Stairs in the North :: seoksoo

SITN :: 82

*seokmin*

i keep tapping my fingers on my desk while staring jadedly in front to where our prof was discussing and writing something on the white board. as long as i wanted to listen to her properly because she let us aware beforehand that she'll going to run a quizzes after her discussions but i couldnt control my mind to fly to the other dimensions. . i was so occupied by what was going to happen later. later when i finally had to meet with johnny and would tell him everything that will break his heart.

heaven knows how i dont want it anymore. . how i dont want to hurt him anymore. i was hurting him ever since then and i felt so bad for myself for feeling him like that. truly, he doesnt deserve me. because he was too good to me. ive been hoping that someone will love him in the ways i couldnt right after i confront him. i do wanted and did tried to be that someone so that i could give back everything he was giving me. . but no matter how i tried to forced myself to love him, at the end of the day, my heart was only choosing one person. and you all know who it was.

what they said was true, we cant teach nor forced our hearts to love someone when it wasnt the one who it chooses.

i got back to reality when eunha tugged me on my shoulder then she gave me a piece of yellow paper which means were having our quiz already! tae ganon ba ko katagal nagiisip that i didnt even noticed that her discussion was over and now shes running a short quiz?! lee seokmin, you need to pass the sem! gagraduate ka pa diba?!

"dont worry, papakopyahin ka namin."

what eunha and yuju said was true, they gave me answers and jungkook also joined. hindi naman kasi kami halata plus were at the back and the prof knew that the four of us are really that smart. nakakasagot kasi kami sa recitation so they thought that we were. luckily, i got 14 points out of 20 items and it was good enough dahil pasado kahit some of it ay kuha ko lang sa tatlo. its not always like that, minsan nga sila pa binibigyan ko nang sagot. . its just that, my mind was so occupied right now.

right after the class had ended, i received a message from johnny that he was heading to our buildings rooftop already. hindi nya na daw ako dadaan and that, we'll just going to see each other at that place. and by reading his message, my heart automatically thumped out of nervouness since up until now, hindi ko padin alam paano ko sisimulan or what was i supposed to say the moment we saw each other again. after that chirstmas kasi, hindi na namin nakita yung isat-isa and we werent catching up with each other anymore.

even though i was as nervous as hell, i pushed myself to go to the rooftop and face him. my mind and my heart was telling me that i need to inform him about what's in between me and jisoo hyung already. he needs to know that. he do really need to know. i keep swallowing hard and keep heaving a sighed mostly when i reached the rooftop already. my heart was really beating faster and its all i could hear but despite of that, i still held the doorknob and twitched it.

johnny's board back greeted me once i had entered the rooftop, at kahit wala pa at hindi pa nagsisimula, i could feel that my eyes started to filled with water already and i know to myself that i couldnt take it. but i know i shouldn't back down, i need to tell him everything and i need. . and i need him to let me go. kaya kahit masakit palang ngayon, i need to continue what i was doing. i do really need him to let me go, for the best of him. . for the best of us.