Kingdom

103.Raven's claws (4)

"Do you know when was the moment I realized my feelings of friendship have turned into feelings of love?" he asked, taking Nori's hands into his.

"When I shared my last piece of apple cake with you?" Nori laughed awkwardly. His lingering stares and sweet words of affection painted her cheeks red; and made her talk too much and giggle stupidly. "It was the best cake ever made but I wanted to give it to you. Not sure how it was in your case, but for me - this was the moment I realized I must be in love with you."

He smiled in that strange, devilish way that caused her heart to race.

"That was a grand gesture of affection for sure," he said, "but it was not the moment I was referring to."

He bit his lips and his eyes turned tense and focused, engulfing Nori in their depth, making her forget there is anything else existing in this world but him.

"It was the moment I held your hand for the first time." He paused to smile at the memory. "I wanted to help you get off the horse; it was an impulse to reach out and be of assistance to you. But once I felt your touch, every nerve in my body tensed. Then I knew it - I never wanted to let go of your hand again. I wanted to hold you closer, hold you for a long time. I dreamt of kissing you that night. And I have dreamed of you every night since. The thought of you chased me everywhere I went and never gave me peace. This is how I knew I was in love with you."

—

Nori stares at the broken vase, her mind recalling unwanted memories of her fiance - memories she hates to remember. For now they bring her nothing but pain.

She misses the way he used to look at her - as if she was the center of his universe. As if she was the most special, unique and lovable creature in all Eastern Kingdoms. She misses his eyes full of love.

She misses the feeling of being loved.

Now more than ever.

For now Nori feels extremely alone.

All her efforts to get closer to the King seem pointless, silly and laughable. No matter how much she tries, he would never truly care for her. Yoongi will continue to have affairs with other women. Like all Kings do.

The King will never look at her as if she was the only one he wants. Nori will never be enough. Their relationship is not meant to be more than a mutually beneficial partnership.

She knew that, yet it hurts.

No matter how much she fights for their marriage to be more stable, it will never be the relationship she wants. It won't be similar to the loving relationship she had with her fiance, and not even close to the kind of special connection she shares with her brother. The King won't care for her on a deeper and more personal level.

She knew that, yet it hurts.

It hurts because it felt so nice to sit under the stars with him and share a quiet moment without arguing. It hurts because he is not the kind of cold, selfish man she thought he was. It hurts because talking to him and spending time with him is not at all unpleasant.

It hurts because it is not easy to close off your heart completely and accept the fact that there will be no more chances to be loved. And despite one's decisions to give up all hope, hope finds its way back into one's heart. Nori didn't notice it sneaking into hers but now she knows it was there all along. Hope to find another close person, maybe not a lover, but a friend, a brother. Someone who would know her, appreciate her and look at her as if she mattered.