The Search Is Over

Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Home

For what felt like quite a long time, the two just lay cuddled together in the dark. Neither spoke. The minutes or hours that passed did not matter. They just clung to one another and enjoyed the fact that they could. It was like a dream only better, because Regulus was at last convinced that he was indeed awake and that Kreacher would not fade like a phantom from his arms. Holding the elf close felt better than anything in the world, and he never planned to lose him again. Eventually, though, Regulus's mind began to replay what Kreacher said about his mother's death. Though he was shocked and devastated to hear the news, struggling to somehow make things right with Kreacher had taken up most of his awareness. Now that things were quiet between them, he had no choice but to process that his mother was dead. No words distracted him from this stark realization or the new void it created in his already ravaged soul. He had inadvertently hurt Kreacher, but at least he could spend the rest of his life making it up to his friend. His mother, not so much. He was never going to embrace her again, never going to have another opportunity to make her proud, or to even explain what had happened to his father.

"Did she know anything about...anything," he asked Kreacher suddenly. Though he'd spoken quietly into the darkness of the room, his voice breaking the deep silence seemed somehow loud to his own ears.

Kreacher shifted slightly against him. "Not that Kreacher was aware," he replied. "Kreacher never told, just as Master Regulus requested, and Mistress never asked."

Regulus swallowed. "Did she believe I was killed by the Dark Lord?"

"She feared so," Kreacher replied. "Master Orion as well, though no one was ever certain and Kreacher kept all things to himself as he was told to do."

"Did...She speak fondly of me," Regulus asked, forcing the words out through his grief and shame. Grief over his mother's loss and shame over the way he'd stupidly botched everything. Now he couldn't help wondering if his own mother had come to detest him for his mistakes.

Kreacher pulled himself higher on the bed to peer into Regulus's face as best he could in the dark room. "Of course she spoke fondly! She loved Master Regulus very much and she grieved him deeply as she did Master Orion. She and Kreacher were both very heartbroken."

Regulus felt the knife twist in his heart again. He had made such a bloody mess of everything. Reaching down, he drew the blankets closer around them as the temperature in the room dropped. "Do I feel cold," he asked, suddenly aware that he had had literally no human contact so had no idea how cold he was in comparison. Kreacher shook his head, snuggling closer.

"Master Regulus is slightly cooler, but not ice cold. He does not feel dead and Kreacher is pleased about that," the elf added as if to himself and Regulus chuckled. How he had missed the quaint way in which his dear friend thought out loud to himself so that all might hear.

"Vampires aren't dead. They are, in some ways, more alive if slightly more limited. He lifted up on one elbow to kiss Kreacher. "Soon you will see for yourself," he murmured against the elf's lips.

"Tell Kreacher what it is like," the elf requested. "He wishes to know what to expect for himself."

"Well there is the extra strength and speed and mind reading, I use that bit to find the right sort of people on which to dine. If I get rid of the worst sorts of criminals, I feel as if I am helping the world...paying it back for my wrong doings in following the Dark Lord."

Kreacher nodded. "Yes, but what does it feel like? Does Master Regulus feel different? Will Kreacher still feel like Kreacher when he becomes a vampire with master Regulus?"

"I think you will feel like Kreacher," Regulus replied slowly. "I still feel like Regulus. It feels different as it involves our senses, but inside I am me. It feels different to notice even the air on my skin and sounds from further away. It feels different to notice all the many layers in sounds that I never noticed before. It teaches one much...At times more than I wished to know about humanity, seeing into their minds at will. Drinking blood and craving it instead of food almost feels normal until you think about it for too long. Taking a life to have this blood would be more disconcerting did I not feel I was doing the world some good. Those Dora fed me from when I wasn't even conscious after the incident in the lake of Inferi were at least the homeless unwanted of the world so in truth I did not trouble myself too deeply over that either," Regulus admitted and Kreacher nodded against his shoulder. The elf listened silently, drinking in every word without making a comment, which was rare. Sighing Regulus added, "Not to mention my concerns were too deeply involved with you at the time to spare much for strangers. I was trying to contact you and handle my new vampirism at the same time."