Barely Breathing//Ethis

65||

Chris' point of view:

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Chris" Jakob tells me shaking his head

"I have to see him Jakob, I need to. What if he wants to see me too?" I try to make a point

"If he wanted to see you, don't you think he would come back?" He points out

"You know what? I don't care. He's my boyfriend and dammit I want to see him." I stand up and grab my coat off the rack, I pull it on whilst slipping on my shoes. "You can't stop me from seeing him"

With that, I close the door behind me.

I don't really know what to expect when I get there, I don't expect us to just get back together. I know he's going to be surprised at my sudden unannounced visit but I can't stand to be another day without him. I'm not getting any better and I doubt he is either, we need each other to be able to get better, we make each other whole again.

We love each other enough to be able to work through this.

I reach Lara's house and walk slowly up her driveway trying to prepare myself for what could happen when I walk inside. I take a deep breath and open the front door, I step inside and see no sign of Lara or Ethan.

A/N: START THE SONG NOW PLS

I make my way down the hallway quietly until I reach the kitchen.

He hasn't got a shirt on and he's wearing loose tracksuit pants. He's facing away from me so he doesn't know I'm here yet.

"Ethan." I breathe out, happy to just be able to see him again and be in his presence. He turns to face me and I immediately feel my heart beat quicken.

I blink back tears as I take in his full appearance properly now. He's got cuts starting from his wrists and going all the way up to his shoulders on both arms, some bigger and deeper than others. It doesn't end there however, there are more cuts on his hips, deeper ones.

"Oh, Bub, what have you done?" I say quietly bringing a hand up to my mouth in disbelief

"I'm sorry," he whispers leaning against the counter and slowly sliding down it until he's sitting on the floor. "I keep fucking up and I'm so sorry, I thought this would help both of us"

"It's okay, Ethan. I understand" I tell him taking a step towards him

"No," he says "no, don't come near me."  He narrows his eyes and looks up at me, I can see tears forming in his eyes and he tries hard not to let them fall.

"Please, I'm okay Ethan. I just want to help you"  I try to reason with him taking a step towards him

"I don't need help," he says as a tear slips down his cheek, he breaks the eye contact now "I'm fine, I swear that I'm fine, I'm fine" he repeats starting to sob softly

"You're not fine, Bub please" I take another step towards him

"All anyone has ever done is take advantage of me" he cries into his hands

"I won't hurt you" I tell him softly trying to calm him with the tone in my voice

"I'll find some way to disappoint you, I even disappoint myself. The only thing I'm good at is the one thing that I hate and I'm scared that it's going to be like this forever." He tells me, his breathing quickens and soon he's hyperventilating.

"You will never disappoint me I promise you that. You're going to be okay, just breathe Eth" I tell him, kneeling down but keeping my distance from him so I don't upset him more.

He nods and swallows thickly, taking deep breathes and trying to calm himself down.

"It's not fair, why me? I never did anything wrong, and he continued to make my life hell for so long. You don't know what it was like, Chris" he whispers pulling at his hair

"You're right, I don't know what it was like but I still want to help you deal with it" I tell him honestly, just hoping that he will believe me.

"I needed you, it was so hard to act like I wasn't in love with you, let alone being sexually abused by one of your family friends" he cries trying to wipe away some of the tears

"I would have been there for you, I'm here now too, please let me in" I plead with him

"I-I can't, this is just how it's meant to be. Just go, you need to get better and I'm holding you back, don't make this any harder than it has to be Chris" he pulls himself to his feet and I hurriedly join him.

He attempts to walk past me but I grab him and wrap an arm around his waist, one of the only places that has no cuts on it.

"No!" He yells trying to free himself from my grip "don't touch me!"

He continues to fight against me and seeing him like this hurts me just as much as it is him. I have tears threatening to spill from my own eyes but I refuse to let them fall. He finally stops struggling and falls apart in my arms, a bawling mess. He falls to the ground in a heap and I kneel beside him resuming our position and wrapping my arms around his stomach.

"I know, shh, shh" I soothe, using one hand to lightly draw small lines up and down his spine

"I feel disgusting all the time" he chokes out, curling up into a ball on my lap so I lean on the wall for support.

"I think you're beautiful no matter what you've been through."

He doesn't stop crying so I continue to draw lines on his back with my finger. He doesn't say anything so I don't either. He's so sad that he can barely do anything anymore, he's even struggling to breathe.

We sit huddled on the floor of Lara's kitchen both holding onto each other with tears silently falling, but at least we're together.