Barely Breathing//Ethis

25||

Ethan's point of view:

I glance at Jakob still a little uneasy of the whole situation, he nods giving me a reassuring smile so I focus my gaze back on Chris swallowing thickly waiting for him to start explaining.

"I was drunk," he starts looking down at his hands "wow I didn't know it would be this hard telling you. I've been drinking ever since that party I went to, I have a fake ID. When you came home I was drunk, I lost control. All my feelings for you just- I don't know. It helps deal with the pain. I know there's nothing I can really say that will make up for what I did but I hope that somewhere in that big heart of yours you have the courage to forgive me." He begins to ramble, I go to speak but nothing comes out. Should I forgive him this quickly? This easily?

"I-I'm trying really hard to stop, for you. It's so hard, I'm going to need your help, that's if you forgive me." he continues realising I wasn't going to say anything

"I don't know," I say quietly biting down on my lip in an attempt to stop it from trembling "I want to forgive you, as much as you hurt me, I still love you. I don't want to love you, I don't want to feel like this. But w-we need each other. You make me feel, even if it is pain."  I look down unable to meet his intriguing gaze

"Ethan I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he rushes and this time I force myself to look up at him and I see the pain in his eyes and I just wonder if he can see it in my own.

"I-it's okay, I forgive you." I manage to get out

I watch his face soften and he sighs in relief

"Maybe we can help each other" he suggests, I nod in agreement. Jake must have told him. I had completely forgotten the fact that Jake was also in the room, sitting across from us silently, waiting for us to either work things out or never speak again.

"Are we going to go back to the band house now?" I ask wanting to change the subject

"Yeah, let's go" Jakob finally speaks up heading for the door, Chris and I join him and soon we are all walking home. Chris makes sure to keep his distance from me and I'm thankful for that.
There's a little voice at the back of my head saying that maybe I shouldn't have forgiven him, you don't do what he did regardless of the situation, right?
He apologised and I forgave him and everything but was that for me or was it for the band?
I can't just forget what he did, things can't just go back to the way they were before the whole thing happened. I have to learn how to trust him all over again and I'm not sure I know how to do that, I trust too much, too often and it always ends badly for me.

Maybe I should stop thinking highly
of everyone and expect them to treat me the same way I treat them.

As soon as we get home I calmly walk up to my room unintentionally slamming my door as I rest against it sighing.

Chris' point of view:

I know it's going to take a while for things to get back to the way they were so I stay well away from Ethan when we were walking home. I couldn't help but notice that he looked in pain with each step.

As I take a seat on the couch I remember that Jakob told me he hurt himself again, he said it was bad but I didn't think it would be so bad that Ethan can barely walk. It's because of me, he did that because of me. He felt the need to take it out on himself because of something I did.

"Try not to beat yourself up about it, you both agreed that you would help each other stop the things you're addicted to." Jakob says breaking my train of thought as he enters the room

"He's never going to trust me again."

"He will, with time. Don't rush him, he needs to become comfortable around you again before he can even start trusting you again. Do you want me to go speak to him?" He asks

"Please." I reply looking away, I watch him leave the room before my thoughts consume me once again.

I stand from the couch and jog up to my room crouching down next to my bed and reaching underneath it for the several alcohol bottles, empty and full that lay there. I take as many as I can in my arms without dropping them, I carry them with great difficulty down the stairs and into the kitchen where I proceed to put them all one by one into the bin.

I can't bring myself to do the same with my fake ID but I guess I already am one step closer to stopping this addiction. I sigh when I see the first aid kit strewn across the counter, I put it all back in the place it's supposed to be and I return to my bedroom. Jakob must still be talking to Ethan because I can still hear muffled voices through the walls, they've been talking for a while now I hope it's going well and Ethan doesn't suddenly decide to leave again. He might even break up with me, I know he loves me but so many people in relationships love each other and they decide to break up, one of them does at least.

What would happen then? Would he quit the band?

He needs help, even if it's not from me, he definitely needs it and I know I do too but I care about him so much that it hurts me to see him hurt.

I would rather him hurt me than hurt himself.

A/N: HI I HAVE UPDATED AFTER LIKE 5 DAYS YAYAYA

Ive had really bad writers block so that's why I've taken so long to update, forgive me.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as boring as it is.