Barely Breathing//Ethis

81||

Ethan's point of view:

He isn't here. He's not going to come back. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think he would after reading my journal, who in their right mind would want to be with me after reading such a thing like the contents in my journal? No one.

This is what I was afraid of. Something like this would happen and then even if he originally did plan to come back he read some of my journal and realised how messed up I am and decided not to.

"Ethan." Jakob says snapping me out of my thoughts "you've been crying again"

"No, I'm fine" I object wiping a tear away and looking up at him even though I know he's already seen

"It's okay not to be okay, too" he says sitting down next to where I'm lying

"I know, I'm alright. Just thinking." I reply bluntly staring down at my hands

"Oh no" he sighs "what's on your mind?"

I don't shift my gaze up to him though, but instead I bite my lip and muse over whether I should actually tell him. If I did, I would have to tell him about my journal and it's contents and I don't want to do that.

"Chris." It's not a complete lie, I am thinking about Chris.

"He's going to come back, he always does"

"Jake, I think I just need some time alone." I tell him growing more and more tired with this situation by the second.

"Right, well I'm here if you need me" he nods standing up and leaving me alone again.

I don't know how I could possibly have lost the ring. It was and is the most important thing to me, besides Chris himself. I know that when I took it off that I put it in the pocket of my suit jacket, how could it have fallen out?

I pull myself up and walk over to my desk. My suit is still hanging over my desk chair mainly because I haven't had the effort to move it. I pick up the jacket and start searching all the pockets for about the billionth time, still nothing. I don't understand how it could just disappear like that, I need to find it or Chris will never forgive me.

I give up and get down on my knees, maybe if fell on the ground. I look underneath my desk chair and all around the carpet surrounding my desk. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I lift a corner of my desk up the tiniest bit and see something shiny underneath it. I frantically reach out and I pull it out.

My ring.

My ring is here.

I pick it up and hold it up to the light, there's no scratches. Thank God.

There seems to be something engraved inside it, though.

Even if I'm not with you, this ring means I'm never very far.

My chest tightens and I take a deep breath trying to steady myself as I stand up.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes and my vision goes blurry. I curl the hand that the ring is in and I securely hold it, making sure my grip on it is firm enough.

I try to walk to the bathroom but my vision is so blurry I don't know where I'm going, until the smell hits me.

I'm in Chris' room.

I stumble into the room and collapse on the ground beside his bed. I lean into the sheets and sob into them. My hands are shaking uncontrollably and I have to hold the sheets so tight that my knuckles turn white, they still don't stop shaking.

I can't breathe. I know there is air around me and I know that I'm breathing it in but that doesn't seem to register with my brain and I find myself gasping for air that I'm already getting. I manage to slip the ring onto my finger and pull myself up onto his bed before I collapse again.

I see his ring resting on his bedside table and this only makes me cry harder. He took his ring off, he left it. He really is done with putting up with me.

Even I'm done with putting up with me, the only thing is I can't leave.

I bury my head further into the pillow, it smells like him and right now he's all I need.

Jakob's point of view:

"Ethan" I walk towards him slowly, I heard his crying all the way from downstairs

"Everything hurts" he sobs quietly to himself ignoring me as if I weren't even here

"Ethan." I repeat louder but he still doesn't acknowledge me

I notice Chris' promise ring on the bedside table and then the one Ethan's twisting around his finger and I put two and two together. He found it.

"He's never going to come back and this is all your fault, stupid fucking piece of shit" he mumbles sounding angry despite his tears
I step forward and touch his shoulder lightly, to which he flinches and pushes my hand away carelessly.

"Leave me alone" he whispers looking up at me and sinking lower into the pillow his head is resting on

"No" I reply firmly "not like this"

"I wish I was dead" he sobs

"He is going to come back" I remind him not really knowing any other way to reply to a thing like that

"No. He won't. Not after reading all the shit that I had to do, he'll probably think he's lucky for getting out now. I just wish I wasn't so attached." He rambles clearly not caring if I'm listening or not.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I'm sure that whatever it is, it won't make Chris love you any less. I see the way you look at each other. I see the way he looks at you when you're not even aware of it. He loves you and we both know it."

"The nightmares are back Jakob" he ignores me again "I'm never going to get better, not without him."

A/N: idk idk idk idk