Kingdom

42.Memories(9)

Nori's head spins, the borders between reality and memory blur. She rubs her eyes and tries to focus on the King's figure.

"I saw you burning it..., the meadow." she says. "I saw and felt everything. You were terrified. You felt as a marionette in the hands of your uncle. Your heart was breaking but you accepted the task. You reached the meadow and then..., you sensed its magic, the same way I did as a child. But you couldn't stand it and ... you burnt it. You wanted to burn the pain in your heart... but it only hurts more now."

Nori bursts out crying, a sudden wave of emotions crashing over her. She doesn't know whose emotions she is feeling - his or hers. But it doesn't matter. She can't hold back.Her whole body shakes. She hides her face in her hands.

"Stop doing this, stop trying to invade my memories.", the King says, grabbing Nori's shoulders."Promise to never do this again!"

"I wanted to forgive you, I wanted all dark feelings between us to be gone."

"Look at me!"

"I am not very pretty when I cry."

"You don't have to be pretty when you cry. Just look at me."

Nori takes a few deep breaths and raises her head. Her eyes must be red and puffy by now, her face too pathetic to be shown to others. Yet, she looks straight into the King's eyes. His hands slide down her shoulders and fall by her side. The scar over his eye is scarlet red as if it was cut open a moment ago.

"I am sorry," he says, voice cracking. "I am sorry I had to do this, I wish there was another way."

"I know ... "

"Don't forgive me, I do not deserve to be forgiven." he continues, talking fast and out of breath. "Just accept the fact that bad things happen and none of them are your fault. You should not blame yourself for people leaving or for villages burning. You should..."

"Your Highness, I know." Nori interrupts him, placing her hand on his cheek. Her tears dry out, calmness settles in her heart. The dizziness and the effect of the magic is gone. But pain remains.

"It's not about whose fault it is, actually it is nobody's fault." she says; her hand dropping down to his shoulder, leaning on him for support. "We all fight our battles and sometimes we hurt each other on the way. I understand your reasons for doing what you did." Nori bends her head down, her voice hardly audible."I wasn't looking for someone to blame; I was looking for a way to see the truth. About you, and about myself."

Yoongi leans forward, his forehead almost touching Nori's.

"Princess, the past doesn't have the answers you seek." His breath caresses her face. His voice is stern but reassuring. "Look into the future. Stop obsessing over me and deal with your own issues."

"The future?", a bitter smile passes over Nori's lips."The future is scarier than the past. If I look ahead I have no idea where I am going. I came to Daegu to become a Queen because I was asked to do it, not because I wanted to. My only goal was to perform my duty, my only motivation - to please others. But is that motivation strong enough to lead me forward? Earlier I was quick to declare that I want to stay here and fulfil your challenge. But can I do it? And even if I succeed, then what? I feel too broken to believe that I can be happy again. Then what's the point? If I can never be happy, why keep going?"

"You believe this place is so terrible that you can never be happy here? Why? Because I am repulsive and unpleasant?"

Nori lifts her eyes towards the King. The moment their gazes meet he turns his head to the side.