Symphony ◆ Joe Anoa'i◆

Chapter 30

AmerieSanchez: So much planned for @TheDreams which I cannot wait to share with you all.  Was planning to do one drop next month but I might just do two big drops so stayed tuned on @TheDreams page.

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I never really got to process what Joe told me last night. The cancer news was something that I pushed away to the side because I really wanted to make last night about him. Now that he is at work, everything is really starting to set in.

The love of my life has cancer. 

I've been hiking for the past hour and I honestly don't know if I can continue so I stop by a rock which I take a seat on. My heart feels heavy as I wrap my arms around myself, I bow my head as a lone tear falls. My body begins to shake as I fight back the tears that are desperately trying to force its way out.

Even though I don't like to cry, I know that I have to. I cover my face as I let it all rip, my cries resemble one of a little girls as everything comes pouring out. All the sadness that I have been bottling up begin to make itself known as a huge sob forces its way out of me.

This isn't fair.

I cry for about twenty minutes before deciding that it's enough as I dab under my eyes. I probably look like a racoon now since I was wearing eyeliner. I wish I wasn't wearing makeup but I had been previously filming a Q&A for The Dreams IGTV outside and I ended up being locked out. I forgot to take my keys with me so I didn't have anything to do but wait for Joe so I went on the hike.

I stand to my feet and I text my mom as I walk towards my house. I'll be honest, I don't know how strong I can be for Joe during this time and I don't know if I can be strong for myself.

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Joe flew to Florida in the evening and I will not being seeing him for the next few days since he is going to be breaking the news to his family. I offered to go with him but he declined, stating that this is something that needs to do alone.

I sigh as Jordana, Sofia and I clink our glasses together. We are having a few drinks at a new bar before heading to some rock concert that Sofia surprisingly suggested. Some of our friends weren't here for it but I'm glad that Jordana and Sofia actually appreciate good music.

"How have you girls been?" Jordana asks after she has ordered us another tequila shot.

"I've been good." Sofia answers with a smile on her face.

"I know." I say in dull tone. "You're glowing."

"Ok." Jordana gives me a weird look. "Girl what is up with you?"

"Nothing." I hold back tears as I think of Joe. I can't tell the girls as much as I want to because it's not my news to share. It wouldn't feel right for me to tell them before his family and friends knew. "I'm just stressed with the business."

I quickly down my shot.

"We have your back." Sofia places her hand over mine. "If you need some help then let us know, we are always living to help. You don't have to do it alone."

I smile at both of them, my tears are threatening to spill at this point.

"Thank you guys so much." I pull them in for a hug. "You don't know how much it means to me."

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The next day I spent the morning planning the next collection and going through different application forms since I am trying to hire more people for my team. Luckily I have experience in this due to Fashionnova so I know what I'm looking for.

I decided to take a break to speak Joe on the phone. Our call lasted for almost two hours and it honestly put a damp in my day because I wish that I was with him. Knowing that he has cancer has really awakened a protective instinct in me.

I feel the tears surface once more as I pull out my phone, I quickly dial my mom's number and I hope to God that she isn't busy right now because I need her.

"Hey baby." I breakdown crying at the sound of her voice. "Amerie, what's wrong?"

"Mommy I need you." I cry into the phone as she asks me where I am. "I'm at home."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, hold on baby." We say our goodbyes before hanging up. I put my phone down and I lay down on my sofa as I think of ways in which life is going to change.

My mom lives about forty minutes away from me and she made it here in exactly fifteen minutes. Never underestimate the lengths a mama bear would go to for her cub.

Within seconds of entering my home, my mom had me wrapped up in her arms. She let me cry for a few minutes before pulling out a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and two spoons from her bag. She let me have the first bite before giving me the chance to speak.

"Joe has cancer." I tearfully confess. 

"Oh honey." She pulls me closer as she kisses my temple. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I don't know if I can be strong enough for him." I take another bite of the ice cream. "He's always been the strong one between us but he is going to need me now more than ever and I don't know if I can do it."

"What the real issue here?" She softly asks while looking me in the eyes.

"I think I'm pregnant."