Loving the Fighter

28

Quick disclaimer: this has a trigger warning. In order to not spoil the chapter for those who aren't worried about getting triggered, please scroll down to the end of the chapter to learn what the trigger warning is. Please don't test this. If you have any trigger warnings please just scroll down to make sure.

Liam's POV

As much as I had hoped to say that we had a pretty relaxing time at the lake, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

On the outside Jax looked completely fine and decently happy but I could tell there were undertones of something else. When ever he thought I wasn't paying attention he let his mask fall for a split second before putting it back up and in those moments I could see all that he was hiding behind a stone walled face.

Anxiety showed the most, as if he were afraid we were going to get caught at any moment and get dragged back to our cabin at any given time to be punished, but every now and then I could pick more than just anxiety.

It was never for longer than a second but fear was evident. Not just fear though, it felt like there was something else to it. Almost as if it was more like utter terror but I couldn't figure out why.

Of course there were plenty of reasons why he could be terrified. News on his father, a memory, anxiety pushing scary thought into his head, anticipation for his session later today. There were so many options that I couldn't narrow it down to just one thing.

But whatever the reason after I picked up on the fear I decided he had enough for today and said that we should probably head back for the day. When he heard me say that I could practically see the weight being lifted off his shoulders.

The whole way back to the cabin Jax was all but running full speed even though he didn't entirely know where to go. There were a few times when I had to correct him on where we were supposed to be going but the second I got the direction out of my mouth he was right back to running.

Eventually we got back to the cabin and the first place Jax went was to the bathroom. I thought it was kind of weird but brushed it off as him needing to use the bathroom really bad.

Unfortunately, that was half an hour ago.

At some point the shower turned on but that wasn't what worried me. When I started dating Callum, he told me the best ways to help take care of Ryder in the future was to know what happening before he got to this camp. He told me Ryder wanted to tell me himself but he didn't think he could so he let Callum do it instead.

Apparently back when Ryder first came here, back when he was still in his depressed, trance like state, he use to take showers like this.

He would come back from somewhere and immediately rush to the shower. At first Callum always thought it was just a regular shower. After about 15 minutes he assumed Ryder was just doing teenage boy things. But after about 30 to 40 minutes he started to get worried and just opened the door to check on him.

Callum told me he found the same thing every time it happened.

Ryder sitting under the showerhead, naked as the day he was born, a blank expression written all over his face, and a body completely ridged.

When he tired to help Ryder out of the tub or just help him snap out of the daze he was in he would only end up making it worse, instantly sending him into a panic that could last upwards to an hour but after that he would pass out for the rest of the day and most of the night. The next morning he would say he didn't even remember coming to the cabin that night.

For a while I start to wonder if what happened to Ryder is now happening to Jax. Every now and then I would head to the bathroom door ready to barge in and make sure he was okay but before I even got my hand on the door a voice in the back of my head reminded me that this wasn't Ryder. It was Jax. And just because this happened to Ryder didn't mean it was going to happen to Jax.