had to watch them hurt you too."

"It's different."

"I'm sure it is, but I do have a basic understanding at least."

"I don't want to have to do that again."

"I don't either."

"What do you think will happen to the other guys?"

"It will depend on how many fights they have been in before this one. If they have been in over 3 then they are already on their way to some jail but if they are under 3 fights then they will go to a session to figure out why they did it and then they will basically have a restraining order so they can't be within so many feet of you without them getting in trouble."

The two of us slip into silence. Callum's hand rubs my back while I try to pretend that I don't hate it.

"It's late," Callum said after a while but I knew he was really just saying that we should go to sleep.

"It's not that late." Lunch was only a few hours ago. It couldn't be later than four.

"It's midnight." I frown at that. My head moved for Callum's shoulder to the window. I expected to see sunlight coming in through the blinds but it seems Callum was right.

"You were gone a long time then," I say as I lay my head back down on his shoulder.

"I didn't want to come back mad. I didn't want to make things worse."

"I don't know why you were so mad in the first place," I say honestly. Callum tense below me so I must have said something wrong again.

"I don't like it when any of you down play what happened. Ryder did it a lot when he first got here and it nearly killed me to sit there and listen to it. Liam still does it every time he has a panic attack. Jax does it when he has nightmares. And now you literally got beat up and had to lie there and just let it happen and you act like it isn't a big deal." He was all but shaking as his arms wrapped around my back before he pulled me closer.

I wanted to insist that it was fine and that I wasn't downplaying, I was stating the facts, but I didn't want to make it worse. I ended up staying quiet as I kept my face buried in the crook of his neck.

"I don't want to go to sleep," I say after a while.

"You'll have to eventually," Callum said gently, his hand reaching up to pet my hair. I hated how they knew that it made me sleepy.

"I still don't want to. I'll have a nightmare."

"I'll be here to wake up when it starts," he promised as my eyes began to feel heavy.

"I could end up hitting you though."

"It would be worth it," he said, I could tell he was smiling by the way he said it.

"I'm not sure you would feel the same way when you have to hobble to the nurse with a broken nose," I say with a small yawn.

"It would be okay. You'll carry there though, right?"

"I'll try to at least. I might have to get Liam to help. Maybe he could get your legs and I could get your arms."

"I think I'll stick to walking then," he chuckled as his arms tightened again.

He didn't talk again after that. I couldn't really tell if it was because he was trying to sleep or if he was trying to get me to sleep but regardless I didn't say anything either.

I just lay there, struggling to keep my eyes open as the minutes turned into hours.

I wasn't going to sleep tonight.

Last updated may 26, 2021