Descendants of the Sun

Chapter 87~THIRD-PERSON POV~A cloudy Saturday of late October.

*Play this music. This song is one of the songs that motivated me after losing my older brother about two months ago. I hope it'll motivate you too.

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Chi-yun was walking in the second-floor hallway. Unfortunately, she was not being notified about Khalil's near suicide. But she was looking for Fatima who disappeared a while ago. She was about to walk into his hospital room. She saw the door being left open, making her wonder if he lets Chi-yun to come in.

"Khalil?" She called but just as she entered the room, he's not there.

She looked confused because it's been two days he got stuck in here. Now...he's not here.

"Khalil?" She called with a tone of confusion.

She looked around the room but he's still not there. She wondered if he snuck out from the room to hide somewhere else. But then, she found her silver notebook left on the bed. She was looking for it since yesterday, so she had no idea why it was there. She took it, but just as she flipped it, she saw that someone wrote it. She sat down on the edge of the bed and read the poem written by Khalil. She read every word of what he wrote.

His poem told her that he was still stuck in his room. He never wanted to get out of the room because of he felt being pointed or blamed of. She realized that the pain and guilt was taking him over, but when she read the last part... it tells her that he would give up. He wanted to put an end himself. While reading that part of his poem, she automatically didn't believe of what he wrote yesterday.

She flipped the page over and not another poem, but it looked like a suicide message. Like the poem, she read every word. His suicide message says:

"How do I look? Fine. How do I feel inside? Painful. Guilty. Angry. Upset. Remorseful. Hurt. Ashamed. Disgusted. Ruined. Why am I living here? Am I living just because of making the stupidest mistake I made in my twelve years? My life is ruined by one stupid mistake. I'm stuck in this pitch-black hole and can't find a way to escape. I tried to take an overdose of pills, but I can't because my body will shake like crazy. I tried to cut myself with a scalpel, but I don't want to feel the stinging pain of a wound pierecing through my skin.

I'm sick and tired of trying harm myself and I can't. I'm tired of blaming myself. I may be remembered as a hero at first, but also, I regret myself being remembered as a murderer. I feel like I'm a burden for everybody. I feel like I let my late family down. I feel stupid. I'm worthless. I'm useless. I'm sick and tired of living in this hell right now. I'm leaving here from now on and won't come back. Goodbye world. Goodbye Chi-yun. Goodbye Fatima. Goodbye Khalil."

She realized that this message was a suicide note from Khalil. Even though she still refused to believe it, a great shock impacted her from inside.

What did he mean, he's sorry for himself? Is he saying he's blaming himself as a murderer? He didn't show any signs, she thought.

She had a feeling that it was hard for him to tell her...she did ask him about how's he doing in the hospital, and he said everything was fine for him. She thought things were going well because he had no problem of that.

A guardian can't know everything, and it's not like she can always protect them by their side or not. And Heaven knows that things were going to get harder for the two kids, because their guardian is about to be a doctor.

A flashback came into her mind when she went up to the rooftop with the two kids. Those two moments made her realize that where Khalil might take his own life. She realized that he was about to jump off the roof. She also wondered if Fatima would sacrifice her life to save him.