Barely Breathing//Ethis

7||

Ethan's point of view:

"Chris just take a deep breath" I whisper to him before stepping up onto my podium and watching him carefully get on his, he shakes his head lightly and I watch him wipe his palms on his jeans. I haven't seen him this nervous since his Voice Kids Blind Audition, of course I didn't know him until after but I still saw him. It's no secret that his anxiety has been worse and worse I just hope that he can get through this performance, I know he has it in him but he's letting his nerves hold him back; cloud his judgement.

We are introduced and the crowd begin screaming as Chris starts to play the first chords of the song, he's struggling. He looks up and almost immediately messes up the guitar, hopefully no one notices as I start singing my part.
As the song goes on he starts to look a bit better with singing in front of everyone and actually looking at them but I know he's still just as nervous because I can see his hand shaking as he steps down from the podium continuing to sing.

We all stand in front of the judges waiting for them to either praise us or give us constructive criticism. Luke is caught up in a conversation with James when the crowd begins to get restless and probably one of the worst things that could happen, happens.

"Chris you slut!" Someone yells out and everyone immediately falls silent and all eyes fall on Chris, he lowers his head and his knuckles turn white as he grips his guitar. I glance at Jakob and he has the same expression as what I imagine mine is; anger and worry.

I chase him past Jakob and past all of the other contestants

"Chris, wait!" I shout but he still doesn't stop, not until he gets to our dressing room. I stand in the door way just watching as he places his hands behind his head taking a deep breath, he balls his hands into fists by his sides and he kicks the side of the couch falling to the ground burying his head in his hands.

"Chris," I start cautiously making my way to his side "Chris it's alright, we did great." I try to reassure him

"No it's not, I messed up Ethan. I mess everything up." He cries

"You don't, no one even noticed" I try to tell him

"I got called a fucking slut, I give up Ethan I fucking give up" he says starting to talk normally

"Chris you're a strong person, I know you can get through this. Jake and I are here, talk to us please" I reply softly really hoping that I'm getting through to him, and he nods sniffling.

•••

"Are you sure we have to go?" I ask Jakob a little uneasy about leaving Chris.

"Yes, I need you with me please. It's important for our recording." Jakob replies hauling his suitcase into the back of his mums shiny silver car, I huff and copy his actions, I'm not sure we should be leaving Chris in the state he's been in for the past day or so.
I turn around and jog up the drive to say goodbye to Chris one last time, except I don't say anything. I pull him into a hug patting him on the back, even surprising myself at this sudden affectionate gesture. He too, seems a little shocked but he doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around my waist hugging me back

"It's gonna be okay, we'll be back in two days. Call me if you need anything please" I mumble over his shoulder, he nods slightly and I have to pull away because we were probably hugging for way to long and I don't want to make anything awkward.

I walk back to the car and open the door sliding in next to Jakob giving him a smile.

"This is gonna be great" he smiles back

"Remind me again why Chris can't come" I say glancing out the window

"Because we're doing this for him, it's a surprise. I hope he likes it" Jakob replies beginning to ramble on quietly to himself. Jake doesn't seem to be as worried as I am, although he hasn't been paying attention to much lately.

"Seeing as though it's pretty late why don't we just relax and get to work tomorrow?" Jakob suggests putting his dirty plate into the sink. I nod also putting my own plate in the sink before following Jakob upstairs to his room.

"Oh look, Chris is doing a live YouNow. Should we just have a look at what he's doing?" Jake asks already clicking on the app.

Once it loads I immediately readjust my position trying to see better, I thought I was wrong but unfortunately I'm not. Chris is crying.

The comments begin flooding in but he ignores them and takes a deep breath.

"Hi," he starts
I look at Jakob and see his eyes grow wide as he continues watching Chris.
Chris is sitting on the end of his bed just letting the tears fall as he holds his phone and what appears to be scrolling.

"Oh look a new comment!" He exclaims sniffling ever so slightly "Chris you horny fuckboy" he reads aloud before holding his head in his hands beginning to sob softly.

"Stupid bitch, surprised you found someone who likes you," he continues to read out "ew why would you do that, I used to like you"

Chris swallows hard and looks back up at the camera sighing heavily.

"I'm the real Chris Lanzon, and I don't understand why everybody hates me so much. Or maybe I do, because now I hate me too. I really don't see the reason for trying," he stops to wipe his eyes and I feel my heart race quicken at his words "or for talking...or for breathing. I'm just done." He runs a hand through his hair as more tears fall and he continues "so that's it I guess. Bye." He breaks down now as he begins walking towards his laptop and ending the broadcast. I immediately jump across the room in search for my phone, I find it and desperately dial Chris' number

"Pick up the phone Chris" I say urgently and Jakob and I run from the room. I call Chris over and over but every time I get no answer.

Chris' POV

I end the broadcast and walk back over to my bed gripping onto the end of my bed head trying to get air into my lungs. Breathing becomes harder and harder. I pace around the room letting all of the hateful things run through my mind.

Ew, ugly fag

Slut

Go die

I pull my bedroom door open and walking down the hall to the bathroom. I can feel it, I'm going to do it.