Barely Breathing//Ethis

79||

Ethan's point of view:

"I'll be back in a few hours, okay?" Jakob tells me again, he ties the laces on his shoes and stands up "are you sure you're going to be alright by yourself?"

"Jake, go. I'll be okay" I tell him, again

He smiles with a slight nod.

I follow him into the entry hallway and watch him go, as soon as the front door closes I let out a sigh.

I walk back into the living room and flop down on the couch.

I'm alone.

Chris is gone, Mum is dead and I'm alone.

I try to tell myself that I'll be okay, that maybe telling Jake that would make it okay, but it hasn't and I don't know what to do.

What am I supposed to do? I don't want to think but it seems like that's the only thing I'm doing, until the doorbell rings.

I slowly stand up and make my way back into the entry hall, it's probably Jakob saying he's forgotten his keys.

I pull the door open to see someone I didn't think I would; Tahlia.

We stand in silence for a few seconds, just looking at each other. She steps forward and almost knocks me over by the force of her hug, I take a step back to steady myself and wrap my arms around her. I kick the front door closed with my foot and we continue hugging for several minutes, neither of us saying anything.

I've needed this, I think we both have.

"Come in, do you want something to drink? Something to eat?" I ask pulling away from the hug and leading her into the living room

"No, I'm good thank you," she replies sitting down on the couch, I join her and sit next to her, turning to face her "how are you?"

"I'm- I'm okay I guess, how are you?" She places her hand over mine and gives me a half hearted smile

"I'm okay," she pauses for a moment and looks down "I know what's going on with you and Chris"

"Oh" is all I say, resting my head in my hand and propping it up with my elbow on my knee, I slowly cover my face with my hand and cry into it.

I feel her shift and her arms are around me in a heartbeat, she hugs me tightly and all I'm able to do is sit there. I hate crying, especially in front of my sister.

I quickly wipe away my tears and sigh heavily.

"I'll get you some water" she says standing up, as she does so her backpack tilts and a notebook falls out.

I feel my heart stop as I realise what it is, it's the book. The book I haven't been able to look at for two years. The book that I wrote every detail in, everything he did to me is in that book. My life is in that book.

Why would she have it?

I quickly just to my feet and pick it up clutching it to my chest.

"Ethan" Tahlia says slowly

"Why do you have this?" I ask looking up at her, tears forming in my eyes

"I found it Ethan, in your room" she says slowly again, like she's scared if she said it any faster I wouldn't understand

"H-have you read?" I ask quietly, though I'm scared of the answer

"I read two pages but I stopped." She tells me "Ethan, I think Chris needs to read it"

"What? No! He can't, he can't read this. Please, no. This is mine." I say getting defensive

"Ethan it's okay. Trust me if he reads, he's going to come back"

"And if he doesn't?" I ask, scared.

"Then you can burn it."

"Okay" I nod loosening my grip on the journal, I hand it to her and as she goes to take it I can't bring myself to let it go. It takes me a few seconds but I finally force myself to drop my hand and give it to her.

"He's going to come back" she reassures me sitting back down

We sit in silence and the minutes just seem to drag on, I've never felt like such a bad brother more than right now. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?

"How is everything... Without Mum?"

"Her funeral is next week" she says avoiding my question entirely

"Why is everything happening at once? Why is everything falling apart now?" I ask myself more than her, she replies anyway

"Everything is going to be okay, it seems bad now. But it will get better"

"I hope so" I sigh

"I've been here for a while, I better get going and give this to Chris so I don't miss the bus home." Tahlia says standing up and putting the journal back in her backpack

We walk into the hallway and she turns and hugs me again.

"I love you" I mumble into her hair

"I love you, I'll see you soon okay?" She says pulling away and turning towards the door, I nod when she's looking at me next and I watch her walk down the driveway until she walks around the corner and out of sight.

Chris' point of view:

I've been trying to make cookies for over an hour now and I'd still only managed to get the ingredients in the bowl. I have no clue what I'm doing and these are the vaguest instructions I've ever read.

The doorbell rings and I put down the box and make my way to the front door.

I swing it open to see Tahlia standing on my doorstep, I look at her confused but she starts speaking:

"I know what's going on with you and Ethan," she starts, opening her backpack and pulling out a notebook "he needs you and if you read this then you'll know how much" she shoves the notebook into my hands and turns on her heels walking away before I even get a chance to object.