Kingdom

49. Truce (8)

Kissing the Princess as he has never kissed anyone before - slowly, deeply and intimately; knowing she is as messed up and frightened as he is - it's a sensation unlike anything Yoongi has experienced before. It's not lust, but an unfamiliar need which continues to grow inside of him.

Tenderness that thrills. Softness that tickles his senses. Yoongi cannot get enough of it.His mind is empty. Seeking the lips that give him pleasure, he is lost and he doesn't want to be found. He wants to kiss her forever.

Heat blazes his skin as if the room around him is on fire. Magic. Strong and raw magic. Rarely has he felt magic before, but Yoongi knows this burning sensation to be exactly that.

Magic has been triggered. And he can sense it. It's a power that flows into his veins, gives him energy, heals his tiredness and makes him feel invincible.

The Princess breaks the kiss. She inhales sharply as if something has startled her. Did she feel the magic, too? Yoongi wants to ask but he is too dazed to speak. His hands drop from her back and fall by his side. The magic slowly disappears but the warmth of her lips lingers on his. And he wants more of it. More of her.

The Princess was right, Yoongi craves human contact and the only way he gets it is by pleasuring his lovers. He is not a man who holds back on enjoying the things he likes - he eats from the honey jar until he is sick from sweetness.

But no matter how lost he gets in the pleasure he gives and receives, Yoongi never allows himself to sink too deep. In his mind he always keeps an invisible knife in his hand, a blade that pierces his flesh. The pain of the cut reminds him to stay awake, to stay focused. To remain detached.

For Yoongi physical pleasure is not different from alcohol - it makes him drunk senseless, dizzy and euphoric. But it always leaves a sour aftertaste, a hangover in the form of a strange regret. He feels empty. Like a bottle of wine that has been drained and thrown away. But feeling drained of all emotions brings him a peace of mind. He likes to be alone in the void. After the euphoria, when the stars disappear and only the darkness remains - there, in the silence, is where he rests and recovers.

He wanted to sink into that nothingness tonight. To forget and be free.

But this was not a kiss that drained him; not a pleasure that freed him of his emotions. There is no aftertaste of bitterness or regret. There is only the need for more.

Yoongi leans forward, seeking her lips again but the Princess pulls back. She stares at the ground, her breathing still uneven.

"Let's get some sleep." she says with a soft voice."Let's practice holding hands for a bit longer."

"You want me to sleep in your bed?"

"Yes... " She looks up, a soft smile curves her lips. "As I said a million times before: I want you to stay with me."

Even if they are both standing still, Yoongi's heart can't stop racing, slamming in his chest loudly as if he is running uphill.

"I want you to come to my room," she says, her eyes dropping down, unable to hold his gaze. Her voice slowly turns into a whisper. "I want you to hold my hand and sleep next to me. Tonight, I really want to be with you. With you, and no one else."

Yoongi swallows. His heart is attempting to break from his ribcage.

A half-forgotten memory passes through his mind. Him staying frozen in front of a secret exit, legs too heavy to move. Together with Jin he had planned to sneak out of the Palace and buy sweets from the market. Yoongi had all the sweets he could ask for but he wanted to be outside for a day. To feel free. But even if everything Yoongi wanted was on the other side of that door, he was too terrified to take another step.