MaNan: It all started with a lie

Self Blame?

Manik

The operation finally came to an end and the doctor came out. We all rushed to him, our fingers crossed, hoping to listen a good news but what he said was like a bomb to our ears.

"Doctor...Abhi, hows he? He is fine right?" I asked pensively. "Mr. Malhotra the patient is wounded very badly. His head is been hit with the steering wheel with a lot of force due to which a clot has formed just near his brain and also we have found pieces of glass on his forehead. He has lost a lot of blood. Yes we have treated him but his case is too complicated you see. We can just hope for the best. Agar Mr. Abhimanyu agle 48 hours me recovery ki koi sign dikhate hai or if he gets conscious then its a good news but if he remains unconscious then sorry to say, he may go in coma or..." "or?" mukti asked absentmindedly staring at Abhi from the small glass of the door. "Or we may lose him forever" the doctor completed and mukti fell on the floor with a thump. All the others were no different,  we all were in shock when suddenly we heard the doctor crying for help and nandini clutching his collar tightly in her hands, ready to strangle him.

Sh!t

"Nandini...nandu leave him" I said, pulling her away by her waist but her hold on the doctor was too strong. "No manik...I can't leave him. He is a doctor right then how can he say such things ha!? He will have to save Bhai by hook or by crook or else I won't leave him. He cannot leave like that asking us to hope for the best, he just cannot! He is a bloody doctor for god sake and saving Bhai's life is his goddam duty!!" she yelled still clutching the doctor's collars while we all stood horrified on our places seeing nandini react in such a way. I didn't realise when my hold loosened on her and she again got back to the doctor until maddy rushed to her.

"Munchkin shaant...kuch nahi hoga Abhi ko...your aiyyappa won't let anything happen to him. Trust your aiyyappa nandini" maddy cooed her and suddenly she stopped and slumped down on the nearby bench, chuckling sarcastically. "Aiyyappa! Are if he actually cared na then he would have never let this happen only. Aaj raksha bandhan hai, today I had promised Bhai to protect him and look where did he land up" she said sadly, eying Abhi's room. "I could not protect him...I failed as a sister...I failed" she said in a broken voice but not even a single tear shed from her eyes.

She was pretending to be strong.

"Who said you are not a good sister ha? You are the best sister that anyone could ever get nandu" aryaman spoke up, kneeling down in front of her and patting her head. "Yup! Behena teri jaisi behen bohot kam logo ko milti hai and Abhi is lucky to have you" Cabir seconded. "Exactly! So stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, yeh sirf ek accident tha" maddy spoke cupping her face. I was glad that she had such friends who loved and cared for her so much.

"Accident" she chuckled humorlessly. "Right yeh sirf ek accident tha aur aise accidents sirf meri life me hi hote hai. Pehle jab voh accident hua tab I...I lost my amma and appa. I was so small at that time but I could still understand what had happened kyuki I was right there when the accident happened but I could do nothing. I started getting nightmares, I couldn't sleep at night but you know what...Bhai...he would always take me in his lap and make me sleep. He would be awake all night just so that I could sleep peacefully. He never let me feel alone after appa and ma passed away and I too had no complaints because I was happy that aiyyappa gave me a brother like him but shayad aiyyappa doesn't like to see me happy isliye voh ab Bhai ko bhi mujhse chinna chahte hai" she added in her broken voice. I could no longer hold myself and took her in a tight hug. "Nandu aisa nahi bolte. Remember amma used to say ki aiyyappa jo bhi karte hai na its always for our good and aiyyappa toh tumhare best friend hai na then how can he do bad to you? Dekhna Abhi na bohot jaldi theek ho jaega and fir hum sab milke uski class lenge for being so careless ok?" I said caressing her hair to sooth her and in turn she just tightened her hold on me but she still didn't cry which made me worried.

She needs to let it out.

"Trust your aiyyappa nandu...everything will be fine" I cooed pecking her forehead. "Trust aiyyappa? No manik how can I trust him after whatever he has done to me, to my family. First he took away appa and ma but I never complained cuz I felt the luckiest to have my Bhai and amms with me but now he...he tried to snatch my Bhai manik whom I can't live without. You know Bhai has always given me the love I craved, he scolded and guided me just like appa, he held my hand and fed me, made me sleep just like ma would do. Amms was always busy in childhood cuz she had to work and earn to give us a better life so Bhai would always be there for me but now look he always protected me and see I couldn't, I...I failed (a tear slid down her cheek but still she did not cry) but this time I have decided (wipes the tear roughly with the back of her palm) if this time he snatches my Bhai away na then I will never trust him, never worship him, main kabhi aiyyappa ka naam bhi nahi lungi" she said making all of us gasp in astonishment cuz we all were very much known of her connection with her aiyyappa.

"Munchkin" maddy initiated, kneeling in front of her and held her hand. "We all know you are hurt but aisa nahi bolte. Remember you always used to say that aiyyappa will always make everything right then why are y-" but nandini cut him in between. "No maddy not this time. Agar iss baar he took my Bhai away with him na then I won't forgive him, it will break my trust on him kyuki if anything like this happens na then I will forget that God ever existed" she declared adamantly and left the place. I looked beside me to find maddy giving me the same helpless look that I had on my face and gestured me to give her some time and let her be when I heard mukti sobbing on her seat, covering her face with her palms.

"Muku kya hua? Look everything will be fine soon, don't lose hope" I tried to console her, taking her in a side hug. "No manik this (pointing at Abhi's ward) this...its all because of me. Meri vajah se Abhi ki yeh halat hui hai...its all because of me" she cried while we cringed our brows, confused.

What is she saying? And why? Why is she blaming herself?

"Mukti tu khudko blame kyu kar rahi hai? Its not because of you...its not your fault baba" I said but she jerked my hand away and screamed with tears and anxiety. "Manik tu samjh kyu nahi raha hai!? Its all because of me!! I shouldn't have taken HIM lightly...I shouldn't have! HE did this...because of me" she said and broke down as we sat there deciphering who was this 'HE' she was talking about.

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