𝐌𝐢𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐳. Even being born right next to the cruel and sick crime life never changed the charismatic and positive Mia who wanted to help change the messy world she formed part off.
Becoming a nurse at the age of 25 and joining her d...
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A week later
A week passed and we went back to normal. Or at least the new normal. After I asked Carlos to accept Nathan's help he finally took the papers and called him. Tomorrow he will go visit Nico and hopefully, this madness will end.
I knew when I asked him to do this for me that I was doing it completely out of selfishness. That I was doing something wrong and that I had no right to ask. He didn't want to do it and if he is now it's only because of me. And I feel guilty of course I do but I won't lie, the majority of that guilt isn't for the fact of doing it but for knowing that if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing.
Or new normal (that's what I call it even though there's nothing normal about it, I just like to trick myself into believing that our relationship hasn't changed) includes having dinner together every night after he finishes working. He has been doing it none stop, as he used to do before but these last few days were different, Rick came over almost every other day. And then Carlos would tell me about his day but he would barely even mention his meetings with Rick. It's not that details were vague, we talked for a while but it felt more like broadcasting the news to a small audience than a conversation between what's supposed to be a couple.
Did I expect everything to go back to being as good as it was in the beginning? Of course not. Not after everything that has happened but I didn't think it would be this bad.
It almost feels as if we turned into the kind of strangers that always find each other at the same metro line or bus stop. That ones you know but in reality don't know. The ones you exchange some words with, words that barely have any meaning, and then one exits the train or gets into the bus ending conversation to the repeat the same thing the next day.
That's how we work right now and I didn't know how much it could hurt until it happened.
Or how badly I would blame myself for it.
"Do you resent me?" I ask him suddenly and he drops his fork into the plate, slowly but still causing it to clank against the white expensive porcelain.
We finished our news repertory ten minutes ago and since then we have been eating dinner in silence. And yeah, breaking it with this question was probably the worst way possible but I had to know and I have learned that with Carlos you either go all in or do nothing.
"What?" He replies with another question. His eyes look straight through mine as he finishes swallowing the shrimp pasta bite he had just taken.
"For asking you to do this for me, do you resent me?" I don't let it go, needing to know.
I hadn't asked him until now how he felt about me asking him to accept Nathan's help, I like to say it's because he never brought it up but in reality, it was because I was too scared to know the answer.
I'm not anymore.
"Do we really have to talk about this right now?" He takes his fork once again.
"For the last few days, we haven't talked about anything more than business and your physical therapy sessions. Is it that bad that I want to talk about the way we are feeling?" That sounds a lot colder than I wanted it to sound like but it's the only way I could think of putting it.
