Barely Breathing//Ethis

18||

Chris' point of view:

2 days, 7 hours and 23 minutes without him and I feel like I'm suffocating. I've cried so much that I'm not able to any longer, all I can do is drown in my thoughts and not my tears. Jakob's tried to get me to talk about it but I'm physically unable to form the words without them getting stuck in my throat. The voicemail he left on Jakob's phone certainly didn't help, he thinks we're going to crash and burn. He's right, we could. I just hope I'm not the only one that wants to take the risk. I told him some emotional stuff early this morning and I just hope he doesn't forget what I said, I sure have t forgotten what he said.

"Chris!" I vaguely hear Jakob yell from somewhere in the house, but I don't reply "Christopher Lanzon get down here now!" I groan, rolling off my bed slowly making my way from my room and down the stairs.

"Wha- Ethan." I cut myself off, stopping in my tracks on the last step. There he is. Standing in the doorway staring right at me, hair messy, eyes bloodshot, dull eyes. he looks the physical equivalent of what I'm feeling.

"Chris." He says not moving, so I do. I run the last few steps to him almost knocking him over with the force of my hug. He wraps his arms around my neck burying his head into my neck

"I missed you so much" I say quietly into his hair but it comes out muffled

"I love you," he chokes and I'm almost certain that he's crying "I forgive you."
I pull away staring into his eyes, I wipe him tears away and kiss him lightly on the forehead, oh how I've missed this. He smiles at the ground so I take this opportunity to take his hands in mine. I lead him through the house, only then realising that Jakob had disappeared to give us some privacy. I pull him onto the couch with me and I turn to him.

"I get that you're scared, believe me I get that. Please just never leave again, it's no good for either of us. We can work this out. We love each other Ethan I know we can make it work." I start diving straight into the problem, his eyes avoid mine as he begins to speak,

"I know we can work it out, I left because I prefer to distance myself whenever I'm mad because I could become the most heartless person you'll ever meet, and you're going to hate me for that." He admits sighing out

"I could never hate you" I reply honestly hoping he'll meet my gaze and see the sincerity in my eyes.

"I used to think that too," he says quietly fidgeting with his hands, my heart drops when those words leave his mouth and I have to stop myself from knocking some sense into him, he's amazing and I wish he would see that.

"I've never done this before Chris, I want to. I don't know if I can, but I definitely want to the thing is, when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay one of the many thoughts that kept me up at night was the fact that I might not find someone. Most nights I would stay up until 3am wondering where I would be in five, ten, fifteen years. Other nights I wonder if I'll even make it that far. No one will  ever understand how much pain I felt. Not my wrist, but my heart; it ached.  Then I met you, and you gave me hope. I didn't care if you weren't gay, I just wanted you in my life." He tells me smiling slightly.

"Baby boy come here" I say pulling him onto my lap and wrapping my arms around him securely. 

"It may have only been two days but I've been craving this so bad" he says and I hum a reply in agreement.

I'm conflicted; part of me is willing to wait for him to be ready and the other part is questioning why we're acting like we're together but we aren't, if we aren't going to be together is it even worth it?

"Guys- you guys are cute," Jakob bounds down the stairs briefly forgetting what he was going to say, getting sidetracked when he he's Ethan and I. "Owen wants us at the studio like five minutes ago, something about an EP." He informs us as he walks from the room.