Barely Breathing//Ethis

23||

A/N:

Warning: This chapter may contain some triggering content so if you are easily triggered I advise that you don't read this.

Jakob's point of view:

He hasn't moved. He's still curled up in the exact same position he was in when I left him, staring at the wall, eyes glazed over with a blank expression. He's so caught up in his own thoughts that he hasn't even noticed my presence in the room. If I'm brutally honest; he looks terrible.
His hair is messy with strands sticking out here and there, his eyes are bloodshot and puffy, his hands are shaking ever so slightly and his lip is quivering the tiniest bit.
He definitely didn't sleep at all last night, I don't blame him, I wouldn't be able to either.
I just hate to see him like this, he's so emotionally distraught that he can't do anything. This has to be the lowest he has ever been.
I can't believe Chris would ever do something like that, after all they only just took one of their biggest steps in their relationship and Ethan had put his complete and total trust in him long ago. Maybe he shouldn't have.

"Ethan" I say trying to get his attention, but I'm only met with silence. He doesn't move or show any signs that he even heard me little own any sign of replying

"Ethan" I try again, this time standing directly in front of him, he stares at me but he doesn't really see me, I reach out to touch his shoulder and only then does he react recoiling away in fear.

"J-Jakob?" He stutters coming out of his trance, blinking a few times he looks up at me with wide eyes.

"How do you feel?" I ask knowing that it's a stupid question but I just don't want him to keep anything bottled up, I want to help him as much as I possibly can

"I wish I was dead" he mutters looking at his still shaking hands

"Hey, I don't want to ever hear you say that again. Don't think like that. You're worth so much more than you think, you have so much potential, don't let this hold you back from achieving what you want. Without you so many people would be crushed, so many people will miss everything about you. Once you're dead, you're gone forever. No coming back."

"I'd be happy"

"I wouldn't be. Your family wouldn't be. The fans wouldn't be, if you go; Ethan if you die, everyone else would suffer. You wouldn't be here, you wouldn't get to see your sisters grow up. You won't be there to protect them when they need you most. You won't be here to share precious little moments with the ones closest to you. Do you want to just throw that away?" I ask really hoping I'm getting through to him

"Jakob you just don't get it, I'm not beautiful, I'm not even average. I was born with tragedy in my blood -that I've been trying so desperately to get rid of since I was 13- and I was born with despair in my bones. I was made with a crack in my heart, sadness in my mind and poison in my soul. I've been compatible with depression since day one. I was cursed with demons inside my head. I'm simply a flaw in this wide world. I'm a walking travesty travelling down the road of betrayal and broken dreams. Life just wasn't made for the lonely ones like me." His voice cracks at the end and I can tell that he's been holding that in for so long, waiting for someone to ask the right question, to say the right thing.

"I want you to listen to me, okay? You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could have, would have happened... Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." I reply determined to talk him out of his suicidal state of mind.

He shakes his head beginning to cry heavily now.

"Ethan you don't want to do this, please, just think about all of the consequences." I say cautiously sighing but never taking my eyes off of him until he breaks the contact.

"Believe me Jakob, this is the only thing I've wanted to do for a very long time, two fucking years I've contemplated doing this, I'm not as strong as I pretend to be, I have plenty of scars to prove that. And now, I'm just done, sure some people will miss me but they'll forget about me. Everyone does. I'm worthless, I'm gross and disgusting. There's just so much pain and I'm just done," he sobs shaking violently "I can't do this anymore, I don't want to"

"Please Ethan, I can help you get through this. We can work this out, it doesn't have to be like this." I plead desperately, he shakes his head letting a steady flow of tears stream down his face

"What about me Ethan?" I try one of my last things I can possibly think of, but he doesn't say anything, except he bites his bottom lip "what example are you setting for your sisters? What are they going to think when they find out their brother tried to kill himself?" I continue and I can tell that one hit him hard because he closes his eyes briefly, he draws in a deep breath letting out a whimper. That's when I resort to my last option "what about Chris?" I say quietly and only then does he stop all type of movement for a moment. He then begins to beg with me to let him take his life but of course I don't budge from my position in front of him. There's no fucking way I'm letting him do this.

I look him dead in the eyes and I speak,
"I'm not letting you do this, dammit Ethan you're fucking amazing, you're so fucking talented. I'm not letting you  just throw all of your hard work and determination away." I almost yell wanting to get my point across.

"This is my life Jakob, I can do whatever the hell I want to. And I want to fucking die." He retaliates

"I'm not letting you okay? I don't care if you've wanted to for ages, I don't care if it's because Chris sexually harassed you I'm not going to let you and as soon as you listen to me I'll let you go" I say knowing this time that if I word it properly he's going to break. I was right. His cries become sobs and his body starts shaking in my grip

"He wouldn't listen to me, he was going to.." He stops himself, unable to continue any further but I know what he meant.

"He didn't. Ethan you stopped him." I reply calming down now

"Then why does it feel like he did?" He asks quieter now

I move off of him and I sit next to him unsure of what to say.

One thing's for sure, I'm going to kill Chris.