𝐌𝐢𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐳. Even being born right next to the cruel and sick crime life never changed the charismatic and positive Mia who wanted to help change the messy world she formed part off.
Becoming a nurse at the age of 25 and joining her d...
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"I'm sorry for everything baby, I really am." He says while I listen in silence hiding at the other side of the door with tears falling down my cheeks.
I heard everything he said to Danielle, every word caused my heart to break into a thousand little more pieces. And I know he is sorry, the same way I know he didn't mean to hurt me and how much he hates himself right now. But I can't face him, not after everything that happened last night. So instead of going inside his room, I leave. Quietly but not excessively so he knows I heard him.
So he knows I was listening.
"Are you okay?" Danielle asks for the second time today.
And sadly the answer hasn't changed.
"I will be," I reply hopefully wiping away the tears with the side of my hand.
"I'm sorry you had to go through this, it isn't easy. When I found Matteo drunk for the first time even if we weren't anything back then it hurt, a lot. It also made me mad, to see someone like him do something like that. But it was his way of coping, he warned me. I knew he was an alcoholic and that eventually it will be an issue but you didn't and I can't imagine how it must have felt for you." She tells me resting herself against the counter. Her hands over her belly.
And this time instead of being quiet like I was back there with him I let it all out.
Because I need to let it out.
"It hurt, it hurt so much but not because of me. Not because he left me hanging or because he tricked me but because of him. All I could think about was how much he will hate himself the next day. How awful he would feel, both physically and mentally." I pause looking at the ceiling to try and stop my tears. "The moment I saw him there, I didn't matter anymore, my emotions didn't matter, everything he had done was forgotten for as long as he needed me. And I- I have never felt this way for someone before, I have never cared about someone the way I care about him and I'm scared. I'm so scared Danielle." I feel the tears I have fought so hard to keep at bay falling down my cheeks once again.
She instantly walks up to me, puts her arms around my body, and hugs me tight against her chest. My head is buried in her shoulder as I cry, letting it all out. I have never cried this much before.
"It's okay, you will be okay because being scared? That's part of love, we all were scared at some point. I know I was and god let's be honest I still am. Loving someone is fucking scary." She whispers against my head. "But if that person deserves your love, and I know you think he does, then being scared is nothing, it doesn't even matter because the rest of the stuff love implies makes it worth it. So worth it."
She is right, she always is.
Love is scary, probably the scariest thing in this world but it's also the most important. The love of a family, of a partner, of friends. That is all that matters at the end of the day but as with everything, it comes with a downside. You just need to make sure loving that someone is worth that downside, that it gives more than it takes. The moment you figure that out is the moment everything changes.
