The Shrink Program

Chapter 81

I swear...

Bulldozing one guy into the ground and dacking his friend in public had been a complete accident.

Honest.

I hadn't meant to do it... and that's why I didn't have to feel guilty for the private little chuckle I had once I reached the safety of the train.

And by a private little chuckle, I mean I burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

Wheezing and clutching my sides, any attempt I made to explain myself to the freaked out passengers around me only ended in giggles.

The train started moving with a jolt, forcing me to grab onto the handhold above to keep my balance.

Trying to muffle what was left of my laughter, I pressed my face into the crook of my raised arm, feeling the cool skin on my overly hot face.

"I shouldn't have laughed," I mumbled into my arm as the mirth died down and threatened to turn into tears.

I had been doing so well, keeping calm and not letting the situation get to me.

The entire situation. Being small, being away from home, losing contact with my family and... Friends...

It was a lot to deal with, especially for someone who'd rather punch someone in the face if it got me out of having a meaningful conversation.

As soon as I lost my self-control, even just to laugh, I could feel it slipping in other ways.

Don't get depressed, don't dwell on it, don't think about him...

I physically flinched, shying away from the thoughts.

I was starting to think they were right about me.

That what I had been doing up to this point... Fighting... Sometimes not even my own battles... had not only been wrong... But unhealthy.

Throwing myself into anything that distracted me from my fears, using the chaos around me to avoid dwelling on how I felt.

Compared to getting into an emotional fight with someone you cared about, it's easy to physically fight an enemy.

Easier than changing.

Perhaps that's why I had chosen to fight his bullies for him, instead of confronting...

I flinched again, unable to even think his name without wanting to cry.

Impulsive as I was, it was hard for me to except friendship, to offer loyalty and trust.

...It was even harder to accept that it was over.

It hurt.

Damn it.

I raise my head, setting my dry eyes on the Train window.

The platform and crowds of people blurred by, unaware that I was barely holding myself together.

The worst part about being away from home was that there was no one around to smile for.

"Man up Maddison." I hissed, watching my eyes narrow in the reflection. "Its time for you to start dealing with your feelings like a real man... Okay, forget that last part..."

I leant towards the glass, glaring my reflection into submission.

"Let's just settle for saying his name."

Breathing in a ragged breath, I ignored the way my stomach was twisting.

"All you have to do is say his name...Just his name... Any day now..."

Okay, maybe this was a little harder than I thought.

Still, I was determined to face my problems. I was going to kick psychology's arse, even if it killed me!

"Okay, on the count of three... Or Five... Okay, three. Three. Two. One...Point five... Zero... Wasn't I suppose to be counting up to three...? Maybe I should start again...no. Just. Say. It. Now. Maddison."

I took in a big breath, my lips beginning to form the word.

And immediately choked.

No, not because I couldn't say the name.

But because, as I stared out the train window, I saw someone who wasn't supposed to be there. Who couldn't be here.

In a single instant, my eyes had met the pale green ones of a petite boy with black hair and a lollypop in his mouth.