The Hookup

Forty two

As soon as the door closes to the bathroom behind me, I quickly lock it and let out a deep breath.

Lord, help me.

I've been living with this.. sex god.. fucking man of my dreams for how long now? And I'm currently.. freaking the F out.

Three days together. In a secluded dream vacation house, miles away from anyone else. He knew what he was doing.. and I really fucking like it. But I'm also freaking out.

Okay. Okay. So I may not be experienced in the game of cat and mouse. You know.. having a stick in the mud ex boyfriend and all.

Would Marvin have ever taken me here? Would we have even taken a honeymoon? Most likely not..

Why am I thinking of that asshole? I'm here with my dream guy.. who also happens to be my boyfriend. Fuck. I need to phone a friend.

As I pace around the small confines of the hallway bathroom, I can't help but watch my self in the mirror.. and take in the cute little starfish decor. Which is somehow doing wonders to calm my nerves. All the while, the phone is ringing in my ear.

"Oh my god!!!! Hi!!!!"

"Myra! Listen to me. I need your help," I yell-whisper into the phone. Cutting her completely off.

"What?! What happened? Are you pregnant?! Oh my god!" She screeches into the phone. "My best friend is pregnant! Dan!!!"

"No!" I yell and stop pacing long enough to listen if Hero is somehow outside the door. "I'm not fucking pregnant! Listen to me!"

I'm desperate here. Clearly. Why else would I call someone who is absolutely crazy?

"Hero and I are in Florida.."

"What?!"

"He took me to Florida. To key west. For a vacation!" I whisper yell. Crouching down by the toilet in order to keep my voice down.

"WHAT?!" She screeches. "That's awesome!"

"Yeah, Yeah.." I cut her off. "What's no so awesome is how I somehow need to become some..." I lick my lips, "some vixen by this afternoon. You know..." I run my hand through my hair, "to tease him and get him to sleep with me or whatever!"

All I'm met with is laughter. LAUGHTER! See... I told you this was a mistake.

"Jo.." Myra keeps laughing in my ear. "Are you asking me how to play the game?"

"What game?"

"You know.." she snickers. "The game. Like.. the I've been sleeping with you for months but now we are doing something exciting and I want to spice things up a little bit game. You know.."

"No!" I whisper harshly into the phone. "I don't know whatever game that is."

She laughs again.

This was dumb. I'm dumb for calling her. Or maybe this whole thing is dumb. If I just went out there butt ass naked he would have no choice but to..

"Do you have any popsicles there?" Myra asks and completely catches me off guard.

"Popsicles?" I stop where I'm standing. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You know.." she sighs. "Like the things shaped like penisis you eat in the summer time. Taste really good.."

"I know what they are." I cut her off.

"Here's what you do.. you put on the skimpiest bikini you packed for this.." I can hear her smirking, "little getaway.."

"He packed me bikinis. My.. he thought everything through!"

"Ahhh!" She groans like she's totally swept off her feet. "This is perfect."

I sit on the toilet in the corner of the bathroom. Phone pressed to my ear like it's my savior on the other line.

"Put whatever it is on that he brought. Find the biggest.. fattest.. juiciest.."

"Myra.. focus.."

"Right. All you have to do is suck on a few penis flavored things in front of him and whala!! Instant boning status. You're welcome! Guys can't ignore the obvious."

This is a nightmare. What? Put a few popsicles in my mouth and the outcome is the best vacation ever? First line of business? Petition for a new best friend. After.. I get home.

"You're ridiculous.."

"Jo. Josie.."

"I told you not to call me that.."

"Sorry. Desperate times call for desperate measures.."

You're telling me.

"Listen. You're talking to the girl who went on the honey moon of a lifetime, had more sex than you know how to shake a stick at.. and who is also your best friend. Trust me on this."

"I've got to go," I sigh and run the tap water to make it sound like I'm not having a mental breakdown in here from the outside in. "I'll text you later."

"Jo.." Myra's voice comes through the line all seriousness in tact. "If you follow my program.. there's a one hundred percent chance you will sleep with him."

"Awesome," I hold back my laugh.

"And you might even become pregnant. Got to go! Good luck!"

What?

The phone cuts off. I'm completely stunned.

Did I just become an aunt?