The Search Is Over

Chapter 33

Chapter 33: You're the only one who really knew me at all

Regulus sat down on the bed beside Kreacher, guitar in hand, suddenly nervous. Idly plucking at the strings he regarded his friend, momentarily at a loss. "Um...What would you like to hear...I mean what sort of song," he asked, sharply aware that Kreacher wouldn't know any of the Muggle music to which he now so deeply related.

Kreacher frowned thoughtfully. "Kreacher doesn't know. He will enjoy anything Master Regulus plays, he is sure."

It was then that Regulus realized that perhaps he was nervous, and a little uncomfortable because he didn't have any songs that weren't immensely depressing. This was because for the entire time of his self-imposed if necessary exile, he was utterly miserable. He'd lost everything as he saw it and the only comfort he'd found was in music. Not in allowing it to uplift him with happy songs so much, because that felt like a lie. He wasn't happy, after all. Far from it...Very far. What he loved about the music that drew him was the understanding it provided. He related to every note of loss and misery torn from the heart of someone suffering in their way as much as he was. It was as if they understood him, and offered sympathy and a calm for his pain in the best way they could. Learning to sing and play these songs allowed him to express himself and that made the pain more bearable. Now that Kreacher was with him again, embracing depression felt...wrong. For this reason he found himself struggling to think of a song that reflected the love that he and Kreacher shared. He sat for several seconds, frowning into space and then it suddenly struck him! It was so obvious!

"This song is by a group, fittingly called Survivor. The song is called The Search Is Over. It is about two friends who become lovers and find their way back to one another," he explained, giving Kreacher a soft smile. "There are a few lines that remind me strongly of my mistakes and how in spite of them I am with you again." Taking a deep breath, Regulus ran his fingers across the guitar strings checking that it was properly tuned, using the moment to psych himself up to perform for Kreacher. "Only Dora and Mortis have heard me play before...but performing for you means more than anything, so I am quite nervous, I must admit," he said, giving an embarrassed laugh.

Kreacher smiled encouragingly. "Master Regulus will be wonderful, and Kreacher is eager to hear him."

Regulus closed his eyes and began to play. Before he sang the first note, though, he made himself open his eyes to regard Kreacher. He wanted to sing to his friend, to connect with him and through the song convey how much he loved him and how sorry he was that this reunion had taken so long. When he sang the line that spoke of having taken for granted the friend he had in him, he heard his voice breaking slightly. He made it through the rest of the song without ruining it, and by the end, it was Kreacher's round blue eyes that were swimming with tears.

"That's beautiful, Master Regulus," he choked out, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of the gray cardigan Dora had given him to wear as a sort of tunic.

Regulus let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "I'm so glad you liked it!" And he was. Kreacher's opinion meant the world to him. It was everything and always had been.

"Kreacher would like to hear another," the elf said and this time Regulus had something in mind without having to think on it.

"This one is another that reflects how I feel about you," he said. "Music is so wonderful for that...for using magic to convey a depth of feeling that words alone can never fully express," Regulus enthused. "This one is Love Song, by a group called The Cure."

Kreacher smiled. "Kreacher likes the title already, for he loves Master Regulus very much."

Regulus smiled back. "Likewise." He began to play, losing himself in the haunting melody as he sang of how he felt whole, and young, and free again when he was alone with Kreacher. As Regulus sang that no matter how far away he strayed he would always love him, the elf actually began to sway slightly to the beat, gaze fixed adoringly on Regulus's face.