Kingdom

79.Passion & Duty (5)

"Jungkook, it doesn't matter what I want," Mira says, her voice trembling. She looks small and fragile. Nothing to do with the confident woman who bossed him around all day. Yet, that softer side of her is just as alluring and attractive; and drives him no less crazy.

He should stay away from her, take some time to think things over, to let all previously forgotten memories settle in his mind. Yet, he can't stay away.

Jungkook can't control himself at all.

Whirlpool of memories and emotions are raging in his heart. He is utterly confused by all the things he remembers. His mother has a lot of explaining to do. For she made him forget more things than he realized. Such as his childhood home, and the long nights of wondering when they were moving from one place to another, until they settled in Ilsan. Where is he coming from? He is not even sure.

He only knows they used to live in a small house by the sea, waking up to the cries of seagulls every morning. Then they ran away. So much had happened in Kook's life that he had no memory of, only distant emotions lingering in his heart. He has been living an incomplete life, a fake reality where very few bad things ever happened to him. Yes, he saw battles, but remembered little of loss; yes, he knew physical pleasure; but remembered nothing of the burning sensations of love. Yes, he knew his parents... yet, remembered little of his life with them.

Jungkook's chest burns with anger; he is angry at his mother and at himself. Annoyed by the fact he chose to run, like she did, instead of facing his problems. But that is not what matters to him now. Amidst all the raw emotions that have taken control of him, one specific feeling prevails. Longing. For her. Mira. The same woman he fell for when he was only 17; the one he was falling for again, years after, enchanted by the Lady's lively character and magnetic beauty. He tried to resist this, he did. But it was futile.

Whatever blossoming feelings he had for her, have now multiplied, grown out of proportion. He remembers how fascinating she was in the past, how her eyes sparkled while she talked and laughed with her brother. How the sight of her made his heart race. He felt the same thrill today watching her speak about the things she likes and desires. The passion, power and energy that woman possesses makes Jungkook's blood run hot in his veins.

His heart and body scream for her. He wants to be near her as if she were the gravity his world revolves around. Is it because he prefers not to think of any of the other memories that have returned, neither his lost childhood, nor the lost friends - is that the reason she is the only thing on his mind right now? Or is it because she just happened to be here, at this moment, captivating his attention as lantern light hypnoting a moth at night? Or is it because all day she was on his mind, even when he thought their kiss in the morning was just a dream? Jungkook is way too confused to understand himself. He only knows that he feels broken and the only thing that brings him any consolation is her presence.

"Taking advantage of you is wrong." she adds. "It was wrong before and it's wrong now. It is better if this thing between us goes no further. I am not even sure what is happening, I just know it needs to stop."

Jungkook's jaw tenses. Her refusal to acknowledge her attraction to him irritates him. The fact she is so close to him, yet not in his arms, drives him insane. The shame of what he did in the past eats him on the inside, the feeling of guilt bites his heart - yet, what is stronger than all that is the desire to earn her approval, her affection, any word of affirmation.

"I don't care what is right or wrong," he says, his voice quiet but unnaturally stern. "I don't care what our duties and responsibilities are. I care to know only one thing - what is it that you feel for me."