Barely Breathing//Ethis

67||

Chris' point of view:

Ethan wakes me up when he moves away from my grasp, I rub my eyes and waken up more when he speaks.

"I didn't, I swear." Ethan mumbles rolling over, it takes me a second to work out that he's sleep talking, I prop myself up and lean on my arm ready to wake him if I need to.

"I wouldn't tell anyone, you told me not to. Don't hurt me, please" he shifts away and for a second I'm worried that he would fall out of bed, but he doesn't.

"Stay away from me, no, don't touch me," he says with more urgency this time "no, that hurts!" He yells waking up in a panic

"Ethan, it's okay" I whisper calmly

"Chris?" He asks sounding scared

"I'm here, you're safe" I try to calm him down

"But i-it, h-he-"

"I know, but you're okay now" I cut him off

"It's never going to stop hurting is it?" He asks quietly

"I hope it does"

"I don't feel well" he whispers kicking the covers off himself and standing up slowly, I watch him walk into the ensuite and I hear the running water of a tap followed by the quiet sound of him throwing up. He didn't want me to hear, he doesn't want me to worry.
He stays in the ensuite for a few more minutes before he comes out, he climbs into bed and pulls the covers back over him. He faces away from me and I know somethings up.

"Ethan what's wrong?" I ask loud enough for him to hear me

"Nothing, just another nightmare" he whispers moving further down the bed and wrapping himself up in the blankets.

"Come on Ethan" I try again, he rolls over to face me and he wraps his arms around my chest burying his head into my chest. I feel his tears start to fall and his shoulders start to shake slightly, he curls his legs up and tucks them into my chest

"Chris," he whispers trying to hold back tears "it was different this time"

"Tell me"

"It was when we were touring, he came into my hotel room. He accused me of telling someone, I told him I hadn't and I wouldn't bu-t he said he had to teach me a lesson. And after that I didn't stay in my hotel room." He whispers

"You stayed with me, I remember." I nod thinking back to the night he knocked on my hotel room door and I opened it to see a shaking, frantic Ethan asking to stay with me. I didn't even question it, even back then I would have done anything for him because he was my best friend.

"I couldn't do anything, it's not fair. I should have control over my body, it's mine. I'm not a toy, I'm not" he looks up at me, he's getting upset again but I know he's just trying to prove a point.

I stay silent when he finishes due to the fact that I don't really know what to say, he's definitely gone through a lot in such a short time period and sometimes I don't know how I'm supposed to help him if he won't let me.

"Do we have to sleep? Can we stay up?" He asks quietly, calming down again noticing that I'm not going to say anything

"Come on then" I exhale loudly giving him a small smile

He moves away and we both stand up, I pull the duvet off the bed and carry it with me downstairs. We sit on the couch and I throw the covers over us and turn the TV on.

I see that Perks Of Being A Wallflower is on and stay on that. It's only about five minutes. Ethan snuggles further into me, so close I can feel every curve and shape in his body. I wish I could be this close to him forever.

"I love this movie." He tells me, his words coming out small.

"Me too."

My arms wrap around his waist tighter. Ethan rests his hands on mine and holds them, letting me stroke my thumb over his softly. His hair tickles the bottom of my chin so I pull his beanie down a little further.

Half way through the movie, we haven't moved. The part where Patrick's ex boyfriend is calling him a fag in the cafeteria comes on and Ethan grips my hands a little tighter. I know Ethan is still very worried about people not accepting him and this can't be helping.

"I won't let that ever happen to you or us, okay." I whisper in his ear, kissing just below it.

Ethan's point of view:

Chris falls asleep not long after the movie finishes and I lay in the same position just happy to be with him. I don't want to fall asleep again, even with Chris here I don't feel completely safe and I'm beginning to worry that I may never be. I can't run away again, that hurt the both of us way too much and I don't want to put him through the that again. Chris says he won't let anything happen to us but the both of us know that he has no control over what people say.

I just wish that we could stay here forever, in Chris' arms is the closest to safe that I'm going to get.

It doesn't matter what I do, I can never forget what happened but it's probably better off this way, maybe I'll just stay broken.

A/N: hi guys I havE MET IN STEREO I feel like crying I miss the boys and I want to go back and re live it forever, it was the best day of my life and I met so many internet friends I'm gonna cry PCD is hitting me hard.