Barely Breathing//Ethis

53||

Chris' point of view:

From Jake: What happened?

To Jake: He got sent photos from the sing offs, bad ones. He deleted them but I sent them to myself.

From Jake: Oh shit.

We arrive home and Ethan is the first out of the car. I hurriedly follow after him leaving Jakob behind to explain what he can to Owen.

He jogs up the stairs and into his room, I watch him walk over to his bed and sit leaning against it.

I walk over to him and sit beside him unsure of what to say. His hands are shaking lightly and he continues to stare ahead. It's like I'm not even here, he hasn't even acknowledged my presence.

His phone goes off again and I pick it up seeing as though he was making no effort to, I unlock his phone; more photos. These ones are worse, I send them to myself once again and turn off his phone so he can't see any more that might be sent, at least not right now.

"Ethan I'm sorry," I break the silence but he still doesn't speak "you don't deserve any of this and I promise you that it's not your fault and I know I say that a lot but it's only because it's true. You're going to be okay, you just gotta keep going."

He covers his face with his hands and sighs, he doesn't believe me.

"Alright, I'll give you some space, but I'm here for you Eth." I say standing up and walking out his room, I take one last glance at him from the doorway to see he's resumed his position from before.

"How is he?" Jakob asks when I sit down beside him on the couch

"He's not talking, I'm worried." I state

"Can I see the photos?" He asks, I pull out my phone and hand it to him, he goes to my photos from Ethan and starts going through them. "Jesus, no wonder he's not talking. I wouldn't be either, if I had to go through that" he says handing my phone back

"I don't know what to do now, he's keeping to himself, and I'm worried about him," I tell him running a hand through my hair "should I really leave him alone?"

"He does need you, even if you're just sitting there saying nothing at all. He'll appreciate it." He advises, Jakob always knows what to say and when to say it. I nod standing back up and hurrying back to Ethan's room.

He's lying face down on his bed now almost completely hidden by the amount of blankets he has wrapped around him. He's got his head buried into his pillow and he's showing no signs of acknowledging me now either.

"Ethan," I speak getting his attention this time, he turns his head and I walk over to him kneeling down beside the bed "I know it's all you're thinking about right now and that it hurts a lot but I'm here for you, look at me, I'm right here. Always."

His eyes meet mine and I get a chance to look at them properly, to see how bloodshot, red and dull they have become; he's been crying.

"You weren't there." He mumbles

"I am now"

"No one was there except him," Ethan continues, he rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling "deserved it anyway"

"Don't say that, it's not true and I know that somewhere inside you, you believe me" I say firmly

"I'm sorry for being the way I am, what happened makes me really sad; Maybe this is how it's meant to be, and I'm not supposed to get any better" he says quietly

"Hey, hey you're going to get better. I'm going to help you, don't apologise for how you feel" I tell him honestly, he nods this time looking at me now

"I guess. Sometimes I just get into a destructive state of mind." He replies looking anywhere but my eyes

"That's okay Bub, you know you can always talk to me about anything. I love you."

"I'm such a mess and God, you're so nice to me." He says "I wish I really could wake up with amnesia" he runs both his hands through his hair and keeps them there for a few seconds before letting his arms drop.

He reaches for his phone and turns it on

"I don't think you want to do that," I tell him cautiously "there are more photos."

He freezes for a few seconds but continues to unlock his phone despite my words.

"I can handle it, I have to try" he says trying to convince himself more than me, he clicks on his messages and I watch him intently. He bites his lip swallowing the lump in his throat. He looks at each picture and more and more tears well up in his eyes

"M-maybe this wasn't such a good i-dea," he lowers his phone and starts to cry "he knew exactly what he was going to do, he prepared, he picked me and he set up cameras. I'm still thinking about it after all this time, I'm trapped and I hate it."

"It's okay, here, just block the number." I say reaching for his phone but he pulls it out of my grasp

"No, I need it!" He exclaims

"Ethan can you not hear yourself? Can you not see what this is doing to you? This is tearing you apart. You need to let go, this is holding you back." I keep my voice soft and calm so he doesn't get even more upset than he already is.

"I can't do that, I'm scared to." He says quietly, he looks so fragile and small almost like he could break at the softest touch. But I guess that's what happens when you're considered the brave one, you have to hide how you truly feel because no one ever asks you if you're okay.

A/N: okay, what did I just write? wE MAY NEVER KNOW