Sodor's New Worker (Semi-Hiatus Due to an AO3 rewrite)

Furious Relief

   James couldn't stop thinking about Maddy had said to him.

"I don't know if it's safe to be like that again."

   Was she serious? There wasn't any way that she could be. To never see that shining smile again? Those bright blue eyes? None of it? Ever again? No way!

"Buzz. The signal." she spoke, snapping him back to reality. "C'mon. You have to get your train to the next station on time."

"Huh? Oh. Right." he muttered, getting his wheels moving. "Uh..hey, Maddy?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." she blandly answered. "You're always welcome to ask me something."

"You're..not serious, are you?"

"About what? What I said?"

"Mhm.."

"Maybe. I don't know. But so long as that burnt sausage roams the rails, I'll neve let my guard down again. Never ever. I'll fight this time. Bite his nose off, maybe."

"Mm..alright.." James sighed. "That's it. That's all I needed to ask."

"But why? You know you can talk to me, Buzzy Bee."

"I-" he paused. "I don't like how dismissive you are. How angry and uptight you are now. You won't laugh, you won't smile, and if you do, it never lasts. You're getting so defensive. You're hallucinating. You're not the same. It's scary. YOU'RE scary."

"..."

   When he didn't receive an answer, James continued on in the gentlest way he could.

"I can never tell how you're feeling anymore. Your expression is always the same. You look like a haunted doll. I'm worried about you, Honey Bee. Worried about us. Please. Let me help you. Let us help you. Open up your heart again..like you did on that night. You were so happy..so at peace..I had caught a glimpse at the girl I love..I long to see her again."

   James looked over to make sure she hadn't bailed on him while he was moving. She hadn't, but her eyes were filled with tears as she stared straight forward into the horizon. Her lip quivered, not knowing whether or not it was okay to show weakness, or any sort of emotion.

"You don't know what it's like.." she whimpered. "You still don't get it..we've had this conversation before."

"Maddy..no..don't cry.."

"It's so much harder than you think. To 'go back to how I was'." Maddy sniffled, still refusing to look at him. "It is..SO HARD..to feel content with myself when I'm aware someone is after me. To actively seek me out and kill me. That my body is actively trying to kill me."

"I.."

"You have no idea what it's like to be me." she croaked, a single, hot tear falling onto his running board. She was right. He had no idea. Like Edward had said, she'd experienced more in her 27 or so years of life than he had in his 100 or more. Along with that, James wasn't 100% about how the human mind worked. Was it the same as his? Similar? Different? He didn't know.

"..I'm sorry, Honey Bee." he muttered quietly.

   While he didn't get a verbal response, he felt her lean against his boiler, her tears making contact with the metal, her near silent whimpers loud and clear in his funnel. 

"I'm terrified, JamJam.."

"...I know, Honey Bee."